I went to a fun bridal shower today but unfortunately cannot make the bachelorette party tonight due to other commitments.
It's going to be a fun time, with a dinner at a nice restaurant and an evening spent line-dancing at a country bar. I'm not into country music and can't line dance to save my life, which is probably what would make it fun! Those line dancers are really into their thing, so seeing a bunch of women screwing up every dance move might make for some fun amusement!
Coincidentally, I also just read an article about what really goes on at many bachelor and bachelorette parties and it's anything from a fun night with girlfriends for the bride I saw today, or something a lot, well, different.
In a recent Cosmo article called Confessions of a Bachelor Party Stripper, the stripper said that about 30% of the grooms are willing to engage in sexual activity with the stripper (s), and about 70% are unwilling. It also seems like the best man and other groomsmen are the instigators - trying to get the guy to have sex as his last "hurrah" before settling down to a life of (supposed) fidelity. One third of them are willing to engage in sex? That seems extraordinarily high. But a professional dancer would know more than me.
Of course, any man who is willing to have sex with a stripper for money, weeks before his wedding may not exactly plan on lifetime of monogamy with his wife.
Even without sex, the average stripper show at a bachelor party involves a lot of sexual activity, usually between two female strippers, with the men watching and cheering them on.
The groom usually gets a lap dance by a topless or naked dancer and he is usually shirtless. Most men at these parties do not consider this to be of a real sexual nature. The other men are then invited to get a topless lap dance and many accept, whether they are married or single.
Bachelorette parties are not always innocent affairs either. While many are simply a bunch of girlfriends like my friend, celebrating a fun night out with some good food and wine, and very dubious attempts at dancing, others employ male strippers who strip completely and some kinds of sexual activity occasionally takes place.
And not all guys go for sex. Many guys go to a sports bar or a ball game and enjoy an all-guy barbecue afterward, throwing back some beers and reminiscence about the good all single days that most are secretly pretty happy to say goodbye to!
Often times, news of these parties gets back to the other almost-wed and can cause havoc. Feelings of betrayal and disappointment occur and at it's worst, it's not unknown for a wedding to be canceled, especially when rumors abound and pictures surface on social networking sites or on email.
But this isn't always the case. Sometimes, both parties accept that "what happens at the party, stays at the party" and indulge in whatever activities they choose. It's considered a right of passage - a last opportunity to engage in activity that will then be rebuked and ended on the day of the wedding.
Tell Us
Did one of these parties negatively affect you or someone you know? Or do you agree with the premise that although they may be wild and of a sexual nature - it's a right of passage that every soon-to-be-married should enjoy without fear of getting into trouble?
Would you be ok with your partner engaging in one of these kinds of parties?
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Add a Comment28 Comments
Im really sorry to hear that. Personally, getting am "innocent" lap dance is part of the whole "experience" or whatever, I think. And theres nothing wrong with that (same goes for a girl at a her bachelorette party). However unfortunately what happened btw your guy and that stripper is inexcuseable. Thats definately crossing the
Bachelor parties may be in honor of the bachelor....but really the vast majority of the entertainment is really directed towards the freinds in attendance i think.
September 13, 2010 - 8:21pmThis Comment
I disagree about the "innocent" lap dance being a part of the whole experience. Experience of what? Knowing what its like to be a bad bf/gf? Its fine if both the future bride and grooms are okay with it, but if a guy cant even handle a waiter flirting with his wife, or if a woman cant handle another female eyeballing her boyfriend, then what makes it okay for either to get sexually fondled by a stranger? Just because its a bachelor/bachelorette party?? Wtf, who made it a norm to let your inner perv/slut come out right before you get married? Thats what the honeymoon is for! Get freaky with your significant other, not a stranger...
Most would feel uncomfortable seeing their friend/collegeu/basically anyone sit on their significant other's lap, but a half naked stranger in the adult business?? Have at it, its all fun and games right?? Why not grind on em too! No. If it's all fun and games then why cant the future husband watch his bride get her lap dance? And why cant the future bride watch her man get his? Because it is highly disrespectful and not right for one to participate in this sort of act while in a committed relationship. Thank you strippers and others who support this "norm". Im sure thoughts and mental images of potential occurances at bachelor/bachelorette parties never haunt couples everyday.
-Benny
September 23, 2010 - 7:42pmThis Comment
I am so sorry that happened to you... That is inexcusable. I'm a man, and it really disgusts me when men do things like that. I have plenty of friends who have girlfriends/wives, and many of them do terrible things behind their wives back. Not only that, but I get criticized for not being "manly" enough to cheat on my girlfriend- they say that's being a coward.
And that's what's messed up in the "man mentality." A relationship is supposed to be founded on honesty and equality. Many men are completely blind to this, or simply don't care. I hope no one takes this offensively, but the fact is, even when women do find out about something terrible their man has done, they usually will listen to his excuses and forgive him. The man, no matter what he says, gets an ego boost from this, and thinks he gains more power over her. I've seen some of my friends get dumped countless times, promise to change, get back together with their girl, and continue to treat them like shit.
I really feel sorry for women in general because women think the person they love is truly in love with them, when in reality, so many times the man always has his agenda first. Selfishness, arrogance, perversion- all in the name of "being manly."
I'm not saying men are the ultimate evil, I mean, I am a man. But I am not like THOSE men. And honestly, it's hard sometimes. But I would never be like those men...
