I know it's not my fault of what happened in the past. I have a fear that it will happen again, even though it's highly unlikely. Yet, when fear hits, I feel like I back myself into a corner and think this isn't happening. I'm struggeling with the fact that I feel that I have to protect the information, like it's a huge secret. I made a promise to myself that I would go back to counseling and instead of talking about family problems, to face the real problem. I know what happened in the past, shouldn't of happened. I need the strength to face what happened to move on with my life. But, yet only a few people know what happened and I still feel that at all costs I have to protect this secret that I was sexually abused.
Eventually, I will move on. This so called secret won't always have control over most of the decisions I make. I can't keep protecting this if I want to deal with what happened.