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i have a very low sex drive and its costing me my relationship please help.

By Anonymous January 5, 2015 - 10:58am
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Hi i am only 19 years old however i have a very low sex drive its creating complications in my relationship my fiance is trying to be as much supportive as he can however, it seems never ending. What should i do for low sex drive is there anything i can take or do to increase it. Please help :(

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Dear Anon,

Thank you for sharing your question and reaching out to the EmpowHER community for support! I am sorry that you are struggling with this and that it is affecting your relationship with your fiancé. 

Have you talked with your doctor about this? Do you take any medication such as an antidepressant? 


Many prescription medications — including some antidepressants and anti-seizure medications are known for decreasing sex drive.

Overall psychological issues such as stress at work, low self-esteem, depression etc. etc. can cause a lack of libido. Issues within the relationship like lack of connection or trust, unresolved fights can also be a reason for your lack of interest in sex.

It's a good idea to talk to your doctor about your concerns. Your physician can evaluate and diagnose your situation and then suggest a treatment plan.

By definition, you may be diagnosed with hypoactive sexual desire disorder if you frequently lack sexual thoughts or desire, and the absence of these feelings causes you personal distress. Whether you fit this medical diagnosis or not, your doctor can look for reasons that your sex drive isn't as high as you'd like and find ways to help.

According to WebMD, here are some suggestions for managing low sex drive:

Treatments and drugs

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Most women benefit from a treatment approach aimed at the many causes behind this condition. Recommendations may include sex education, counseling and sometimes medication.


Talking with a sex therapist or counselor skilled in addressing sexual concerns can help with low sex drive. Therapy often includes education about sexual response and techniques and recommendations for reading materials or couples' exercises. Couples counseling that addresses relationship issues may also help increase feelings of intimacy and desire.


Your doctor will want to evaluate the medications you're already taking, to see if any of them tend to cause sexual side effects. For example, antidepressants such as paroxetine (Paxil, Pexeva) and fluoxetine (Prozac, Sarafem) may lower sex drive. Switching to bupropion (Aplenzin, Wellbutrin) — a different type of antidepressant — usually improves sex drive.

Hormone therapy

Estrogen delivered throughout your whole body (systemic) by pill, patch, spray or gel can have a positive effect on brain function and mood factors that affect sexual response. But systemic estrogen therapy may have risks for certain women.

Smaller doses of estrogen — in the form of a vaginal cream or a slow-releasing suppository or ring that you place in your vagina — can increase blood flow to the vagina and help improve desire without the risks associated with systemic estrogen. In some cases, your doctor may prescribe a combination of estrogen and progesterone.

Male hormones, such as testosterone, play an important role in female sexual function, even though testosterone occurs in much lower amounts in women. However, replacing testosterone in women is controversial and it's not approved by the Food and Drug Administration for sexual dysfunction in women. Plus it can cause acne, excess body hair, and mood or personality changes.

Lifestyle and home remedies

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Healthy lifestyle changes can make a big difference in your desire for sex:

Exercise. Regular aerobic exercise and strength training can increase your stamina, improve your body image, elevate your mood and boost your libido.

Stress less. Finding a better way to cope with work stress, financial stress and daily hassles can enhance your sex drive.

Communicate with your partner. Couples who learn to communicate in an open, honest way usually maintain a stronger emotional connection, which can lead to better sex. Communicating about sex also is important. Talking about your likes and dislikes can set the stage for greater sexual intimacy.

Set aside time for intimacy. Scheduling sex into your calendar may seem contrived and boring. But making intimacy a priority can help put your sex drive back on track.

Add a little spice to your sex life. Try a different sexual position, a different time of day or a different location for sex. Ask your partner to spend more time on foreplay. If you and your partner are open to experimentation, sex toys and fantasy can help rekindle your sexual sizzle.

Ditch bad habits. Smoking, illegal drugs and excess alcohol can all dampen your sex drive. Ditching these bad habits may help rev up your sex drive as well as improve your overall health.

Alternative medicine

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Admitting a low sex drive to your doctor may be difficult for some women, and some people may turn to over-the-counter herbal supplements instead. But, herbal supplements aren't regulated by the Food and Drug Administration, and in many cases, haven't been well-studied. Because these products can have side effects or interact with other medications you may be taking, it's important to talk with your doctor before using these products.

One product that's a blend of herbal supplements is called Avlimil. This product has estrogen-like effects on the body. And while those effects may help ease a low sex drive, those same effects may also promote the growth of certain types of breast cancer.

Another product — a botanical massage oil called Zestra — is applied to the clitoris, labia and vagina. One small study found that Zestra increased arousal and pleasure when compared with a placebo oil. The only side effect was mild burning in the genital region.

Anon, here is a link to HSDD (Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder) information in the EmpowHER community. I am sure you can find some helpful info here as well. https://www.empowher.com/condition/hypoactive-sexual-desire-disorder-hsdd

Anon, I hope this information was helpful and that you will call your doctor. 
Best of luck!
January 5, 2015 - 12:18pm
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