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hi, i am 22, my boyfriend/potential fiancee(havent accepted his proposal yet) is 27 and i was a virgin until 4 days ago, don't really know what came over the both of us. anyways he wanted me to touch him and i did and so he came on my hand, we wiped it out with tissue, after about 20 minutes he tried to get inside me without condom(well i let him try a few times), we didnt have any since i never thought we would have sex before we got married. i always tried to put him into me myself so i could wipe off any ejculate that came out with my hand, and there was always something liquidy there but i always wiped it with my fingers but i also tried to push him in with the same hand.
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I WILL update you Diane, thanks so much for your help. I kind of get this feeling that i might not be pregnant afterall too, thanks again ok, appreciate it.
November 11, 2009 - 11:45amThis Comment
I'm so glad that you are feeling you might not be pregnant. That's good.
I'll look forward to hearing from you again. And in the meantime, do consider making an appointment with a doctor to ask about birth control. Your university probably has a student health program that is confidential and inexpensive; that's a wonderful place to start.
November 12, 2009 - 9:15amThis Comment
Thanks so much diane, i really appreciate your help and i know the best way to be a hundred percent sure is to go have a pregnancy test but i am so scared of what the result might say, so i would rather get a little idea of what it might look like first. thanks again,
November 10, 2009 - 12:46pmand also thanks for calling to my attention that it might happen again, so now i know i have to talk to him about some kind of protection whether he likes it or not. Because right now he is at work jubiliating over his success of probably getting me pregnant and the fact that he got this whole pregnancy issue into my head and i am here at school beating up myself instead on focusing on my assignment and getting it done. It really isnt fair, thanks Diane.
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It's not fair. You're right, Anon. Here's the sentence that really ticks me off: "Right now he is at work jubilating over his success of probably getting me pregnant...."
If he really loves you, he will want you to accomplish your goals. And he will see your goals as being just as important as his own. But you're the one that will have to set the tone here, Anon, from here on out. It sounds like this whole experience has shown you a great deal about this man.
I wish you nothing but the best, and hope you'll come back and update me on what happens.
November 11, 2009 - 9:37amThis Comment
Thanks so much. My period was three fridays ago and no it isnt regular yet(wish it was). It comes between the 19th to the 28th day so i cant really say when its coming again but it should be anytime from now though.
i know u are not a personal issue or marriage cousellor but i really need someone to talk to so i might as well talk to you, but you dont have to comment on it if you dont want to ok. I just need to let it out.
I am canadian and a pharmacy student, My boyfriend is mexican(which is where the whole problem lies), has two degrees on computer science and electrical engineering, has his masters and doing his doctorate right now, and has a job with direct energy. We met in church two years ago, he proposed to me three months ago which i refused because i want to graduate from the university first but i really love him though.
He went ahead to go talk to my mom about the marriage thing, she was all positive with him, but called me and lashed me with all sorts of reasons about why i shouldnt marry a mexican and of course she was crying.
my dad doesnt support it either, he's been fighting me with everything he's got as well. They like him but they just dont like the fact that he is mexican and they also fear that we may decide to move to mexico one day after we marry(they dont want me far away from them, my boyfriend and i had actually talked about how we would move to mexico after having our two kids, that was before he proposed). They keep telling me "if only you would find a canadian like him, who is literate, God-fearing, and has a good job like him, we would be ok and thats all we are asking". Like its that easy. I care so much about my parents and i love my boyfriend too. i just dont know what to do and i dont want to make my decision too soon, which is why my boyfriend always says the only way for him to get me is if he gets me pregnant somehow.
My parents are christians so we both know they would have me marry him before my pregnancy even shows than have a baby without being married. But i dont want it that way because, i promised God i wouldnt have sex before i get married, i am still in the universityand so wont really do well with a baby right now, and i want my marriage to him to be on a clear grounds
not out of frustration(pregnancy), plus my troublesome parents made me promise i wouldnt get pregnant for him and to try to find another canadian friend, which i all agreed to because i didnt want anymore stress in my life at that time(3 months ago). i had no intetion of keeping that promise then, but i have been thinking about it because i really love my mom and knowing it would bring her joy makes me want to do it, but at the same time i love that guy, but for now i really dont know what i want to do.
All this is why i freaked out after we almost had sex 5days ago, i dont want to let God, mom, myself(most especially), and my family down, they are the reason i had been a virgin in the first place which made me proud(virginity). Mom is like an egg to me, i dont want her to break. Or a flower i dont want her to fade away as a result of too much thought, i would fade away as well.
November 10, 2009 - 12:18pmThanks Diane Porter, i know this is really a lot of information and a lot to read, but i feel better having let it out, i havent really had anyone to talk to about it, my mom is the only one i run to when i have problems but since she is being selfish on this one and would rather not hear about it anymore, its been a source of stress ever since. And again you dont have to comment on it ok.
