What to do when my husband doesn't want me anymore

Broken,

I'm so glad things are getting some better for you. You were in a rough patch when you first wrote us.

I would like to point out that in your first letter, you were trying to figure out what was wrong with YOU -- starving yourself, dressing differently, and trying to do anything possible to "fix" whatever was wrong. And it turns out the problem was with HIM -- not you. You need to trust your instincts about this in the future. Don't automatically decide that if something is wrong, it must be your fault. To be successful, a married couple has to be able to talk about anything. Otherwise, people can just be miserable without knowing how to fix it, like you were.

What "supplements" is he taking that is making his hormones be not stable? Is he using steroids? If so, does he know how harmful the long-term effects on his body could be?

Thanks guys for the advise!! Things getting better in past few days. I didnt hug him & I turn my back on him while I'm sleeping..He felt something wrong so he tried to intimate with me more. ans thats make me feel so much better. He said He on lots supplement ( he went to gym almost everyday ) & thats make his hormone not stable..up & dwn all the time..

Sorry you are going through this. I also have recently dealt with similar issues in my marriage of 12 years. I'm 43 and felt that he didn't find me attractive anymore (although I haven't exactly let myself go :). After several months of couples counselling, we uncovered his porn addiction as a BIG part of the problem. Basically, if he's gratifying himself, he's not coming to you for intimacy. We also found that my husband has major intimacy isssues (i.e. horrible relationship w/ his mother) and has actually gotten to the point where porn is more comfortable to him than real-lfe. Anyway, bottom-line is that looks really had little to do with it. It took lots of therapy to get to the point where I can stop blaming myself, so I know it is hard to believe this when you are facing rejection, but I doubt your physical appearance has anything whatsoever to do with it.
After months of couples therapy, we have a better relationship, but still have a LONG way to go (and I'm not sure I'm up for the trip, but am working on it now for the sake of my children). We didn't get help until our relationship was completely broken, so my advice for you would be to get help now while your marriage is still young, and stay strong! Also, spending time with friends (and focusing less on your husband) will help you with your perspective improve your outlook. Good luck!

Broken,

I'm so sorry that this is happening. I would like to ask if anything else in your lives have changed since you got married. Is he having extra stress at work? Are finances an issue?

I want to point out that it is both people's responsibility to try to make all parts of a marriage work, including the sexual part. The fact that you are going to the gym and trying to look nice is great, but you are totally focused on him, him, him, and not about how it makes you feel. You should go to the gym because it keeps you healthy and feeling great; you should wear a dress because it makes you feel pretty; you get manicures because it makes you feel well-groomed and taken care of. But what I hear is that you are believing that there is something wrong with you and that that's the reason you aren't having sex. That's just not the issue here.

I agree with Miscortes -- you HAVE to be able to talk about this, or the marriage isn't going to work. It's that simple. Clearly, he feels somehow differently than he did before you were married. (Am I wrong? Or did this problem start before you tied the knot.) So it's necessary for him to help you figure out where the problem lies. His age -- 26 -- is not an excuse. He's not old. He's young, and so are you.

Is there any other problem you suspect? Does he look at porn? Does he drink, or do drugs? Could he be depressed? Let's look at this from multiple directions and see if there are any other likely explanations.

errr.....He got pissed off even more If I try to talk about this stuff outside. I tried everything everyway but seem doesn't work. He hugs me & told me that dont worry about this. He will never go anywhere He will here with me forever. to him sex isnt important :(
For me , sex is the way to show me that he still want me & attractive to me. It's human nature to wanna be loved , be wanted , intimate with our lover. I'm at the point of giving up.
today Im not even touch him or hug him. I try to make my point to him that If he doesn't to intimate with me then I dont care I dont want him neither....but deep down inside I'm crying

Hi anonymous,

I am so sorry about you situation. Hang in there.

Communication is key here. Clearly, you are trying to tell him how you are feeling and you are not happy with the outcome of his communication technique. Remember men see 'we need to talk' as an instant mechanism for RUN!

I think what you should try is get out of the house and go to dinner or something. Pick somewhere where it is only you and him (and you must talk). This is a sneaky way of trying to get communication started without distractions. Pick a place where it will not be too crowded (i.e. no sports bar or a place where televisions are plastered everywhere) . Now, that you both are in a comfort zone where talking is necessary, tell him how you are feeling. This may help break the communication gap.

Let us know if this helps. Trying to get him to open up will help this situation. Keep us updated!