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First time sex trouble?

By Anonymous June 2, 2010 - 3:28pm
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I find that when I attempt to have sex with my boyfriend it seems as if it will be very painful and I ask him to stop. This is after A LOT of foreplay and fingering. Do I need to just suck it up and get through the first couple times? Am I crazy to think that it is maybe possible that it doesn't have to be excruciating the first time?

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Hi, Anon,

You know, it's truly different for every woman. Some have a lot of pain; others just have a little discomfort. Some women have a lot of bleeding; others just a little; others not at all.

You say it "seems as though there will be a lot of pain" -- I am confused, are you already feeling a lot of pain when he starts to try, or are you just worried that there will be a lot, so you stop before it gets close to happening?

When you and your boyfriend have taken your time with foreplay, do you feel lubricated, or wet? Or does your vagina feel dry? That in itself can be painful, and I want to be sure what the exact problem is here.

I'm so glad that you have an understanding boyfriend who is being patient with you during this time. That is really important. What has to happen for you to lose your virginity is that a piece of tissue called the hymen has to stretch and break, and that is what can cause the pain.

"Go Ask Alice" is a column on the web from Columbia University. Here's what she says about easing the pain of first-time sex:

--Focus on touching, kissing, and caressing each other in ways that heighten arousal before penetration.
--Try to relax and take it slowly.
--Talk with each other about what feels good and how you both like to be touched.
--To help ease penetration, add a dab of water-based lube on the opening of the vagina and to the inside of the condom (if he is wearing one) before it is unrolled, and also to the outside of the penis or the condom. Reapply as often as necessary to ease any discomfort and increase pleasure.
--Experiment with various positions.
--If an erection goes away, remember it will most certainly come back.

Here's more:


Does that help a little?

June 3, 2010 - 9:33am
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