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I have been dealing with depression for almost three years. And i feel its taking a toll on my relationship. what can i do?

By August 22, 2011 - 11:13pm
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I suffered from post par tum depression that went untreated. Which led me to become violent and aggressive towards my partner. I have taken medication and it has helped very much. but i sometimes feel as if i have a very sort fuse with him. And sometimes with our two year old son. I don't like acting this way with them because i love them, but sometimes i cant help it. the little things he does sometimes just make me snap. please help

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hi rose, thanks for responding to my question. I totally agree with everything you said. I know being physical with my boyfriend is wrong on every level.There's no excuse. And thank god he's a good person and would never lay a finger on me. I know he has lost respect for me and i don't blame him. He's told me this. That's another reason why i have decided to go back to my therapist. I defiantly need to put forth A LOT of effort to show him i love and respect him, and that i want this to work. Especially because we have a child together. I don't want our son growing up in a dysfunctional lifestyle where mommy hits daddy.

On the other issue with our relationship, i guess now it does kind of make more sense why he doesn't want to be intimate. I mean if the tables were turned i know i wouldn't want to either. Thank you for bringing this into the light for me. I need to change my ways. I need more patience for both of them. It's funny, of all the things he says he wants from me, its patience. That's the key word!!

Thank you rosa for your time and advice.
Betty :)

August 23, 2011 - 2:46pm
(reply to betty1988)

Hi Betty!

So glad that you are taking a positive outlook on this and I must give you credit for taking responsibility for your actions and deciding that you will be going back to therapy. It seems like you know exactly what you have to do to make things better, now the key is to carry out with the plan to keep your family together.

It helps to take a deep breathe when you are at the point when you feel like you're going to lose your patience with either your son or boyfriend. Instead of yelling (which will be your first instinct) turn away and take a deep breathe. It helps to re-focus.

Good Luck!

August 24, 2011 - 7:55am

Hi Betty1988,

This question tells us a lot more than your other question, https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/my-long-term-boyfriend-and-i-havent-had-sex-while-there-something-wrong-me

I think it's great that you are now on medication, however, the damage is done and the fact that you're on a short fuse, you have been violent and aggressive with your boyfriend are all reasons why your boyfriend has kept his distance. There are two things you have to consider: The first being your two year old son, who has absolutely no say in the way mommy and daddy act. If there is tension between the two of you, then your son will know this-- believe me, having a two year old of my own, children are more intuitive than we often give them credit for. You both owe it to him to at least try to get along, if you can't do that, then it's time to move on. But I certainly don't agree with two people staying together because of their children if they can't get it together. Violence and Aggression is not an environment that a child should grow up in--no matter what.

Secondly-- If you really want to make this work, you've got to put A LOT of effort to prove to your boyfriend that you are willing to change. You're already on medication for depression now show him that you love him, care for him, and respect him. I can tell you that he has more than likely lost respect for you due to the way you say you treat or have treated him in the past. Pushing for sex isn't the way to get respect back. You start by treating him the same way you want him to treat you. Share responsibility of your son, show your son how much you love daddy and him, say "please and thank you, daddy", be a positive example in your little one's life and show his father what your family means to you. This will take a while, but it's the only way.

Wishing you and your family the best,


August 23, 2011 - 8:35am
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