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Does my husband not want sex from me, or in general Join this Group

does sex really stop after marriage

By January 15, 2012 - 1:40am

My husband and I dated for several years.. we were team drivers for a trucking company and we had alot of sex. i got out of the truck and got a job at the hospital and he continued to drive.. he is gone for 4 - 6 weeks at a time and when he comes home sometimes we do not have sex during his home time.. the sex stopped after we got married.. I had already gotten out of the truck but i have done everything like sending him naked pics and i know he is not cheating cause his paychecks would show any type of down time and i pay the bills so i have control of all our bills and paychecks.... when we do have sex everything works cause I was maybe concerned with ED... there is a big age difference i am 33 and he is 47. i have discussed this with him and he said that he is fine and everything is good. He makes the excuses that we just dont have time when he comes home and this is why we do not have sex.. last year during 12 month period we may have had sex 5 times. I feel like this is not healthy for our relationship.. If it is something medical then I would be more understanding. Since the few times we have had sex he has had working equipment I just dont understand and curious if other couples go through this.. Its not really something I want to ask my co-workers... Outside the house when we are social with our friends he is very loving and holds my hand and smacks me on the butt and stuff so no one would ever think we were having problems in the bedroom... I almost feel like i am living a lie... outside we are a couple.. inside we are just roomamates.. please help

By November 29, 2012 - 3:32am

No it is not the reason that sex stop after marriage life as it would increase more due to passion towards the lover. As relationship has to be maintained on the both side side as men are more busy with there work in office and doesn't give any prior attention to there marriage life so in result it is the wife responsibility to take care who to intimate there husband.

November 29, 2012 - 3:32am
By HERWriter Guide January 15, 2012 - 6:08pm

Hi Kristy33

Thanks for your post and welcome!

I know that the trucking life can be both lonely and really tiring, especially for distance truckers and sometimes the phone and internet/texting just isn't enough. If your husband is coming home from 4-6 weeks of being away, you may need to be at least open to the possibility that he may be seeing someone on the road or is watching porn. Even though you can check his time charts, that is in no way indicative that he is faithful. Of course I am not saying he IS actually cheating but a healthy man who is refusing sex with his wife isn't "normal", especially if she is willing. Secret porn addictions have ruined so many of the relationships of our readers, I can't even count them.

But he could be simply exhausted, he could be emotionally distanced from you now that you are apart so much, he may be depressed or have a physical condition even he doesn't know about. Is he in good shape? Has he had a physical checkup recently?

A sexless marriage like this is not normal - there is nearly always a reason for a sexless marriage and it's up to your husband to be more honest with you and open up to you.

Does he seem depressed at all? Depression can all but stop libido. Is he taking any medication? This can also decrease the urge for sex. At 47, he's certainly not "too old" for sex and as you said - it all works down there!

Everyone has time for sex. To say he has no time doesn't really make sense, right? A half hour at night, an hour in the morning? We make time for lots of things and sex is one of them.If you have time and you're with him, then he has time too!

I think it's time to really talk to him and don't let him tell you he is too busy to talk. Tell him how much you miss him - and your intimate times together. Ask him what you can do together to make things better. Be as open as possible so he doesn't feel attacked (and it sounds like you are being a very patient wife!) but you do have a right to know what's going on because then you can work on fixing it together.But if he won't open up to you, change won't happen.



January 15, 2012 - 6:08pm

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alone75 Hello, I am almost 36 years old. My husband is almost 38. When we first met, I had just gotten out of a 12 year relationship. My ex took it upon himself to find someone else when I was 7 months pregnant. My little girl will be 4 in june, and my husband has been raising her like his own since she was about 2-3months. We are in the process of having him adopt her. Since we have been together, we have had another child. For about the past 2 and a half years, we have grown apart sexually. To the point of me wanting attention from my ex. A while back, about 2 years ago, I spent the night with my ex, but had no sex. I wanted to though, because I wasn't getting touched anymore from my husband. It now is going on six months without sex. He has a variety of excuses. He says he thinks his testosterone is low, but when I tell him to see a doctor, he finds excuses not to. Then he says he wants me to make the first move. When I tell him that after so many months of no touch, I am embarrassed to make the first move, which he calls infantile. Once he said I didn't deserve his touch. Another time he just expressed how evil I was. I wanted everyone to know I am not perfect. I did go to my ex for the emotional comfort. I know that was emotional cheating. I feel like a monster. I had to tell him though because I wanted him to have a choice of stay or go. About a month ago, now me and my best friend who is a girl played around a little. She is bisexual, and I was just so...ummm....in the mood. I have known her for years. The day we messed around(I did not do anything oral) my husband had told me to get the f@#k out of the house. I was plain fed up. I did tell him a few days later. He was upset, but not upset like when I had the emotional affair with my ex. All of this started though when he stopped being intimate. I didn't do this stuff while we were happy. It just happened because I am lonely. He comes home from work at around 11p, (he gets out around 10:30p) takes his sleeping meds, go to his computer, does whatever he does, plays his guitart, then when the medication hits him he comes to bed and passes out. I dread his days off because we yell. He has pushed me on one occasion, and smacked my leg on one occasion. It has only happened those few times, and I have been in a physically abusive relationship before, and this definetly does not strike me as one, pun intended. I don't know what to do. My girls love him so much, and he loves them. He gets irrate when I mention divorce, then calls me a quitter and loser. He says I am dooming myself because my parents are divorced. Well, my grandparents on both sides of my family were not divorced, and I have seen happy marriages and have faith that I can have one too. Just because it may not be with him, does not mean it can not happen. BTW, he is divorced. He got a divorce after 6 months of marriage. Please someone help me, I know I am not perfect, and if anyone thinks I am trashy, that is okay too. I am just the intimate type, who feels sex is important. I know if I condition my lifestyle to abstinence, it will be for him, and i will forever harbour resentment towards him for that, which is not fair to either one of us.


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