Many of us who hear the bad news “you have cancer,” are also surprised by how many people turn away from us. Those who we had thought were our best friends, or who would help us to the end suddenly won't return phone calls. We discover that the word “cancer” is a powerfully frightening thing in our society, and people do not always react the way we expect.
Yet, sometimes people come through for you in spectacular ways. Have you ever had a room full of people applaud you? Well, maybe you are a famous movie star, or a motivational speaker, or community theater actor and applause is part of your world. But, I never have had that experience, nor expected to.
I have been off work for five weeks, recovering from a liver resection done for metastatic breast cancer. My place of business, which happens to be a high school, was putting on their customary yearly Thanksgiving Feast. It's very rare that the entire staff, from custodian to principal, have time to sit down together. All of us work for the benefit of kids in one form or another, but rarely do we join together. This was one of those times, and I decided I'd go say hi.
When I walked into the room, unexpectedly since I'd told nobody I was coming, all the people sitting down to their Thanksgiving meal – all 100 of them - burst into spontaneous applause. Loud, lengthy, extended clapping. For me.
I knew then, that I was home.
These people had been unusually supportive considering I've only been working at this school for a year. They took up a collection and gave me enough money so that my family could stay in a hotel for a few days while I had surgery in a different city. Then, when I came home, they took turns and brought me meals – wonderful things so while I was recovering, my family could eat. I didn't have to cook (or eat take-out) for weeks. And flowers, I even got flowers, sometimes left on my doorstep. A little gift to show I was not forgotten.
I have found support from relatives and friends, but like all cancer patients, have found some who have turned away, unable to look. Rather than let that hurt, it's important to realize support can come in the most unlikely places and for unlikely reasons. You may have that relative or former best friend who never calls you again. Cancer does that to some people. Mourn it and let it go.
Then remember: family is where you make it and support comes in many forms. Find your own and enjoy the applause.
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Add a Comment89 Comments
Thanks for sharing your story.
November 19, 2011 - 1:29pmThis Comment
So true and you are so lucky to have a job like that.
November 19, 2011 - 1:15pmThis Comment
One of the very hardest things about cancer is it reminds us how terribly unpredictable life is. Okay, so you realize this...then what? It can be frightening. I had a "best friend" drop me during radiation (which was torture, I got shingles, cording and severe burns) and I never heard from her again. I had friends who never replied once I told them I was diagnosed.
Of course, I have great stories, too, and they restored my faith in humanity. One friend sent me her homemade bread week after week, and specialty green teas along with letters. My favorite is my oncologist asked me to speak to a woman who was doing treatment right after me. We hooked up a few times with a woman who finished right as I started. That woman has become a real friend, we see each other frequently, and are really there for each other.
I have many friends who are amazing and wonderful. But, to me, no one gets it the way a fellow survivor does.
And so, with this, I am going to drop a line to my colleague whose cancer sadly has advanced to Stage IV.
November 19, 2011 - 1:01pmThis Comment
I have breast cancer too, and this was a wonderful story to read! It made me cry thinking of what that must have felt like to be applauded by a room full of people in that way... I imagine they were so happy to see you walking in there... They were showing their love and support and applauding your recovery!
November 19, 2011 - 11:59amThis Comment
Ann, I've been following your blog ever since I was diagnosed with BC a year ago, and I continue to be wowed by your touching and funny and lucid accounts. You are an inspiration!
November 19, 2011 - 10:50amThis Comment
That is a great story! I, too, had similar support (and still do) and I, too, work in a public school (elementary). Spending months on disability last year while going through grueling treatments would've been so much harder without them. I can never thank them enough. God bless you as you continue this fight. I am glad you are not in it alone. Patti
November 19, 2011 - 10:48amThis Comment
That is a great story! I, too, had similar support (and still do) and I, too, work in a public school (elementary). Spending months on disability last year while going through grueling treatments would've been so much harder without them. I can never thank them enough. God bless you as you continue this fight. I am glad you are not in it alone. Patti
November 19, 2011 - 10:47amThis Comment
In this fast moving and busy world people are still as kind hearted as they ever were. Giving hope and love to others is a gift of human kindness that only needs a small excuse to rear it's not-so-ugly head. We all love to give of ourselves to make others in need happier than they would be otherwise. People just need an excuse to do so.
November 19, 2011 - 10:31amThis Comment
Ann,
November 19, 2011 - 10:22amYou are right on the mark with your comment that sometimes family and friends turn away when we're diagnosed. That's certainly the experience I've had. And I appreciate your advice, to mourn and move on, because to spin my wheels asking "why" would be to take energy away from my healing. Thank you for this honest post.
Praelior
This Comment
Wow! That brought a tear to the eye! How lovely to know there are such lovely people in the world. And you deserve it. Ann in England. x
November 19, 2011 - 9:19amThis Comment