The title of this posting comes from an item in The Washington Post: By Amanda Gardner HealthDay Reporter Friday, October 31, 2008; 12:00 AM ( http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/31/AR200810... ).
The findings in this "new research" study by author Dr. Jan Shifren, an associate professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive biology at Harvard Medical School and director of the Vincent Menopause Program at Massachusetts General Hospital, both in Boston, is NOT new to me.
At the age of 21 in 1975, in Australia, I attended a series of lectures by Dr. Rickard-Bell, a psychologist, MD, gynecologist and surgeon who had unraveled most, if not all, of the many problems in human sexual relationships - his study implied general dysfunctional in approximately 90% of all sexual relationships - but that figure might be even higher. He blamed most of this dysfunction on the male, with smaller blame carried by female physiological variation and incorrect, non-existent or ambivalent sexual education and the attendant non-maturation of the outside-nerve-centre (clitoris).
As a young man I was intrigued by the possibility of learning something that would allow me to be a better lover and possibly "score" more women, intellectual curiosity was not my prime motivation. By the end of the first lecture I was pretty sure I wouldn't gain the knowledge that would satisfy my original intentions. I was told, in no uncertain terms: that women had the potential to climax on hundreds of thousands of "levels" and that men were lucky to reach five. That the cause of female dissatisfaction was mostly the inept handling of them by males. That a complete climax by a female could only occur in a stable, loving relationship, and, that complete sexual satisfaction for a couple was extremely rare. Being told that I had probably been the cause of a great deal of personal problems for every woman I had thought I had pleased was not very uplifting. At this point intellectual curiosity, and to some degree a hope that what I had just been told was wrong, brought me back to complete the course, and, discover a series of revelations that have proven to be correct over the intervening decades.
What did I learn?
I learned that a woman takes a long time to sexually arouse and that without romance a woman is only capable of experiencing either an "outside nerve-centre spasm" or a "deep nerve-centre spasm", and, that to coordinate the two into a "complete climax" only complete romantic-comfort for the female would do. Women are also slow to come down from a stimulation while a man's interest drops immediately after climax - this is dangerous for men especially when they get up straight afterwards to brush their teeth leaving the woman alone with her passions still high. A man had better cuddle and kiss his woman for a long time after he has been satisfied or suffer the slings and arrows of legitimate discontent!
I learned that only men are able to experience a climax using visual stimulus alone - the reason only men really appreciate pornography - with the ancillary and prime natural reason for this being that males, when they "self-stimulate", are meant to do so with imagination so they are prepared for the real thing when it eventually occurs. Imaginative and prolonged masturbation in males is meant for preparation - the cause of male premature ejaculation is quick masturbation which allows the male only one level of "tension" before ejaculation and only one level of satisfaction! Also, a woman will not have a deep-nerve-centre spasm if the male is not as rigid as necessary (hence the use of rigid sex-toys for women). This is also why women like the lights off and men like the lights on.
I learned that most women believe that a deep-nerve-centre spasm, or an outside-nerve-centre spasm, was a climax, and, this problem was a major psychological reason many women were unhappy with their partner-relationship. Something missing.
I learned that both men and women lose a percentage of their ability to love another with every failed sexual relationship, with men losing the least at first but the most near the end of the loss. Women are the opposite. The doctor estimated that around 10% of the ability to love was lost with each incident.
I learned that men must "use it or lose it" when it comes to masturbation and was given a number of sad case histories as proof. One particularly sad case was of a Catholic man who married his secretary only to disappoint her on their wedding night - he had stopped masturbating when he was 14 and even though the natural emergency wet-dream mechanism had worked for a while he had been devout enough to ignore his body's distress; he was effectively now impotent. The good doctor did have a therapy, but unfortunately with this young man too much time had passed for the therapy to work, divorce followed. I also learned that women lose interest in sex when they approach menopause but rebound with greater enthusiasm after menopause - unfortunately, often a husband doesn't masturbate during this time and becomes impotent, so when his wife suddenly regains her interest his has gone (This is a prime reason for middle-aged divorce!).
I learned that one in seven women suffer from an inverted uterus which causes pain with penetration. Most cases do not interfere with reproduction so most gynecologists would not suggest a surgical remedy. It is when anal sex is less painful that that particular sexual practice becomes preferable. I sincerely suggest that any woman who suffers pain during typical sex see her gyno and find out if her uterus is inverted and then insisting that it be surgically corrected! This will also line up her deep-nerve-centre for stimulation and allow the deep-nerve-centre spasms she has always wondered about.
I also learned that females do not automatically learn to self-stimulate their outside-nerve-centres, as pleasure during sex for a woman is not necessary for reproduction, where in the male it is. The maturation of the clitoris, if done by a male later in life, will be incorrect if not done in a very specific way - very few men are aware of this technique. Too much soothing-strokes will mature the woman so that she wants to sleep when stimulated and too much irritation-stroking during the maturation will mature her to cause pain when she is stimulated - the result is no external spasm in both instances. The best person to mature a female is the female herself when she is young, however, there are several ways to correct the mistake later in life - there is no room in this posting for those remedies to be mentioned, just realise that they DO EXIST. Perhaps in another posting I may elucidate.
I hope this has been something of aid to the many women who suffer under the mishandling of them by my gender. I apologise on their behalf because I know if most of them knew what they do they would not do it.
(I was brought to this forum by the article in the Washington Post and I am not American, though my first wife is - we remain close friends and, truth be known, I still love her dearly. We were star-crossed lovers who met on the phone - before the internet - I proposed to her sight unseen after two months of discussing a patent I was trying to cover at the time. A failed green-card application - due to a marijuana conviction when I was eighteen - and my wife's eventual colon cancer kept us physically apart to this day. She is now well after shark-cartilage treatment in New York, Laytril (sic?) treatments in Mexico and meditation classes in Nevada.)
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