Empower ALL aspects of your relationship! From the language of love, to re-kindling the romance, to how medications may affect your fun in the bedroom, our “sexperts” answer your questions.
Kristy Villa:
Well you know it’s time that again – time to interact with you, our viewers, and answer your questions. Today, our s-experts are back with some fun information for you from what to do when your sex drive is different than your partner’s to understanding the so-called cougar fascination – rarrr.
As we continue our 12-week series designed to have you empower your love life we have back with us once again Mary Wallace Jaensch and Rachel Braun Scherl from Semprae Laboratories. Welcome back!
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Good morning. It’s good to see you.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Hi, how are you?
Kristy Villa:
I am so glad you are here. You know I have fun with you all. Now before we start talking about these questions that I got from our viewers we want to caution you at home that we are going to keep this PG, very Disney if you will, but if you are with your kids you might think that some of this is a little bit too mature for them so just a heads up.
So, got great questions again for you to answer, so let’s get to it.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Sounds good.
Kristy Villa:
Numero Uno – number one:
Question:
I am in love with my wife of 25 years. It’s not like I want to have sex with anybody else, but after 25 years our sex life has gone on a vacation. I mean, what can I do?
Kristy Villa:
Alright, I have heard that before from people that I know that have been together more than 20 years.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
It’s extremely common and sometimes it’s due to really just some physical changes and it could affect both of you, which has a big impact on how satisfying the sex is. So what we recommend is if you think you have a physical problem you should talk to your healthcare professional or your doctor and talk about it with each other because it might really be a combination, and it’s okay. Relationships, especially sexual relationships go through peaks and valleys and that happens.
Kristy Villa:
And Mary, could it also be like the same old song.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Well that’s true and probably for the last 25 years you have been focused on other things – children, jobs, building your families, I mean it’s just there’s a lot of other things that were higher on the list. So, what happens is you kind of end up back together again and you are like, ‘wait a minute’, and it’s worth a little bit of time investment and talking.
Kristy Villa:
And be creative.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Exactly.
Kristy Villa:
Try new thing, right?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Sure.
Kristy Villa:
Excellent! Alright, question number two, let’s go.
Question:
I have a question. My husband and I just don’t have the same love language. How can we improve that and make it better?
Kristy Villa:
Ooh, that’s an interesting one – love language. What do you think?
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Well I think what’s really interesting is unfortunately the movies and even porn have given us an incorrect impression of how people talk to each other about love and romance and sex, and it is a much more personal choice and for a lot of women they don’t have language because we don’t talk about it with our friends and we don’t talk about it with doctors or advisors, but what we encourage women to do is simply sit back and think about, what makes you feel good? What makes you . . . think about some of the best experiences that you’ve had.
Kristy Villa:
What makes you tick?
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Exactly, and what felt great because I think often women are too hung up on the mechanics, even men sometimes are too hung up on the mechanics as opposed to how they are feeling because sometimes the simplest mechanics actually result in the best feelings. And so focus on the feelings, make sure that you are aware of yourself of what makes you feel better.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
One of the things that we see over and over again is when we say to women, remember to when you had a great experience, and they get this light in their eyes.
Kristy Villa:
Oh I am already thinking. The movie is going.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Whether it’s the first date or their first few months of their married life, whatever the case maybe, she has an image and she just needs to figure out how to articulate that.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
And make sure it’s yours and not Hollywood’s.
Kristy Villa:
Good point, not even real, let’s be honest. Alright, question number three.
Question:
I started taking the anti-depressant about 6 or 7 months ago. I feel way better mentally, but the sex drive has completely fallen off the cliff. Is there a connection there?
Kristy Villa:
Alright, I know this connection. Side effects no doubt, right?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Absolutely, 100% and unfortunately not everybody’s healthcare practitioner or physician tells them this, but it is a studied clinically proven side effect that for many people taking anti-depressants one of the first things to go, if you will, is their libido. So you might want to be working on the level of medication that you are taking again, in connection with your healthcare professional, and there are all sorts of things that you can do. There are plenty of options.
For men, we hear about them, all day long on TV ads and for women you could try Zestra, which is a patented blend of botanical oils and extracts that’s natural. It is topically applied to the woman and it improves her arousal, desire and satisfaction and doesn’t have any interaction with the anti-depressant.
Kristy Villa:
Which is great because there’s no contraindication in the sense of combining it with a medication.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Absolutely.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Right, and it only seems reasonable that if you are feeling better you should be able to enjoy that fully as opposed to having that whole piece of your life be non-existent.
Kristy Villa:
And the same thing can happen to oral contraceptives as well.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Absolutely.
Kristy Villa:
All right, question number four.
Question:
I am an older woman or as everyone seems to call these days, a ‘cougar’ and I am dating a younger man; he is about ten years younger than myself. My friends, my family don’t seem to understand what our connection is. I was wondering if your experts can help me explain to them why this relationship works for us.
Kristy Villa:
Alright, the ‘cougar’ question.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
That’s a great question and first of all, congratulations.
Kristy Villa:
Absolutely. You’re doing good darling.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
And because unfortunately, the focus often is on somehow that an older woman is predatory and it’s implicit in the language, but what’s really interesting is she is attractive enough and confident enough and she looks great to be attractive to a younger man.
Kristy Villa:
And she is taking better care of herself, isn’t she?
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Absolutely. She wouldn’t be attractive to them if in fact she wasn’t and I would focus on that and perhaps that’s really what her friends and her family are concerned about is that, “Wow, how is she looking so great and how is she so confident and how does she feel so good about herself?”
Kristy Villa:
They’re just jealous.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Exactly.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
And one of the things we hear over and over again from women over 40 is at some point I am going to have to say this is what’s good for me and push everybody else’s judgments aside.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
It’s my turn.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Absolutely.
Kristy Villa:
Love it. Thank you so much ladies. This is a lot of fun. We will see you next time again. Alright, and if you want more information on Zestra go to zestra.com and to send us your sex, love or romance question just go to thebalancingact.com.
Today’s show is brought to you in part by Zestra – a natural blend of botanical oils and extracts, clinically proven to enhance a woman’s desire, arousal and satisfaction. Experience the ‘Zestra rush’ for yourselves.
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