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I'm 27 and my Boyfriend is 25 we have been together for 11 months. At first everything was normal and absolutely fantastic we'd have sex multiple times a day and each time it was mind blowing for the both of us. About October last year I noticed things were starting to dry up, and it seemed like he had lost interest completely, whenever I brought the subject up he disregarded it and got quite annoyed with me, until one day I was so fed up of being rejected that we ended up having an argument, he eventually tole me that he had an anal fissure and he was in a lot of pain, I sent him to the doctor who recommended some over-the-counter cream that he had already being using (this aroused my suspicions that he possibly hadn't been to see the doctor at all). This continued until after Christmas and it's now healed and he's better. On boxing day he told me that he 'wanted me' and we had sex, sadly it was very selfish sex and as soon as he was done, that was it. I asked him if he could use his hands to help me finish but after about 2 minutes he stopped saying his arm was tired. I'd like to know how he would feel if when I got jaw ache I just gave up on him?!?
He knows how much I adore him and I will do everything I can for him to make him happy be this in the bedroom or around the house, he moved in with me about September time.
After that last time he hadn't tried to make any effort regarding sex of any kind again until after the new year, saying 'I forgot how good this felt'. (pretty vague and insulting to be honest) but again there was nothing in it for me as soon as he has finished that was it. But if I said that, he would get all pissy, using that as an excuse because he would start thinking he was inadequate.
It's now been nearly a month since we last did anything, yes we both work full time and sometimes we are tired I understand that but the thing that has annoyed me the most was last night we were in bed, he turned over facing away from me and I felt the duvet pulling back and forth, ever so slowly. I didn't dare confront him because I knew exactly what he was doing, I was hoping that it would lead to something but no he had lay and masturbated next to me, whether he knew I was awake or not I do not know. I don't know if he does this often, but surely he wont be thinking of me if I'm lay right next to him and he can't/doesn't want to involve me. I didn't say or do anything because if I would have tried to engage with him he probably would have just got embarrassed and told me to leave him alone.
I don't feel attractive as it is, with all of the refusals I get from him when I try to initiate sex/blow jobs etc with him. It knocks my confidence and makes me think there's something else going on.
I'm really at my wits end and I just don't know what to do or think about this anymore
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Umu,
Welcome to the EmpowHER community, and thanks for asking your question.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It sounds like a very frustrating and hurtful situation. However, it unfortunately seems like it's a common problem in relationships.
Although it sounds like you've tried to talk to him before, maybe it's time for another attempt. Sometimes people respond different to confrontation through a different medium--what if you expressed your feelings through a letter?
February 3, 2012 - 1:52pmOftentimes, the lack of sex in a relationship is the result of a psychological issue. Besides the anal fissure, is there anything else going on in his life that would cause this change? Regardless of any possible reason, in NO way should his issues make you feel less attractive or inadequate. The selfishness and lack of communication is inexcusable, especially toward someone you are in a relationship with.
Although it can be scary or frustrating to open up that communication again, it sounds like the best thing to do in this situation.
I wish you the best of luck! Keep us updated.
Best,
Danielle.
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