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My husband is a very loving man, and he loves to please me, both in and out of the bed. He really gets turned on by the idea of "controlling" me during sex. He thinks it is a natural instinct for a guy to get turned on by a woman being completely submissive, to the point that she has no control in the situation. Now, I do not think my husband would ever hurt me in any way. However, in the past he has enjoyed watching rape porn, and I am pretty sure that is where he got his bondage fantasies. He has since realized the severity of what rape REALLY means and understands that type of porn is unacceptable. (Should I be concerned that he was able to be aroused by rape scenes? Because it certainly disgusted me!) I fear that his desire to have a visual display of my submission and his control could lead to, if it is not already rooted with dengerous thoughts. What do you ladies think?
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Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your question and for finding EmpowHER. I think you sound like a very level-headed and smart woman. I think many of us struggle with the role of porn in our relationships. To a certain extent, I think it is natural for a man to be visually aroused by images of sex and nudity. Personally, I think it also is a slippery slope. The more you look at it the more gray the lines get between what is acceptable and what isn't. I think I certainly would be offended by a man finding rape arousing. Yes, I can see the idea of submission as titillating, but again, where is the line? Consent. What goes on between two consenting adults can be OK. What goes on between a man and a woman who is being violated against her will is a legal and moral issue. This is my own opinion, and don't claim to be any sort of authority on any of this, so take it with a grain of salt. For more to consider on this topic, check out a search on Pornography within EmpowHER: Pornography Articles and Community ASKs
Let us know what you think?
And for others reading this, what role does pornography play in your relationship? Let's talk about it! (try to keep at least the discussion clean, ladies...this is a public forum, and we don't want to offend anyone)
December 29, 2010 - 9:55amThis Comment