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Is this normal?

By October 6, 2010 - 4:58am

I am a 25yr old woman living with my 27yr old boyfriend. We are very much in love, but about 90% of the time he is not affectionate or interested in sex. We have sex about 3-4 times a month and I feel like i have to ask him if i want more than a kiss on the cheek. I have brought up the fact that I would like to have sex more and i like a good passionate kiss every now and then, but nothing ever happens. Even when i try to encorage it he pushes me away. He seems to love me and treats me like gold in every other way, but i need more passion. I dont know what to do..

By October 14, 2010 - 3:58pm

omg i have this same EXACT problem. I am 19 and my fiance just turned 30. we have been together for about 4 years and we have a 4 month old baby boy. I did not recieve any strechmarks or weight gain from my pregnancy. I look the same as i did before i got pregnant. I weigh 119 pounds. so i dont think it is the way i look. and i have asked him if he did not find me attractive anymore and he said "it's not that". I ask him why we dont have sex and he always has a lame exuse like "im tired i had to work today","today is my only day off and i just want to relax" or "i just dont feel like it". I dont understand. a year ago our sexlife was the best thing ever! but now i dont get ANYTHING. No kissing, maybe a hug, No sex, ABOLUTLY NOTHING. I try to kiss him on the cheek or cuddle him and he pushes me away. I have tried EVERYTHING>from: dressing up sexy and doing things for him that i thought would make him happy, to literally clibing on top of him and ripping his clothes off. i dont know what to do i am just so hurt that things are the way they are now. it is quite sad. He looks at me as if i am stupid for asking. I dont understand what it could be. he does not seem depressed about anything. it just makes no sense at all. i hope something changes because my heart is just breaking day by day knowing that he doest not want to have any intimacy at all in our relationship. i cry all the time because i dont know what else to do. cant someone help me?

October 14, 2010 - 3:58pm
By HERWriter Guide October 14, 2010 - 2:30pm

Good luck cangrl05

Best of luck talking to him and be sure to update us - we'll be here!~Susan

October 14, 2010 - 2:30pm
By October 12, 2010 - 6:57am

Thanks for your insights. I dont know really about how he was in his past relationships.. i know he has nothing good to say about them.
We have been together almost two years, and have lived together for over a year of it. I don't really know when all this started.. I know it wasnt an issue before we moved in together.
I have told him that i wish he would kiss me more and made comments when he pushes me away. I dont think it is a confidence issue, I tell him how much i love having sex with him and afterwards i even make comments on how we need to do that more often ect. He's not a shy person.
I think i am just going to ask him. Its come to the point where i can feel myself being moody towards him because i have been thinking about it so much. Wish me luck!

October 12, 2010 - 6:57am
By HERWriter Guide October 12, 2010 - 6:18am

Hi cangrl05

GeraldAsiedu has given you some great advice! It's good to get a man's perspective.

Your boyfriend may be coming from a background that offered little affection and very little physical touching (like hugging, kissing etc).

I sympathize with being pushed away, that's a feeling of rejection no-one wants and quite frankly, he needs to stop doing that or he risks alienating you, too. That is not being treated like gold.

What do you know of his childhood/background?


October 12, 2010 - 6:18am
By October 7, 2010 - 9:51am

Hey is your boyfriend a closed person? if he is then it will explain a bit. He might feel too confident with himself in bed. And how long have you been dating? If it is a new relationship then confidence might be an issue he has. I would suggest a self-estime boost during sex would be a good approach. Tell him how sexy he is and what not. I beleive if he feels more confident about himself affectionally the more he will open up to you in the way you want. I use to be like that, I am a very closed person I do everything for her, but when it came to those little things she liked i failed horribly she would tell me about it and i would try but it just did not stick. And also past relationship might be a cause, if in his past he was not affectionate and it worked for him he is just apply it on you as well. Try to study him a bit more and see some pattern in when he treats you "like gold" there might be some clues.

October 7, 2010 - 9:51am

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