Laura Yeager: "Tips for the Bipolar Marriage"
(This article originally appeared in BP Magazine.)
I’m no psychiatrist, but maybe I should be. A little more than 10 years ago, I got married, a big step for anyone. But marriage was a bigger leap of faith for me than most of my friends because I have bipolar disorder.
My husband Steve turned out to be a great partner, and I’m fairly certain he’d say the same about me. Everyone knows marriage teaches you a lot. But being married and bipolar means learning about yourself and your spouse in ways others can’t always understand.
Sharing the challenges of living with bipolar can bring you closer together. It can be an avenue toward real intimacy that comes when a married couple shares their deepest feelings.
Consider this heartfelt advice from a veteran wife who has worked through many of those special challenges. For now, forget the professionals. Listen to words of wisdom that have worked for us.
Life as a comedy
Know any jokes? OK, even if you don’t, remember humor can often defuse difficult situations. It’s better than bitterness, defensiveness, paranoia, anger or sadness. Be aware of the comedy in your problematic scenarios. Too depressed to take a shower? Try joking with your spouse about how terrible you look; you might feel better and get in there.
And remember, living with someone gives you a front row seat to what he or she thinks is funny. One time, I thought my husband was stealing my money.
“No, I wouldn’t do that,” he said when I asked him about it. “I’m stealing your credit cards.”
Taking it easy
When I begin to feel ill, I take a day or two off from life. I go to work if I must (I teach at a local college), but I try to stay inside and slow down. This usually helps me reclaim my equilibrium. For me, being mentally ill is like being physically ill. In both cases, I limit my activities until I’m better. Your spouse might appreciate the intermission as well.
The ‘new’ and ‘old’ you
Spend time with friends you knew before you got sick. It’s nice being with people familiar with “the old” as well as “the new” you. This way, your spouse sees you had a life before you became ill.
Add A New CommentWe value and respect the experiences of all of our HERWriters, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.
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I emailed this page to my husband, who is bipolar. I am hoping it will be a ray of light for him.
Thank You
I hope he finds it helpful, as well.
All the best.
I am a 28 yr female and was diagonised bipolar 2 yrs back, i recently entered an arranged marriage and my spouse is not aware of my BP.i had stopped taking my medication but now aftr 6 monthhs i kno i am relapsing and cant start my medication cause i am pregnant and can't tell my husband???is there any hope for me????
See a psychiatrist. There might be some drugs you can go on that won't hurt the fetus.
I am also bipolar, I have been with the same man since I was 17 yrs old. I am now 28. we have 2 children together, and things have just suddenly gotten worse for us. well, me really. I cant say how he is really feeling because of the things he says. I didnt know I was bipolar when we met, I didnt find out til along time after that I was suffering from this disease. I have done alot of bad things, from leaving in the middle of the night to fly to hawaii, to leaving for 6 weeks to stay at another guys house, ( even tho he was a friend, still a man) I have also, in our early years, before marriage, married another man, I dont know why I did this, I did not love this other person, at all. Maybe it was to hurt my husband, I cant be sure. But I do know, that being bipolar in a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, has alot of issues that need to be dealt with, along with your partner. my husband wasnt always around to show me he cared, I honestly didnt believe he cared, we have went through hell with eachothers families, and his family doesnt even know mine.. formally.. never met once. we have been together 12 yrs in july. married for 8 in feb.. and now... he is ready to give up and I cant really blame him, I have put him through so much shit, its unbelievable he is stayed this long at all... I have been trying to make an effort to show him how I really feel, and all i get is rejection. He brings up the past, ( again, i cant get mad about things Ive done) Ive apologized so much and Ive tried to explain the way I was thinking during the times I did leave. I never ever cheated on him, but I have kissed another guy, well he kissed me, but I didnt allow it to go farther, but there is no telling that to him, as he is already pained by the things Ive done. I just want to fix things, and make things better, Im scared if I lose him, I may, want to lose myself, and I cant do that to my children, they are my heart, but my husband is the one who holds it. and he is just letting it fall farther and farther. and Im completely broken, and nothing I can do to change the things that are happening. I am very sorry about the things I have done, no doubt, but when it happens, Im not really thinking about anything but getting away.. it seems when I leave, he shows how much he cares. so, I was thinking maybe, in some way, I do it for that attention, which is still stupid, and people who arent bipolar arent going to understand how I feel. there is no turning back time to change things. I just wish I knew how to fix this. im so scared to lose him, Ive been with him since I was a kid, and he has always stuck by me, until now, and he thinks its only because I need him to take care of me and our kids, but really, I dont. I can get help from my family, and the state, but he doesnt see it that way. if anyone has any advice, Id love to hear it.. my email is: darkangell81@yahoo.com
Thanks for reading...