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I can't stop the heart ache inside and feel trust again

By October 17, 2012 - 5:10am

So my husband had an affair! I found out he confessed, he told me he was unhappy! He says he loves me, that should be the end........ So why do I still feel completely devastated and heart broken.
He said he loved me, wanted me still, has realised he still is in love with me.
It could be that he said these things while he was still messaging her about how she was wonderful, how he wouldn't let her go, as if! Those were the words I read, after having to go to the sexual health clinic and explain to them that the reason why I was there having multiple tests done for veneral diseases of all kinds was because my husband had been with another woman, who had had a variety of sexual partners according to my husband; usually when she was drunk outside pubs up alley ways. She is nick named 40/60; forty years looking from the back and sixty years from the front. She has hair extentions that cost an average of £500, face masks that cost £119 that she puts on face book as she likes. She works in a factory on nights packing boxes and tells her lovers she has hoopers syndrome and that is why her hair falls out in clumps; not that it is because it happens due to the damage the hair extensions do with premature hair loss and weight of the false hair dragging at the roots.
For three years our relationship had deteriorated I had asked on several occasions do you want a divorse? The answer would always be "no I am happy! it's you who have the problem not me. If you want a divorse go for it!"
He would make out it was me, I was neurotic, he had just done nights, he was tired, Ijust had to get on with it as he would always be like this, he felt ill because of swine flu that carried on for two years.
He would never say my food was nice, he said I was a terrible mother, he would be nasty to my little son and say he was out of hand and I spoiled him. One day when I had been crying and begging for him to talk to me, I snapped and criticised him; Itold him he was vile and he would be sorry as he was making no attempt to help our situation. I know I said some other horrid things with sheer frustration at not being able to get any answers. He gave me a look with so much blood curdling hatred and told me I was really truly horrible wasn't I. I at that moment knew I had lost the battle, I couldn't work out why but I had!
Our two younger children are ten and eleven, two older twenty eight and twenty five, we have three grandchildren from our eldest daughter who is married. There has been so much lying and deceit, three times he told me he wanted me but was keeping in touch with her. One day the last time I discovered he was still hovering between her and me. I was crying and he wouldn't talk to me so I packed the car and left telling the children not to worry I would be back. The children were taken to one of the elder siblings, I returned home late evening as he was supposed to be staying at my mums house that was empty. His suit cases were everywhere but he was missing. I was sobbing.
Where do you go at fifty one years of age with two young children, when a man who you thuoght was your soul mate starts being hateful to you and your children tells your eldest daughter you are vile to be with and she believed him for a while, is having an affair with a woman who can't string two sentences together without saying the F word, and looks like a worn out porn star, who at the drop of a hat sends disgusting messages to you about how horrible you are and how you have neglected your husband.
Who would you meet to share your life with? The children think you should kick him out, be alone and have a new life, fill it with grandchildren and perhaps go back to work after being out of work for three years after a tumour was removed from my neck that made me feel ill and was thought to be cancer, luckily it wasn't.
Everyone who knows him at work that I know tells me it is over, that everyone told him he was an idiot. Everyone knew but me!
He had a close emotional relationship with a woman who was a total opposite to me, he told her really nasty things about me that weren't true. Tried to convince my older children I was terrible to live with and horrible to him; now I have been completely annhialated as a person by the man who says I am his world and he loves me, it was all because he was mad for a while and is suddenly now has come to his senses please believe him! How do I move on? He is being charming and lovely but this is the same man who when we got married 29 years ago turned his back on his mum and dad and said he didn't need them any more, he only wanted me!!!!!!!

By HERWriter Guide October 17, 2012 - 6:49am

Hi kristil51

I wrote to you on your other post but the sentiment remains the same.

Why you do keep asking him if he wants a divorce? As he said himself - he's fine, he gets to live however he likes and still have the family! Why would he want to change that?

You have to make your own decisions and stop waiting for him to decide your life for you. You have listed a hundred awful things he does and still wonder if he loves you or if the marriage is worth saving.

You're only 51, you have lots of life ahead. Start thinking about your kids and their young lives being subjected to all this and honestly - you have to gather the strength and be a grownup here. Forget him, the affairs, all the he said, she said and decide what you want for your life and the kids at home with you.

Make a new life - it's never too late. Don't wallow in this misery any longer. Get a new job and get child support (it's the law) and move on.  Your 51, start taking control of your life - you CAN do it!

Good luck!


October 17, 2012 - 6:49am
By October 17, 2012 - 5:20am

I think I should have edited this before I submitted it, sorry I am a bit too emotional!!!!!!!

October 17, 2012 - 5:20am

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