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help im 37 with 2 children and dont have any sex drive!!!!

By July 16, 2009 - 1:56am
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hi there ..... this is now drving me mad and is getting frustrating for my partner. Im 37 years old and healthy i have two children 7 and 13 but i have no sex drive... Absolute nothing not even a tingle and i dont no why and it been like this for easy 7 years. I do have sex because i know my partner as understanding as he is wants it so i just do it and yes fake that i am enjoying it. To be honest i could easy live without it. Please dont tell me to go to the doctors because they are useless here. Please any help would be something

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Nikkiijael, thank you for your question! I'm glad you found EmpowHer. If you'll search and look around the site, you'll see that many women have asked similar questions, worried about why their libidos just up and disappeared one day. You are totally not alone. In fact, an article I'll refer to later says that 40% of women between ages 18 and 59 experience some kind of sexual dysfunction. 40% is a lot!

My first thought is this: You say it's been like this for at least 7 years, and that's the age of your youngest child. When that child was born, you had a baby and a 6-year-old; you were probably exhausted, completely busy being a mom to two young children, and couldn't even remember what sex was. And then by the time your youngest was old enough to be a little bit self-sufficient, the lack of libido was just a way of life. Is that right? Does it partially dovetail with the birth of your second baby?

Can I ask you if you feel like you have symptoms of depression? Have you withdrawn from other activities that you used to like more, as well? A lack of sexual desire is often related to depression.

Are you on any medications? If so, which ones? Many of them have loss of sexual desire as a side effect.

Might you be starting into perimenopause? Have you had any symptoms (hot flashes, extreme moodiness, irregular periods, etc)? Because a loss of libido is also very common during the years of perimenopause and menopause.

Or do you think you just got out of the habit? How often do you have sex now, and do you ever initiate it? Are you ever able to orgasm when you have sex (or by self-pleasuring)? Or do you feel that you must fake it alll the time?

Do you still occasionally have sexual dreams, about your partner or anyone? Or has that stopped too?

Are you under a lot of stress?

Here is that article I mentioned. It talks about what to try when you love your partner but aren't interested in making love:


Does any of this help? Do any of my above questions relate to your life?

July 17, 2009 - 9:24am
(reply to Diane Porter)

oh my god yes it does. i think we have got out the habit having a 13 year old that goes to bed at the same time is hard..My partner only stays at the weekend and i dont want my son hearing anything. Yes i do still have sexual dreams and do self pleasure but reading the perimenopause thats sounds like me . Is there anything i can take or do ??

July 17, 2009 - 12:39pm
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