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Sexual Health Question: Difference in Genders regarding "Resolution" phase

By November 13, 2008 - 3:00pm
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I would like to know more about this, and also if there is something I can do about it!

After my husband and I have sex, he is tired and starts snoring after 2-3 minutes. I, on the other hand, am wide awake, wound up and still physically excited. I replay what just happened, and want to talk about it. Maybe this is why he goes to sleep? (ha ha). I understand that there are "phases" to sexuality, and the "resolution phase" is when your body physically goes back to it's pre-excited state of being.

So, as my husband sleeps, I spend my "resolution phase" staring at him (er, glaring at him would be the right word). It's not a big deal in our marriage, something I understand to be gender differences at a very basic biological level. Sometimes he overcomes his "maleness" and cuddles, but there is never any "pillow talk" that you see in the movies. We do most of our cuddling beforehand. Is this "pillow talk" only in the movies, or only reserved for people in their 20s? (We are both in our mid-40s...we're still young!).

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Thank you for the great information! I will look into some of the supplements you suggested, and it is always a challenge to "communicate, communicate, communicate" as we should.

November 16, 2008 - 8:48pm

Dear Free2BMe

A good source for understanding the four stages of sexual response (one of them being the Resolution stage or Phase 4) is a book by Masters, W.H. and Johnson, V.E. called Human Sexual Response New York: Bantam Books, 1980. From reading this book a few years ago, I learned that the Resolution phase between men and women are very similar as in both cases it typically culminates on a “general feeling of relaxation” which would explain why your husband (and most males for that matter) goes to sleep right after reaching orgasm. And although men between the ages of 40 and 55 begin to experience a phenomenon which is similar to the female menopause (referred to as male andropause), it appears from your posting that your hubby is enjoying great sex and enough levels of testosterone to perform all phases. However, the snoring could indicate other conditions. Has he been evaluated for Apnea? You may also want to consider checking his B12 levels, magnesium and calcium. Andropause can deplete males’ bodies from these very important nutrients.

Now let’s talk about you! You do not mention whether or not you are achieving orgasms. The female body does not respond the same way as a male body does, and many times your body is just getting started and could go on for hours experiencing multiple orgasms. That is why foreplay time is very important. You may want to try getting a few orgasms out of the way before he gets his. The most important thing is that you communicate your needs to him in advance. Find time for play and romance, be creative and "guide him" to your G spots not just the day of but throughout the week! Our modern life patterns have left us with very little time to experience love making and intimacy. Men use sex as a release from a hard day at work and women are generally not mentally and emotionally prepared for a short sexual encounter. So make sure your foreplay start days before….and communicate, communicate, communcate your desires to your hubby. This allows couples for honest dialogue and more intimate moments. As our bodies age, stress is harder to recover from unless you pay attention to good nutrition, hydration, exercise, meditation, et. Sexuality can also evolve and become more creative as our bodies transition to a different stage in the aging process. Sexual encounters should include strategies that prepare your body to enjoy your full sexual potential. In the meantime, keep an eye on your husband’s body changes too. During andropause, males begin to question their purpose in life, emotions, and a sense of awkwardness with changes in their bodies such as loss of muscle mass, delays on erections, etc due to steady decreases of testosterone. There is a great natural product that is known as the Peruvian Viagra, it is called MACA. My husband and I take it, it helps regulate (naturally) hormonal and energy levels. Do not ignore his snoring as it may a sign of a more serious condition. Hope this helps!

November 13, 2008 - 7:20pm
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