I'm 23 (F) and have never had sex. I have a long term boyfriend (28) who is also a virgin. We don't plan to have sex just yet (this is a faith-based choice we're both content with and it's sort of irrelevant except as background) but we do make out and touch each other a bit through clothes and get really aroused from it, and we both enjoy this a lot and do it nearly every time we see each other. I can get very sexually aroused and wet from these times with him, however if I try to masturbate at all, even shortly afterwards while I'm still on a high, I get no pleasure from it at all. Even if I think about what my boyfriend and I were doing, or try to copy some of the things he was doing to me, it doesn't feel good, not even close to how good it feels when he's there. I've never orgasmed from masturbation, only ever in my sleep, usually from having erotic dreams about having sex with my boyfriend.
I wouldn't bother masturbating at all except that I've read that if women can't orgasm from masturbation they can't orgasm from sex, and I really want sex to be good when we do eventually have it, so I feel I have to force myself to come on my own just so I know I can. So I keep trying to masturbate in desperate hope that I can make myself orgasm, except I just hate it and get really irritated when I'm waiting for something to happen and it doesn't. It either hurts or just doesn't feel good and I get angry or teary or frustrated and give up, and it's got to the point where I think of it as a chore I hate more than cleaning the kitty litter because it's so bad. It's got to the point where I can be thinking out about the hot things I've been doing with my boyfriend and feeling aroused so I think I might as well have a go, but then if I try to touch myself I instantly get turned off, and if I'm wet I dry right up pretty much straight away. What's wrong with me? I just can't bring myself to like it and I get jealous that others can get pleasure from it so easily and I can't. Sex sounds really appealing and the thought of it is arousing, but masturbating just causes misery for me and I hate it, but I'm worried if I can't get off from masturbating I'll be rubbish at sex so I feel like I have to keep doing it even though I really don't want to.
Is it possible for some people to enjoy partner sex and get orgasms from it it but NOT enjoy/get off from masturbating? (I seem to only hear of people having this problem the other way round, which I don't understand at all.) If it's not possible, how can I force myself to enjoy masturbating and not just resent it when I try, so it doesn't ruin sex for me?
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