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Why isnt my boyfriend having sex with me?

By Anonymous June 9, 2010 - 2:59pm
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In a past relationship, the guy I was seeing would withold sex from me. So my insecurities are there. When I first began seeing this new guy, almost two years ago, I wanted something different, I didnt want a relationship based soley on sex, so I tried taking baby steps. We didnt have sex unti labout three months into our relationship. We had great sex, everytime, all the time. Now, over a year later, I cant even remember when the last time I had sex was. I was to think it was four or five months ago. I have tried talking to him about, and he claims its stress. He has no stress. He has a great job where he plays all day, he doesnt have to cook, clean, deal with kids, nothing. We live in a house with our room mate and dog, and do the 'domestic thing'. we go out with friends occassionally, we eat dinner, go grocery shopping, blah, blah, blah. I try to make things happy and nice for him, again, cooking, cleaning, letting him go out with his friends, litterally whenever he wants. I know FOR A FACT he isnt cheating on me and there isnt a porn obsession (as with another ex). It makes me cry. And I cry at him sometimes, because it hurts that bad. "why dont you want me anymore, whats wrong with me, what happened, dont you love me anymore?" are all questions I have asked, on more than one occassion, a few I have asked a couple times. He isnt nearly as affectionate as he used to be, doesnt hug me or kiss me or even hold my hand really, unless I point it out, that hes ignoring me. I have even tried sending him naughty pictures in hopes of spicing things up. And I dont get a response. Where when I used to do that in the begining he would leave work to come to me. I dont know what to do. And it so breaks my heart.

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I'm in the same situation and I really need help. Me and my partner have been together nearly 9 months now. Sex was great in the beginning but 3/4 months in it started going down hill. Im 23 and he's 25. We don't live together, he lives an hour away so I see him every other weekend so he should be looking forward to me coming up but nothing. Over Christmas I stayed with him a week and we had sex once for a couple of minutes when he was drunk and that was it for the week. He keeps saying he has a low sex drive. I'm not being big headed but I'm not ugly, most of his friends have said he a punching way above his weight with me. I'm talk, slim and pretty!! I try and touch him and he pushes me off. But as soon as he's hard it's like come on lets go. And he loves going in the shower with me!! I don't know what to do. I love him a lot and he says he loves me. I've told him he's making me feel insecure and ugly but there still isn't any chance. Somebody help me

December 29, 2014 - 6:13am

Hi Anonymous

I'm sorry you are in this situation. What does your boyfriend say other than he is having stress? Does he say what the stressors are? Does he say anything else?

It sounds like this is not a sex problem, it sounds like a relationship problem. Do you talk? I mean, do you both communicate? Do you listen for his answers, or do you jump right in because you are upset? Something is clearly going on with him and your relationship, because it sounds as if he is withdrawing on every level. Have you asked him if he is unhappy or what is happening with him other than the sex part of it?

My advice is to sit down and have some serious conversation about what is going on in your relationship, because it sounds like neither of you are happy right now. Maybe it is something that you can talk through, but if it isn't, you probably want to know that, too. We have a lot of discussion here on the site about this sort of thing: https://www.empowher.com/condition/sexual-well-being. Reading the other discussions will help you as well.

Please keep us posted and if we can help you through this, we're happy to do so.

June 10, 2010 - 7:02am
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