Facebook Pixel

Concerned Mothers of Active Duty Military and Vets Join this Group

Husband w/ PTSD

By November 5, 2010 - 12:34pm

My husband and I have been together for 4years now. We have been
married for almost two years, and we now have a 6months baby girl.
Life seemed great till recently, once my baby girl was born I notice
we began to fight more often as well as being intimate less and less.
About a month ago he shared with me that he could not be happy and
he was confused of his feelings towards me. He shared that he cared
for me but wasn't sure if he loved me, he also shared that he had been
depress for some time now. I feel like I must also share, he spent
15months in Iraq and returned in Nov of 08, in Aug of 09 my father in
law took his life. So I could understand him being depress, the past two
years has been really rough.He lost a lot of friends in Iraq, one whom was
very close to him as well as his father. Since we've been married he has always had nightmares of Iraq. I always asked him to get help but it wasn't till recently that he decided to get help and talk to someone through the V.A (he is no longer active duty)
We also decided to seperate because I wanted him to clear his head and figure
out how he felt. We were seperated for about a month. And a few days ago
he asked to move back in and shared how much he loved and care for me.
But now I noticed he has become a different person. He seems upset all the
time to the point it makes me nervous. He has never got upset at
me or our baby but he does get upset over little things
like not finding parking or people not answering their phones he also
is starting to put down people and family members without even honestly
thinking till someone tells him something. It is now starting to
depress me, I feel like I have to be on my toes around him sometimes..
any advice how to go about this? He has told me that he wish he could
see his counselor more often because he does feel angry all the time
and it is hard to control himself at times.

(sorry if this double posts)

By HERWriter Guide November 10, 2010 - 12:25pm

Hi Staying_posi

Thanks for your update! I also hope that you don't end up in divorce court over this, although marriages after deployment see a lot of stress.

I understand his lack of enthusiasm for group therapy - that wouldn't work for me either but some people benefit greatly from it.

You and he need to fight for your marriage. I know you will, but is he showing any interest in working on it too? It's going to take a full investment from both of you. I think you're doing a great job so far of keeping it together and caring for your baby girl pretty much on your own. This must be hard on you too and I am glad you are talking to other army wives as you need as much support as your husband.
Have you considered marriage counseling as well as PTSD counseling for him? Would your husband agree to that?

November 10, 2010 - 12:25pm
By November 9, 2010 - 11:43am

Hey thanks for the reply Susan. And to answer a few of your questions, no he wasn't like this before Iraq. It saddens me knowing he has changed so much. He has become a little cold hearted.After coming home from Iraq he can not control
his angry. He actual has thrown his cell phone to the ground if people don't answer or say something that gets him upset as well as kick his car in when he can't find parking. I have talked with other wives who were in my husband's unit and only the ones who are no longer in the army are going through similar things. I also think the lost of my husband's father makes his a little more

And as for a support group his counselor has let him know of one that meets once every week. I ask my husband if he would go, but he doesn't want to share his stories with others only with is counselor. And yesterday he told me he has doubts in moving back in and with us.He said he doesn't know how to feel or why he feels the way that he does so he moved back out again.

I do feel like my marriage is slowly coming to an end. I personally don't agree with divorces so it also makes it hard knowing that it might come to one.

November 9, 2010 - 11:43am
By HERWriter Guide November 9, 2010 - 8:21am

Hi Staying_posi

Thanks for joining this Group and for sharing your story. It does seem like your husband may be suffering some kind of trauma from his experiences. Was he like this in any way, before he was deployed?

A lot of people (including myself!) get upset over little things at times - like your examples of people not answering their phones or emails etc. That's quite normal but it's how we deal with those feelings that matter. When he gets angry at situations or people - what does he do or say? How does he react?

I do not blame you for feeling down yourself and I have walked in your tip toes, believe me. It's just awful to have to walk on eggs shells around a volatile person and their moods dicate yours. Their personalities run the house and decide the atmosphere. It's like being a prisoner and hoping every day that the warden is in a good mood.

Staying_posi, I think your husbands needs to increase his counseling through the VA. It's great that he is going but he may need more frequent sessions. Another thing is that he should perhaps join a support group - one that is headed by a professional (if it's a casual group of Vets just meeting up somewhere and talking, it may lead to nothing more than angry sessions that may lead to drinking and more frustrations so it needs to be lead by someone who can moderate and faciliate the meetings) - do you think he can do that?
He may need to ask his counselor about that but I think it could help too.

Have a talk with him and see what other options (like the above) are of interest to him.

And again, let me know if he was like this before. You need to be reasonably sure that his problems really are due to deployment or something else - so you know what you're dealing with.
I hope to hear back from you soon,

November 9, 2010 - 8:21am

Group Leader

Related Topics


A support group for mothers of men and women who are active duty military, deployed overseas, or veterans with concerns about their welfare.


Capital District, New York and beyond


This Group is Open to all EmpowHER.com members