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Have you had "The Talk" about sex with your daughters yet? Can you share any tips?

By April 13, 2009 - 8:55am
 
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I'm wondering how those of you who've had "The Talk" with your daughters about sex went about it, in terms of how graphic you got at what ages.

Did you name the proper body parts for your children at a very early age?

How old were they when you first explained how sex happens?

And was there anything you'd change about the way you did it? Did your girl(s) surprise you in any way?

As you might have guessed, I'm feeling a little anxious about this. Would love some input from those who have been there before me.

Add a Comment13 Comments

I am fortunate to be the (single parent) mom of a remarkable 27 year old police officer/daughter. We are enough alike that this topic raised all sorts of challenges.

With 60/70's sensibilities my approach was "tell it like it is". Interestingly the topic came up when she was very young - 3 years old. She was an "old soul" to begin with - but the questions were pointed and really earned honest answers, matter of fact use of actual names of parts and functions, and more than that - a comfortable trust-building vibe.

Not putting anything in her face, but keeping an eye out for things, we went through a predictable teen age (high school) rebellion. Even so, she knew enough to be empowered to go to the local Planned Parenthood when she didn't want to talk to me - and protect herself, and advise her friends to do the same. It matters at a time when kids are sexually active - and trying to balance that with what they each think is "supposed to be marketed".

I am proud of her - and her choices. While they are hers to own, I do believe with all my heart and soul that being able to start much earlier - or whenever you realize you will need to (that means something in your head has already intuitively picked up the sense it is time to start being open) start addressing the human topic of sexuality, birth control, making smart choices with an eye towards your possible future paths, etc.

Best of luck - and trust your kid and you to make the right choices if you get comfortable with your own sense of things - and trust theirs even during odd teen years.

PS As a daughter in a very traditional Catholic Italian family - this was not intuitive - but you can do it, if I did it! Peace!

April 17, 2009 - 1:12pm

I love this question! I have two kids (teens now)the girl is 15 and my son 13. I remember facing this dilemma when my daughter was 3 and I was pregnant with my son. She wanted to know why my belly was growing and was asking many questions. I really did not want to talk to her about "bees and birds" because I felt I was not being honest, but I wanted to protect her innocense too. But I also did not want to get too complicated by using grown up words that a little girl could not understand. So I went to the bookstore and bought the famous book by Lennart Nilsson "A Child Is Born". I sat down with my daughter and we browse through the pictures a few pages each time until we finished the book. The photos are so beautiful and show the whole gestational development of the baby real time. I explained carefully what each picture was about. She loved it so much that it became her favorite book and later on she was able to articulate very maturely the natural process of making babies.

I did the same with my son, but by then I had the sister who wanted to do all the explaining. A few years later a really cute movie came out with John Travolta "Look Who Is Talking", this was a hit at home and became my daughter's an all time favorite. She just rented it again a week or so ago.

April 13, 2009 - 9:20pm

I don't have children, but I work in the information field. There are many books and videos that are directed at various age groups. There are even some videos that are directed at parents trying to figure out how to talk to their pre-teens and teens.

I would recommend being honest and open. Words and details should vary based on the appropriateness of age, but you should never miss lead a child about sex or reproduction. Using baby language or misdirection could be harmful as the child matures.

The earlier you start talking about this basics, the easier the more complicated conversations will be as the children get older.

April 13, 2009 - 8:13pm
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