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Just want to talk.

By November 21, 2010 - 9:03pm

Hi everyone

I'm 22 and I'm depressed. I have been since I was 12. I am taking medications for it but it seems that the more outside stress I have, the more they stop working.

Well for starters every time I get into a new relationship I get more depressed and extremely insecure. I'm just insecure as it is I guess, but I don't know.. I'm afraid of telling people my feelings in relationships because they'll run away. My dad told me the other week to not be upset because my current bf will run away. I was insecure before but now I'm so insecure that I feel trapped in a corner and insignificant. I can't even tell him that talking about his ex gf bothers me, because I'm afraid he'll think i'm too drama queen-ish. I know some of his past sexual history and it also makes me feel insecure and "less than". I know I shouldn't feel this way but I am not too sure if its legitimate feelings anymore or just extreme insecurity.

I also just got laid off from a job I've had for a year and a half. It was my favorite job, I loved mostly everyone I worked with, and I took pride in the fact that I did a great job and my customers loved me. I worked really hard and got commended on it often from my managers. But the boss fired me on the spot when I was late 10 min, after letting them know I would be late because my other job had run later than I expected. Is this what I get after a year and a half of hard work???

I'm in debt right now too, about 3500 dollars. I just got another new job and it depresses me because I've talked to the ladies there and they say they barely make any ends meet. How am I supposed to survive? I'm moving out for the first time in a week and a half. I don't have any money because I was depending on my tip money from my restaurant job to carry me through the move (but I got fired). I'm stressed out and tired, and I'm sad and lonely and feel absolutely hopeless and drained.

I'm trapped in a corner and I don't know how to get out - I feel beat down and like I can't rise up from my feelings. I feel trapped by my emotions, and the fact that I can't express them makes it worse.

My last boyfriend dumped me because my medications stopped working for me and I went through an extreme episode of feeling great and then feeling really low - as I was getting adjusted to my new meds. My last episode I told him I could tell this was the last bout of depression I was getting, but he ended it anyway and told me I was crazy beyond depression.

How do I tell people my feelings??? Can I tell people my feelings without having them run away?? I don't want to be a burden either. I don't know a healthy way of divulging my feelings in a manner where they won't feel I need taking care of 24/7. Also I just started dating this person like a month ago so it's probably too soon to be saying things, but these feelings inside of me are killing me.

I feel crazy and messed up and that he deserves better than to have a girlfriend that is so insecure and has so many issues in her life right now.

I tried talking to my dad about how I felt about my job and he told me that it was my fault because I was late, like I deserved to have that happen to me. After a year and a half, I feel betrayed by the company, and that's all he had to say was that it was my fault. I'm starting to feel hopeless with him as well; like I will never get a dad out of him, just someone who is negative and plays on all my faults and weaknesses. I just want a dad I can talk to. I want someone to comfort me and I don't have that at all right now. I just feel like curling up into a ball and disappearing. I know the right thing to do would be to press on through this, but I am pretty hopeless that things are going to get any better for me - I have a dead-end job, I'm moving out with said job that will only support my rent and car payments and bills (nothing else not even groceries), I can't express myself, and I'm alone in a city that's 45 minutes away from my boyfriend and all of my friends and family (which will change when i move). I'm stuck in a house with my dad who makes me feel like complete crap about myself. I have no one to turn to or talk to about these things because dad just makes me feel worse and more stressed out, and I'm quite sure that everyone else is fed up with my sadness.

By November 21, 2010 - 10:00pm

Thank you for sharing your story. As much sadness as you are feeling right now, it gave me a lot of hope that you are making some positive changes in your life.

1. Your dad, unfortunately, does not sound like the person you can share your feelings with. There are people whom you can share your inner-most feelings with (even the yucky, insecure, sad feelings), but you have tried with him a few times, and he has not shown that he can be trusted with those feelings, or trusted to provide the support you need. That's OK...many people in our lives can not be "everything" to us. Right now, he is providing you a place to live. That is temporary, and it sounds like you are moving out soon.

2. You can share your feelings with people, but there are no guarantees that they will provide support or a good sounding board. We've all had to go through the trial-and-error, between finding good friends and not-so-good friends. It sounds like you are going to the men in your life with not much luck (boyfriends, dad). Perhaps another place to begin would be finding an activity you enjoy, and meeting some women who have common interests.

3. Another person that would be helpful in your life right now is a counselor. I know you do not have the funds, but perhaps there is someone that can see you on a sliding-scale basis? Do you have health insurance? The medication you are on may not be working at its best, and medication plus talk-therapy are the keys to success for many people suffering with depression.

4. MANY, if not all, of us have insecurities in our relationships. Our minds do take us places that we would rather not think about (our current partner's past sex life, a loved one dying, etc). My psychologist friend told me the most helpful piece of advice: when your brain "goes there", give it permission for a few minutes to play out the scenario. If you are insecure about a partner's past sex life, acknowledge it, acknowledge that you have a past too, these two pasts and histories are the reason you two are together now; without these histories, you would not have the similar experiences that brought you two together. Basically, when your brain goes through heart-wrenching scenarios, your mind is trying to reconcile something emotionally trying, and that's OK. You don't have to succumb to it, or let it devastate you. Every person has these insecurities. Men worry about women's past sex lives, too. Most of it is human nature, but if it becomes frequent or excessively sad or stressful, it is time to talk with a counselor.

My last thought: you may be depending too much on a boyfriend, and not relying on yourself enough. It just sounded like you are very concerned about what he may think, if he'll leave, etc. I hope you have enough self-confidence and love for yourself that you bring a lot to the relationship, too, and know that relationships are "risky"... there is no way to know if this one relationship will last for 1 week, 1 year or 100 years...it is all about believing, having fun, being your best self, and taking small risks.

If you think everyone is fed up with your sadness, I wonder if YOU are fed up with your own sadness? People who love you will support you through the good and the bad. Maybe you are feeling like you are tired of being sad...and this is a great thing! This is the time to seek support, either through a free support group (we can help you find one), new medication, talk with a counselor, or begin journaling or finding other sources of enjoyment. Stop worrying so much about what other people think about you...find what makes YOU happy!

November 21, 2010 - 10:00pm

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