It's hard... because every time I hear stories of people treating their girls badly, I get so angry, and I just wish the girl would stand up for herself and say "Piss off." Yes I know it happens sometimes, yes I know sometimes it's reversed, the girl may be crazy and the guy's normal, but I'm speaking from sheer experience, and from that, I always always see men treating their girls like dirt. And the girls always come crawling back.
It makes me upset. Because I think inside like, everyone should be treated equal, everyone should be treated with respect... and yet these men do the exact opposite... and the women put up with it. It really is maddening. Is this just the nature of men and women? I hope not, and I don't want it to be... But the things I observe seem to tell me it just might be...
July 21, 2010 - 10:52amThis Comment
Ladies
See this post? THIS is the type of guy that comes around when you are in bad times with your boy and he says ""come on, put your head on my shoulder and tell me all about it".....THIS dude is a SNAKE!!! ANY time a guy tells you how "disgusting' this and that is YOU CAN BET YOUR ASS he is a hundred times worse.
Remember Eddie Haskell?? Meet a real life EH!! Pal, you are a putz.
October 2, 2010 - 6:34amThis Comment
Really? REALLY?? A guy can't stand up for what's right without being labeled a fake???
So as a guy, I'm supposed to say, "Screw ya'll bitches, Ima get me some" and be a stereo typical JERL??
I'm a "putz"? You're an embarassment to all people trying to overcome bullshit stereotypes.
You don't know me, how I act, what I do with my personal life. But I'll tell you to prove a point: I've ALWAYS treated women with respect- I've never cheated on anyone- and I respect my girlfriend's opinions and value them.
I'm not looking down at anyone or saying I'm a Saint or holier than thou, I'm saying the truth. I go through my life being called a "faggot" or a "douchebag" for standing up for women. The truth is, I stand up for anyone who's being mistreated. If a good man's in a relationship with a bitch, you best believe I'm on his side. I don't have to be mysogynistic in order to "not" be a feminist. I'm just a guy saying what I believe in.
So in your brainwashed little head, you think I live my life this way in order to somehow gain respect from women so I can get them to trust me then seduce them?
You're either someone who's been cheated on so many times that you've decided to brand all men, even those who are respectful, as pure evil. Either that or you're a douche bag man angry at the fact that not all guys are cheating, conniving jerks. You're mad because guys like me make YOUR job harder. It's harder to control and manipulate a woman when she starts to realize there's BETTER out there.
Either way, whichever one you are, you're pathetic, and honestly, you're speaking out of turn. But you're a good example to have around. Women can look at you and think, "Damn, may I never become that bitter..." and if you're a guy, men can look at you and think, "Wow, why the hell would he talk down to someone who's standing up for what's right? May I never become that douche bag."
In your sick little head, you thought I commented on an article, and pretended to care, so I could do what? What POINT would that serve?? Maybe you don't care about other humans, male or female, being mistreated and disrespected by their spouses- GOOD FOR YOU- but don't you DARE talk down to me for giving a shit!!!
You're the kind of person that makes people keep their mouth shut out of fear of criticism, when really, your criticism is nothing. You're bashing me for caring about someone else's troubles.
And yeah, I HAVE seen some guys play the whole "nice guy" role in order to take advantage of girls. Their the same jerks that disrespect women in the first place! A disrespectful human being is a disrespectful human being, period! Never in my life have I done that, and I don't care what you think!
What pisses me off the most is you came to this insane conclusion about me due to a comment on the INTERNET. The INTERNET!!!! Like I'm trying to console people on the internet so i can magically track them down and date them?!?!?
"Oh hey, I left a comment on your article 6 months ago, would you like to get a cup of coffee?"
Male or female, man or woman, I'm SICK of bitter, judgmental, pessimistic types such as yourself.
Congratulations on your foolishness. Let that feeling of shame and embarassment swell in your stomach for a few minutes, try to learn something from it. The mature people in this world would really appreciate it.
October 2, 2010 - 10:04am(Edited by moderator for language and some content.)
This Comment
Wow, Anonymous.
I understand you are upset, but I have edited your post for language and I hope you can understand why. Suggesting suicide and throwing F bombs around is not appropriate for the site, no matter how passionate you feel about your position. Thank you for contributing, and as I said, I understand the anger but we try to keep things as civil as possible.
October 2, 2010 - 2:20pmThis Comment
me n my fiance are getting married in 5 weeks and we decided to get our friends together and do ours together because he thinks like i do there is a reason we are getting married and its because we are ready to be committed to each other and only be with one another for ever! And i think if he was to have a bachelor party everyone at his would probably try and talk him into doing something he wouldnt want to do and i would be pissed if he had his party and would have sex with a STRIPPER!! that would be the lowest of the low and the wedding would be off! good thing i got a good man that doesnt even want to go out with friends and he wants to be with his bride and we can get wild together ;-))
March 19, 2010 - 9:23pmThis Comment
I think it is a great thing that there are Bachelor and Bachelorette parties just to have the last big night with your friends as a single individual. I had one myself, with a male stripper, which was entertaining but completely safe.
If my soon-to-be husband had sex prior to our wedding, I would not marry him. Entertainment is ok, but when it turns into more, than that is an issue. I guess to each his own.
June 28, 2009 - 10:23amThis Comment