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By January 30, 2011 - 7:26am

I am 24 and lost my virginity last September. Although I am grateful that my lover takes his time with me and tries to give me what I need/want, I have never had an orgasm. I think the struggle is I don't know what I need/want in order to make that happen. I've never really masturbated before and so when he tells me to do what feels good or asks for guidance...I don't know! And on my few self-discovery attempts, I've tried doing my favorite things that he does but it always feels better when he does it. I'm still on the self-discovery journey but often get frustrated and give up; then I just want to wait for him and not have to worry about it. Recently, I decided maybe I should try a vibrator and that would help me discover more about myself and maybe give a boost to our sex life together. Any comments or suggestions related to orgasm, new vibrator usage, and/or introducing a vibrator to sex with him would be greatly appreciated.

By HERWriter Guide February 3, 2011 - 8:29am

Hi ae8604

Missie has given you some great info - also don't forget to "shop around" online (or in person if there are sex shops near you) for a vibrator that you think will suit you. Vibrators can be great additions (not replacements!) to a couple's sex life but trial and error will let you know which one is best for you. Some like them with all sorts of accessories, others like it plain and simple. Since vibrators can be expense, start with a simple one and take it from there.

Good luck,

February 3, 2011 - 8:29am
EmpowHER Guest
By Anonymous January 30, 2011 - 9:33am

Hi Ae8604,
Reaching an orgasm for a woman is MUCH different than a man. Where is Dr. Ruth when we need her? Although reaching an orgasm is not a simple task when you first start having sex, the most important thing is understanding how your body works.

First, there are two main orgasm locations in your body. First is the clitoris and the second is the g-spot. Let's explore both. The clitoris orgasm is much easier to get used to then the g-spot as it is harder to find. Manipulation of the clitoris (while lubricated) will certainly help with your exploration. The idea is to keep trying until you understand your body and the feelings you experience. Remember that you can do this without assistance of something inside the vaginal area.

Secondly, the g-spot is located inside your vagina. If your partner explores (for example, with a finger) he can find the secret spot as it will feel differently then the other parts. From what I have heard in the past, it will feel like a cotton ball area. This is better explored with a partner and of course will be fun for you in the meantime. The idea is to poke this area in order to reach an orgasm. In many cases, this will feel more as if you need to urinate sometimes. If you feel this urge, your on target.

For more information, I found these sites that may be helpful for you.
Net Doctor

Self Help Magazine

In the meantime, enjoy the experience and learn how to relax. Self manipulation will certainly help you understand your body better...don't leave it to your boyfriend to find out. This will take some time but once you understand the feelings that you experience, you will never forget...

I hope this helps.
Good Luck,

January 30, 2011 - 9:33am

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