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I'm 24 years old with a 29 year old boyfriend of a year and a half. We moved to a new city four months ago and moved in together, although we were basically living together before that - we spend as much time as possible together and love each other like crazy. But recently we've been having issues surrounding sex. He was out of work for a couple months and just generally really depressed and basically NEVER initiated sex. When I would try to initiate I would always be rejected -albeit in as nice a way as possible. Prior to this he has always been very enthusiastic about sex and very complimentary. He got found a great job a couple weeks ago and his outlook has been much brighter, he seems to have snapped out of his funk. We even had awesome sex. Then the other day we had sex again. he basically stopped 3/4 of the way through and after going quiet and getting a little upset, made a reference to some childhood sexual abuse possibly being the cause of "why [he doesn't] really enjoy having sex." Naturally I became a little upset at this point, but he went on to say that he doesn't feel adequate or good at sex. This isn't true, I love having sex with him and tell him every chance I get. I've never had to fake it or EVER made him feel bad about sex. I've told him it's necessary for him to get therapy to try to resolve these issues because I want to be with him and I want our relationship to be great and be more than just a good friendship. I'm happy he's willing to seek help, but I no longer want to have sex with him if he doesn't really enjoy it. I feel bad about this, but I'm just being honest, I'm not trying to withhold sex. It doesn't exactly make me feel sexy or wanted if I'm not sure that he even wants to have sex with me. Basically my real question is, do you think he can resolve his sex issues with therapy and if so, will it take a long time? I know you can't say for certain how long it will take, but I guess I'm wondering if there's a general timeline for recovery. Also any advice on how to cope in the meantime would be greatly appreciated.
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I know this must be hard for you. I work a sex clinic and I hear about this problem a lot. There is no way to know how long your boyfriend will need help, it varies from one person to another. I know my psychologists get the partners involved and is strongly encouraged so they can help in the recovery process. Having two sets of ears is always better then one and wires can get crossed. Good luck.
January 8, 2011 - 8:18pmThis Comment