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Have you purposely looked for a partner with a large age gap, or did it just happen?

By August 17, 2010 - 1:59pm

My husband is 11 years older than I am. It was not something either of us intended! I grew up being intimated of the "older kids" in school, while some of my popular friends dated the "older guys". This was never my personality, and my highschool boyfriends were all in my grade. In college, I had a slightly older boyfriend by 2 years, and I thought that was a big deal! When I started a professional job, that was when I was exposed to many different ages, and met a few men and women who were decades older than I was, but we enjoyed spending time together after work. One of these men was particularly easy-to-talk-to, and long story short...we started dating, got married and now have two kids!

I have heard about men and women who purposefully seek out partners who are significantly older or younger than they are. I have never understood this, even though I am happily married and get along great with my husband. There are a few gaps that we can't talk about (anything that happened in the 70s, for instance...I was 5 years old, and he was driving...creepy!!) HA!

By October 19, 2010 - 11:03pm

I am 19 and the love of my life is 30 so we are 11 years apart. we have been together for a few years and now have a 3 month old babyboy. I did not purposly look for an older partner but the day i met him i could not keep my eyes off him and we connected in the most amazing way. The way he looked at me just grabbed me by the heart and i just could not let that feeling go, because i had never felt that way before. He completes me. His age does not bother me at all. I dont even really think about it ,but when i tell people how old i am & how old he is they give me a disturbing look. In wich i think is kinda rude but i understand that people have their own opinion about things. I was a little nervous to tell my mother how old he was but she did not seem upset about it because she seen how happy i was. I dont think age has anything to do with love. I do have an opinion though and i think that if i saw an 18year old with a 55 year old guy, i think i just might hurl. lol. no offense to those of yall who have that big of an age difference.

October 19, 2010 - 11:03pm
By September 3, 2010 - 9:46am

5 years really isnt all thast much i think that age is jus a number and its all about the attitude of the heart.
my boyfriend and i actually separated because our 15 year difference was just too much of a strain. we were in too very different stages of life and it was hard for us to really relate on a deeper level. so that is one thing to think about, where are you in life and is he sort of there too? the other reason why were broke it off was i felt that he was "trying to control me" i dont really have a better word for it but it was my percepton that he was trying to parent me. im mot saying that he was but thats how i felt, so being the older one you have to watch out for that becaues that is only going to make him put up a wall which in turn will pull you apart.

i know the feeling of paranoia becaus i was always feeling lik what if he wakes up one day and thinks, 'what am i thinking being with her??' but he told me that he wanted to be with me becaues of who i am not how old i am. if you really want to know why he is with you jus come right out and ask. thats the only way you can know for sure how he feels about you, why he feels that way, and where he thinks this is going in the future.

by no means am i an expert i jus wanted to pass along some things that i learned from my relationship and im sad that it had to end the way that it did.
i wish you two the best of luck :D

September 3, 2010 - 9:46am
By September 2, 2010 - 5:17pm

Hi im 27 and my my boyfriend of 8 months (not long i kno, but long enough) is 22, its driving me mad the fact that he may one day walk away from me the reason being im older then him. Iv become very paranoid,i kno this will defo ruin our relationship but i cnt help it.. He tells me all the time 'i like older woman' or 'i knew how old you were when we met, and i still went ahead with it because i like u' but unfortunatly i feel like he is saying this to shut me up for a while.... :((((((( im very paranoid and sad.. HELP..

September 2, 2010 - 5:17pm
By August 20, 2010 - 12:09pm

were your family and friends supportive of you and also how old were you when you met?

August 20, 2010 - 12:09pm
By August 18, 2010 - 3:12pm

yes i agree. that it is where you are in life not so much as to how long you've lived.
i've been through a lot and my boyfriend actually some times still seams juvinal to me in the way that he handles things and having a who cares attitude. but that jus may be me falling back on my lack of trust and being very causous. i woke up to the reality that life isnt fun and games all the time, at 17 when i woke up with health problems and bearly was able to graduate becaues of them. im in nearly constant pain due to these health issues and generally dont lik to have "fun" in the turms of most 19 year olds. i dont party or drink and i never talk to anyone from high school except my best friend from 2nd grade.
but as for my boyfriend i think hes still finding out that life isnt all fun and games. im glad that he is young at heart but having live almost twice and long as me im suprised that he hase not fully come to this realization. so again its where you are in life and what you have been through.

August 18, 2010 - 3:12pm
By August 17, 2010 - 2:22pm

Hahah thats funny.
My name is Caitlyn im 19 and my boyfriend is 15 years older than me. We get along really well and hes great. but i get what your saying that somethings we cant really talk about he was graduating wahen i was 3 thats jus a little weird and his favorite show stopped aring the year befor i was born.

I never liked older guys in fact when any of my friends dated guys that were just 3 or 4 years older i would freak out and tell them how weird it was. all my boyfriends were either my age or even a year younger. then i met larence and we jus clicked its not really that weird to me since i have older siblings and hes only 4 years older than my oldest sister and he was friends with her and her husband. i think that they are more creeped out by it. but we have been together for about 4 months and my perants love him (almost too much. hahah)
now it is my friends that are freeking out and thinking its weird. but since im not in high school anymore its jus not the same as i was then and i jus dont feel weird about it. i dunno i guess everything comes with time.
he said that he actually liked me for a while but thought he never had a chance with me but i met him at a singles function at church and after talking for a while we exchange numbers. he said he pretty much died and went to heaven at that moment. lol
so i guess my answer is no i never looked for an older guy in fact i wasnt looking for anyone at all and he jus walked into my life.

August 17, 2010 - 2:22pm
By August 17, 2010 - 2:02pm

My parents forbid us from dating anyone older when we were in highschool, and I am now grateful for this. As you age, the age-difference does not matter as much as when you are younger. Developmental age is what counts, as well as milestones. Even though a 17-year-old in highschool and an 18-year-old in college may not be an extreme age-difference, the milestone of entering college (or full-time professional workforce) is a significant difference. Everyone has their own life events, and this may be what matters the more than chronological age.

August 17, 2010 - 2:02pm

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this is for anyone that wants to give insight and talk about the strugle that come with having a large age diffrence with you and you boyfriend or husband. dealing with the family's opinon, your friends reactions and any other issue that my come up.


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