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Why does my boyfriend watch porn instead of having sex with me?

By Anonymous June 24, 2010 - 6:40am
 
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We have been together almost a year now, when we first got together we couldnt keep our hands off each other and I still feel that way but since I got pregnant and we moved in together we barely ever have sex maybe once a week if im lucky and im pretty sure i only get it then because he knows i get sad easy i am 6 months pregnant! I found out he watches porn most mornings after I go to work and that really hurts me im carrying his child i want him to want me like i want him, not to want porn over me that makes me feel fat and ugly and useless and im not fat ugly or useless so why does porn interest him more than i do ? and i understand men are visualbut that doesnt seem to matter to him ill put on my skimpiest clothes and underwear but he barely notices i could be naked and he'd barely notice we go to bed and i present myself open and he doesnt notice he doesnt even show me the slighest bit of affection anymore in or outta the bedroom we pretty much dont even say i love you anymore and yet i crave to hear it and feel it and around the time the sex stopped so did basic communcation so i cant exactly talk to him about it he just walks away when i bring up any form of a problem really we only talk about him when it comes to casual conversation he ignores or changes the subject to his life when i bring up mine did i do something wrong i havent changed much in the past year except bein pregnant.....am i really just missing the point blank fact that he doesnt want me anymore? why wont he just say so why wont he hear what i have to say and why does he say he stillwants me around yet the only reason were still together is the child i carry cause we sure have nothing else in common anymore

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hiding and teasing is never good. I know the feeling of "Am I crazy, or is this messed up?". If you aren't happy most of the time, something's not right. You need to confront him, tell him how you feel, and do what makes you happy. Everyone likes sex, and he should be darn happy someone wants it with him. As far as his choice of porn, it seems like he just wants something really fantasy-like and may be trying to relieve stress, due to a new baby. BUT, he should not be neglecting you either. A relationship is a partnership of equals. Make sure of that. Good luck to you.

June 13, 2012 - 11:59am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I've been with my current boyfriend for nearly a year now. We got together when I was seven months pregnant (my ex had cheated on me) everything sexually was ok but he had (and still does to an extent) a problem with teasing me like no tomorow then taking his laptop into the bathroom and jacking off to anime porn or simply rolling over and going to sleep. Which left me tossing and turning all night or having to go take a bath in order to releive my ownstress. I didn't (and still don't) want to have to take a bath every time i turn around. After going through the healing process after giving birth to my son (who is now 9 months old) and waiting a week for my birth control to kick in we finaly got a night together. It was great (despite his inability to last very long which has improved slightly) but after that he barely even looked at me for a week. I could barely get more than a peck on the lips and a quick hug. I noticed him hiding his laptop from my view and automaticaly knew it was porn. I confronted him about not paying a speck of atention to me and his response was that he didn't want a relationship that evolved aroung sex. Which wasn't what I'd been referring to. Lately he's told me he just looks at porn out of boredom but i'm sure that he jacks off when i'm not around and the only time he looks at porn is when i'm gone. I never make sexual advances for fear of him thinking all i want is sex, but i never tell him no when he's the one that's horny because that's the only time i know i'll get. The last time he seemed into sex was my birthday in may and it lasted for about an hour and then he actually cuddled with me all night long. We've had sex since but not as sensual. I'm probably just over reacting but either way i'm going mad. I'm not sure how to show that I'm interested in sex without seeming like that's all I want. Please help!

June 13, 2012 - 8:32am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am also in the same situation..I asked him why I didn't turn him on because he also tells me no when I as or try to be seductive...and his answer is I just can't.

March 31, 2012 - 7:04pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

At the end of the day, he is not showing you the respect you deserve as a person. All you need to worry about is yourself. He is an adult and can get his stuff together like a big boy. Do what makes you happy.

January 10, 2012 - 9:19pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Yeah, my gut feeling exactly. Why do I have to prove it to dump him? Why do I have to win? The worst part is he owns a struggling business & has no money to find somewhere else to live. So my guilt keeps him here because dumping him will cause him to lose everything. On the other hand, I do agree I deserve better.

