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How can I stop being angry about my partners diminished interest in sex with me ?

By April 20, 2010 - 4:00pm
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I started casually dating a guy last year. We met on a dating website. On our second date he made a bold move and intiated sex with me(whoa) I thought...alright I can do this. I was after all looking for sex at the time. It was AMAZING (the sex) it went on all night 5-8 times with extra in the morning(looking back this troubles me). I was shocked that I had the stamina myself. Spent the night, there was no question about it on either end. He didn't let too much time pass before he called me up again. In no time we were seeing each other at least twice a week. Going on fun dates staying up all night talking and also having sex getting to know each other... having fun finding that we had alot in common. Totally falling for each other. Time passed and I knew I was in love with him and him with me but there was this unspoken thing that I had to be the one to say it first and it made me feel vulnerable but I did it anyway because that's how I feel. Things were great for a while. Then some really bad things happened in my personal life. He was really there for me and we talked about moving in together. I have NEVER lived with someone I was dating and it scared me to death. It was fun playing house and being best buds for a while until I stumbled upon some sex files that were in our place. It turns out several women that he used to go with had been contacting him. One of them had plans to go to his business and get a service from him while she was in town and asked if he was still going to try to hook up with her again like he did last time he was dating someone and she was in town. She was relentless in getting his attention an left him several facebook comments about how he should go hang out with her. This was not it middle of the night text messages. 20 year old girls from clubs leaving sexually inappropriate messages. There were lies surrounding these issues which fueled me into anger and mistrust and made me wonder if I had fallen for a sex addict. I startes to see foggy areas in the past where I felt sex was missing and had asked if anything was wrong and just brushed it off or degraded myself by having to ask if it was me. Anyhow after having to give him the 3rd degree and getting into many a firey battle he claims to have cut all ties to his promiscuous past and states that it was just a phase and he's a better guy now. I can work with that but I'm not always 100% whole heartedly there and it makes me feel guilty not trusting or getting pissed of that the sex is lacking the old passion it used to. How can I be more forgiving and compasionate and get the firey sex back? I mean this in a more emotional way. I've tried every other route ("looking more sexy" spicing it up etc.)

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You are screwed! Lol im just kidding, it is natural for your sex life to dissappear. Now sounds like you have a few trust issues which may vibe off of your partner. Guys can definitely sense being interrogated by your distrust. Which pushes us even further away mentally. This is why you may feel the fieryness is lacking. There are issues that have been revealed about his history that may make him feel guilty & instead of being more understanding, men become more rebellious to the point it might affect how we feel about our partner. To your situation, it sounds like this may be the case whether it is fair to you or not. However if you want that fieryness back in your sexlife, you have to spice up his life. He may seem disinterested in the routine of his own life. Thats going to take alot of work, hes probably at a point in his life where he wants to either grow or learn new things that will bring back some of his mojo.

April 20, 2010 - 8:50pm
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