My husband and I met and were just friends for the better part of a year. We had a great time together and I love how his mind works so when we both became single we started going out. The first year of our relationship we had way too much fun... we stayed up too late, drank too much, we were up and down, so in love then fighting terribly. We usually had sex more than once a day. I got pregnant. A baby was not what I wanted at that point in my life. I felt like I was done having children and wanted to spend my later adult life having fun and working on myself as a person. My now husband had never had children. I thought long and hard about my options. I could not get rid of a baby that we made in love. My now husband said he was on board with having a family and changing our lives. I wanted to give him a child...he is smart and wonderful and I knew he would be a good father. We had both been very irresponsible financially and had a long road ahead to be prepared for this surprise bundle of joy we had on the way. Instantly our sex life was almost non existent. He would stay up late drinking like we always had and I would lay in bed and cry and feel sorry for myself. I felt like while I was making him a baby he was happy to ditch me for whatever was fun at the moment. I talked to him about how lonely I was and how I was aching to feel like we were in this together. He made it clear that me being pregnant was not a reason for him to change his life. I think he looked at the pregnancy as his last hurrah. I fell into a deep depression and felt like I wasn't going to make it through the pregnancy. Somehow we made it and we now have a lovely three month old baby girl. She is the light of my husbands life. I am only working part time and have the baby even when I am at work. I feel like he is taking resposibility financially, we each go out about three hours a week, and I am usually happy with our home life. I think he is too. We still only have sex mabey once a week. At first I thought it might be the extra 15lbs I walked out of the hospital with...the 15lbs is gone and still no passionate sex! The last time I remember my husband kissing me like he really ment it (embarrassing!!!) he was dreaming. When he woke up and realized it was me he went back to sleep! I don't know what to do. I am so physically lonely. I want to have sex every day I have always had a high sex drive and have never had a lover that wasn't interested in me sexually. How do I talk to him about it? I don't want to hurt him or make him feel bad. Please help.
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You have a 3 month old, and have enough time and energy to have sex EVERY DAY?! I can't believe it...and I am speaking from experience, as I have a 2 month old baby (2nd child).
I am being skeptical, but do you want to have sex every day, or are you wanting your husband to show you affection and some sort of physical intimacy every day (meaningful kiss, playful grab of a body part, etc)?
Either way, you are needing more affection from your husband, and he may not be able to give it right now. He has a new baby, his first, and he is most likely drained--emotionally, physically, psychologically--every way there IS to feel drained. This is perfectly normal, and expected, as babies take up so much of us, but give us so much in return.
Are you still feeling depressed? Have you spoken with your OB/GYN about your feelings?
Why do you feel that your husband needs to prove his love to you physically, at this point in your lives together? Are there other areas on your lives that you feel unloved by him? I can't imagine it would be your post-pregnancy weight, but being a new parent is so overwhelming, and perhaps you can start by asking how he is feeling from being a parent, working full-time (I assume?), still trying to meet other obligations, etc. He may be too exhausted to even think about being physically intimate at this time!
May 27, 2010 - 7:57pmThis Comment
I agree that a first baby is overwhelming... she is my third...I forget that sometimes. He is having some trouble with the "weight" of having us rely on him financially. Thank you...we should talk about that again!
May 28, 2010 - 5:05pmMy hubby is wonderful about physical affection. We hold hands and watch tv, we do still grab playfully and have lots of fun together. I don't think it is even that i want him to "prove" his love. I just want to have sex with him instead of by myself. It gets lonely and I start to feel like he just does not want me anymore. I have started thinking mabey there is something wrong with me? Mabey it doesn't feel the same for him after the baby? Would he tell me? Mabey I have the problem and want sex too much?
I am still having some depression trouble but I spoke with my OB about meds and she advised against it. She didn't have high hopes for it to help and I'm nursing.
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