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The Rape Survivors Join this Group

Rape, guilt, promiscuity, HPV, anal cancer, cervical cancer...

By December 2, 2013 - 9:41pm

The above "list" is not really a list. It's a sequence. I lost my virginity to a rapist I met at a Halloween party and hated, in 1977. I was totally dressed NOT to attract a man, and I instantly disliked this dude at the party. He raped me after the party, and I felt guilty for going to the party. I thought I was "ruined" and had nothing to "protect"... and started just NOT saying no to sex. I was treated, twice, for venereal warts, caused by the HPV virus. On Halloween of 1979, I escaped from the escaped convict who had taken over my life and tortured me for three months. No more warts and I was lucky not to have caught any other STDs. A year later I married and was militantly monogamous for 28 years. But I divorced, then, and soon was diagnosed with anal cancer, which is said to be caused by HPV. I now have been told I definitely have HPV . I ALSO have abnormal cells in my cervix. I await biopsy results, hoping it isn't cervical cancer. I've been battling cancer for years and do not wish another involved, painful, exhausting fight. But i also have been thinking a lot about that rape in 1977... and wondering... was that guy the one who gave me the HPV that may kill me, or was it one of the other 55 guys... I will never know. But I'm certainly willing to blame him. It beats admitting that my promiscuous college days sowed the "seeds" I am now reaping. That's just cruel and unjust...

By HERWriter Guide December 10, 2013 - 9:01am

Thanks for your share and I'm so sorry about what happened to you.

Unfortunately, you will never know who gave you the HPV that is causing your cancer.

No matter how promiscuous you were, you still don't deserve a disease and in terms of that rape - it doesn't matter how you were dressed - nobody has the right to touch you if you don't want them too. Please don't think that way. I know in the past, a woman was routinely blamed in court if she was wearing a short skirt or had a kid out of wedlock or was a prostitute etc. Those days are gone. Mo matter who you are or what you have done - nobody can ever touch you when you say no. You didn't "earn" or deserve any of your illnesses.

Are you in counseling to see if that can help you to ease your ill feelings about yourself? And to help you with your anger? By the way, it's totally normal to be angry and down (I would be too) but it does you no good, especially in terms of healing.



December 10, 2013 - 9:01am

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A person who survivied a rape may join or anyone who may wonder what it is like to be a survivor. Any person of any age may join. This is where anyone can share their stories and find peace with what happened. This is where you can ask anything about the afthermath of being raped. You will get answers to the questions you may have. Mainly, this group is a support group for rape victims. And a way for people who haven't been raped to understand what happens afterwards.


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