January 9, 2012 - 6:22pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi,
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. For the past 2, he's been sneaking porn in the house, hiding it in weird places, even though he has it on his (precious) phone also. No matter what I say or do, he masturbates daily, meanwhile ignoring my needs for weeks. When we have sex, I'm lucky if I get little more than just shoving it in. Meanwhile, he expects oral and all sorts of fun things. Needless to say, I can't get off. I understand all men look, especially if they happen to have it pocket sized and constantly on them. And he acts very sweet, brings me flowers, chocolates, invites me to the movies, etc. But after some snooping,(yes, I honestly feel like I have to at this point) I realize that he does this after, JUST after looking at all sorts of porn. Like immediately after the porn was movie times and sh*t on his history. He also does this really weird thing where he masturbates next to me in the morning while I'm sleeping. I've told him not to hesitate to wake me up, but it seems like he likes the 'thrill' of it? I'm beginning to think all men do this, and if that's the case, I'm switching teams. Is he being normal? And am I being "Crazy" for wanting sex, intimate, passionate, attentive sex with my partner? Am I "crazy" for being hurt? Feeling like he's choosing porn? Sometimes when I come home from work the bedroom door will be closed and locked. Guess what he's up to. Or, there's a mess in the sheets for me. And no sex later. I just don't understand.I haven't put on weight, I haven't stoped doing anything. I try to look good for him, hair make up etc. And like I've said, this has been going on for a long time. I've tried talking, tried sexing it up, (and there's not much I won't do in and out of bed anyway) tried bi*ching, tried ignoring it, I've exhausted every option. I just don't get it. You can't just STOP touching your wiener and looking at nudes, if only to please the girl who gives you everything? The person you say you love? If you have to sneak around to do it, don't f**king do it. Isn't it that simple?
He won't talk about it, and certainly won't stop or change it.
Any Ideas? I'm not going to stay with him forever for flowers and chocolates. I'd rather have sex.

August 18, 2011 - 6:33am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Dump him now! It will only get worse, especially because you`ve been putting up with it by staying. He knows you won`t leave, and will always take advantage of that fact. I had to end two relationships in the past year because of their porn use. It`s incredibly empowering to take control of your life, sexuality, etc. Stay strong and do what`s right for YOU.

November 22, 2012 - 8:37am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi please help me, I am an Indian and have an affair with an Indian boy from 7 years, we have been living together from 2 years and I love him so much and he loves me as well, I have used his laptop for some reason and seen porn sites in it and even about escort girls in it I asked him and he denied it first and when I said I have got proof he accepted that he has watched porn sites but never went to a prostitute and he said he would stop seeing porn and promised me, but I found 6 or 7 more times in his computer. And our sex life is not very excited as it was in early stages. I really feel so insecure and I have lost lot of confidence, Do I leave him or is there any way to change him please help me I am going mad day by day just thinking about it all the time. I dint share it with any of my friends as they think I have really got a good boy friend. please help me. Thanks in advance. Sweety

December 18, 2010 - 4:59pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Me and my boyfriend of two years don'thav any kids together but i do have two and have had a (twins) still birth with him and 3 miscarriages. i have what they call an apron stomachwhich isn't sexy but he says if doesn't bother him and until a few weeks ago we were having intercourse normally (for us anyways) then it just stopped. I recently realized that while i've been pretty mch throwing myself at him and him turning me down for sex he's been waiting til after i go to sleep or work before watching porn and doing it himself. it really hurts and makes me think something is wrong with me. not sure what to think or do about it

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November 17, 2010 - 6:56am

Hi, Anon,

First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy!

This is a time full of change for both you and your boyfriend. And while it's impossible to know what's happening for sure without knowing the two of you in person, there are some things that happen pretty regularly for couples during pregnancy, especially a first pregnancy.

When you got together, you couldn't keep your hands off each other. That's common! It's new, it's a rush, it's exciting. After a while, that usually settles down a bit, as we get to know our partners more and the newness wears off.

But when a pregnancy happens -- and was it unexpected? -- men can have a hard time with the transformation of their lover into a mother. They see it and feel it as your body changes and grows. It's out of their control. It's their child in there, and they may worry about providing for their new family, or whether they will be a good dad. And sex -- which used to maybe be a combination of release, fun, love and fantasy -- doesn't seem the same to them because they're so conscious that the baby is RIGHT THERE.

I'm not saying that this is what's going on, for sure. But porn would still be that combination of sex and fantasy, with no real-life interference. He doesn't have to worry about the feelings of the girls in the photographs. He doesn't have to think about providing for them or whether he will do OK during labor and delivery. He can just lose himself in the images and the fantasy. It's easier.

I do worry for you that communication seems to have almost stopped between the two of you. You didn't mention how old each of you are, or how much experience you have had in relationships before, or whether this pregnancy was planned. But all those things can affect how you communicate.

How does he feel about the baby? Does he go to appointments with you? Is he eager to hear about the baby's progress? Does he like planning for when it comes?

June 24, 2010 - 10:12am
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