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Changes that occur in a retirement marriage

By February 20, 2012 - 9:08am

Thought you would love it when your husband retired––more time to do things together, more help around the house and more fun. Instead you get what? More meals to serve, judgments on how you do everyday tasks, someone commenting on your everyday phone calls, more "things" just left around the house––or possibly a loving, smart husband who helps with all the chores and discovers fun things to do everyday?

What is your retirment marriage like and what do you plan to do about it?

By March 4, 2012 - 12:20pm

My husband of almost 42 years retired 4 years ago. He worked second shift before he retired so I had the house and my dog to myself for at least 16 hours a day (including sleeping), When he retired I had hoped he would get a part time job but no - he refused. He is a hoarder - not severely, but it's getting there (basement full, garage full, 3 sheds full and now a rental shed off the property - FULL.) He is very set in his ways and has "rituals" that drive me insane. I pretty much do all the cleaning if I do it at all. He does the dishes occasionally. We eat separate meals. He watches TV a minimum of 8 hours a day. I hate TV. I like to take walks - he likes so sit on the couch. We have nothing in common except for the children we produced together.
Since my beloved dog died last July 2011 the house is almost unbearable to me. Our marriage is loveless and has been for over 10 years. I live upstairs in my room, he lives downstairs in his. Divorce is a possibility but is expensive, would be difficult to figure out the monetary divide considering the state of the house (paid for but full of material objects) and it would put one or the other of us on the street, so to speak. I am fed up with the literal State I live in, the house I live in and the separate lives we live in the same house. This is crazy! But at the same time I am full of fear of the unknown. I recently started getting social security and a small pension. How can I know if that is enough to get out on my own? And I would like to relocate to a state where there is sunshine and lots of it (not Florida but prefer out West). I have worked in the past but am currently unemployed with no college degree. I am in good health and would be willing to get a job to survive. Since my dog died I have been taking 2 week trips, by myself, visiting family in different States and coming back the house I live in. I have not wanted to look for a job here because 1. I live in a small farming community and there are no interesting jobs here and 2. I don't want to stay in this community or even this State. How does one go about making these changes? As of today I have my husband's "blessings" to just GO and DO whatever it is I think I have to do! Sounds like a father reluctantly giving the car keys to his teenage daughter. I need to get past the fear! I don't want another man. I want a life.

March 4, 2012 - 12:20pm
By February 21, 2012 - 8:07pm

I thought it would be great for my husband to retire early because he had such a stressful job. He did retire, much to early to my dismay as he is home almost all day. He does have a few hobbies which take him away from the home for 1 to 2 days per week for 4-6 hours. It still doesn't allow me the time I need to think and do what needs to be done. He knows when I'm on the phone, he talks while I'm on the phone. I found that I need to be out of the house more often than previously. I have 2 small part time jobs plus volunteer. I need this time for myself. Some women shop but I'm not a big shopper and I don't need new things to be happy. I thought we would vacation and travel when we retired but I find I don't want to travel alone with him but with other couples is fine because I see him 24-7. He wants to be with me all the time and I don't feel the same way. Is there something wrong with me or my marriage of 27 years?

February 21, 2012 - 8:07pm

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