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Anon,
Thanks for taking the time to write about your life right now and all the things that are competing for your attention. I remember so well what it was like to be torn between school, a beloved boyfriend and a loving family.
Your first responsibility has to be to yourself, Anon. You are in school to accomplish something that is important to you. As a pharmacy student, your work is constant and challenging. You could certainly manage to complete school with a baby, but it would be difficult. (My sister went to nursing school as a single mom, and spent many nights in tears because it was so tough.)
So your first task is this: Find a method of birth control that you can control. You have a boyfriend who WANTS to get you pregnant right now. You shouldn't depend on him to protect you. It is possible that you will want to have sex with him, so my advice would be to go to a doctor and talk about birth control that YOU control -- birth control pills, for instance.
If you absolutely control the possibility of getting pregnant, then it sounds like you have a couple more years of school in which to work out the parents/boyfriend thing. And I know that's really, really complicated. Your parents do not want you to move two countries away, regardless of how great the guy is. And honestly, I'm not sure you do, either. You mentioned that you might move to Mexico after any children were born, but do know that at that point, your children will be completely bonded with their Canadian grandparents and it will be even harded to pick up and leave then it is now, while you are younger, less tied down and (for the moment) single.
Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy. If he is, he needs to listen to you and help support your priorities, not undermine them by trying to get you pregnant. This man says he loves you. Yet he is trying to accomplish something that would possibly prevent your finishing school and that would maybe tear you and your parents apart. That's not mature, it's not respectful and it's a sign of more to come. If he is bragging to his buddies that he might have gotten you pregnant even though you're against it, it's a sign that he believes he's the one in control of this relationship and that his prowess as a man is more important than your goal to be a pharmacist.
Your mom is not an egg, Anon. She won't break. I promise you. She might argue, cry, and disapprove, but she won't break. She is a strong woman standing up to a daughter whom she believes is making a mistake. That's not easy! You need to see her as your ally, here. She loves you. More, possibly, than anyone else in the picture. Moms are like mother bears, you know? If they think anything is threatening the well-being of their cub, they will not back down.
Your parents want only the best for you, Anon. Of course, in their eyes, that means falling in love with someone with whom you share a culture -- and so you have some conflicts to settle if you stay with this boyfriend. But who knows? If you have the time to finish school, your parents may come around to love your boyfriend like you do in that time. Right now, they probably (correctly) see him as a threat to everything you have worked for.
Your vow to stay a virgin until marriage is very important to you. I am assuming that your boyfriend knew that, too, and still he pushed, trying to make a pregnancy happen in a woman who (a) wanted to stay a virgin and (b) doesn't want a baby right now and (c) isn't sure about where she wants to live in the future. No matter how much he loves you, there's also some arrogance there.
You have to be true to yourself first, here, Anon. You have to do it now, before marriage, so that you will set the pattern of being equal partners from the very start. He clearly had the time to get his education, find his career path, and become successful at it. You deserve the same.
It sounds to me as though you are not late yet on your period. And, again, it sounds to me as though there is only the tiniest of chances that sperm could have gotten through to make you pregnant. Breathe a little, Anon, and wait a few more days.
And make an appointment, OK? The birth control needs to be in your hands, here, not your boyfriend's.
Come back and update us anytime. I'm very glad to listen.
November 11, 2009 - 9:33amThis Comment
Dear Anon,
First of all, I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way, and that you've been crying for four days. Please wipe your tears and let's talk for a minute.
Your 22 and your boyfriend is 27, and you are talking about marriage. You clearly love each other, you are adults and you are thoughtful people. There is nothing wrong with getting carried away or with having sex as long as you are both consenting adults. There's nothing to be ashamed about in the least.
You say you "don't really know what came over us." I do: desire!!! It happens to all of us. You are physically and mentally attracted to one another, you clearly are talking about commitment, and the hormones took over. It happens, Anon.
It sounds as though you were as careful as you can be under the circumstances. The way you describe it, yes, there is a small chance you would have gotten pregnant that way, but it would be quite a small chance. Any time some ejaculate or pre-ejaculate enters the vagina (and it can, even if a hymen is intact), there is a chance of pregnancy. But it is a much smaller chance then it would be if he had ejaculated inside of you.
The thing to do here is to not beat yourself up over this, but to look realistically toward the future. Will you truly be able to wait until your wedding? Or should you have condoms or another form of birth control ready in case this might happen again? (And again, it would be natural if it did.)
Where are you in your monthly cycle? When did your last period start, and/or when do you expect your next period to start? And are your periods regular?
November 10, 2009 - 8:57amThis Comment