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My boyfriend doesnt want to have sex

By Anonymous October 29, 2009 - 12:00pm
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Ive been dating my boyfriend for like about two years now. Before we used to make love several tmes a day, but now that we live together he dosnt feel the same desire and always finds an excuse to not make love. He got rapped when he was a small kid and says he doesnt want to feel hes getting rapped? Its a very difficult situation because i dont know how to help him or if its really that whats keeping him away, or if its me. He does show me that he still loves me despite all. I dont know what to do.HELP!!

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Your boyfriend used to have sex with you before you lived together, and now he is saying that he is not capable of having sex any longer because he was raped as a small child?

I am so sorry he went through this horrific trauma as a small child, and if he is telling you this as the reason for not being able to be physically intimate, it is just not something you can question, combat or argue with. Even if it never bothered him before, he is communicating with you now that for whatever reason(s) his prior childhood trauma and/or other current fears/feelings are impeding his ability to be physically intimate. The only solution: he needs to seek counseling or a support group for adult survivors of childhood abuse (either individually and/or with you).

There is no way for you to "help him", except support him in seeking treatment and learn all you can about the lasting effects of childhood sexual violence on adults, and how it impacts their intimate relationships. A good place to start is: Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse (ASCA).

October 29, 2009 - 12:24pm
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