Is Happiness Oversold to Cancer Patients?

Hi Diane and Annette - I'm glad we're having this dialogue, as I think it's really important. The "Secret" movement Annette referred to has indeed caused a lot of misunderstandings as well as needless and unfair guilt for many people, including a lot of healthy people dealing with difficult circumstances like job loss.

One point I wanted to make is I think it's important to recognize when you're around influences that can be harmful to your recovery, and to choose to stay away from them. I applaud Annette for recognizing that she was disturbed by what she read and speaking out about it. In my own case I was very disturbed by the negative environment in the initial oncology practice that treated me, and even though it was disruptive I found another practice with a stronger focus on healing and wellness. It's made an incredible difference to now have a team that's working for my best interests and has a positive attitude.

Survival is tough enough to begin with, and I definitely appreciate the opportunity to have these discussions and explore ways we can help each other succeed.
Thank you both,
Pat

Hi, Diane. On this one, I agree with everything you and Pat shared with us. In retrospect, I believe Ehrenreich's intention was to call a time out on the notion that you can totally change your life circumstances by changing your attitude. There has been a movement, catapulted by The Secret, to put all your trust in your ability to manifest your own life situation. It lays the responsibility totally (and unfairly) on the individual; i.e. if you die of a disease, you obviously didn't do it right. That is a dangerous and distructive notion to give people with catastrophic illness. Like Pat, I had been interested in Ehrenreich's work and tuned in to hear her share insights on survival, only to be disappointed at her slant on the subject. But she is authentic, straight-talking, and very opinionated about her beliefs. And, it was she who started this very stimulating discussion.

Annette and Pat,

This is such a fascinating topic. I am not familiar with Ehrenreich's work, though this makes me want to seek it out and read some of it. I am always interested in the people who look between the cracks of society and investigate the contrarian views. Even when I disagree, I always learn something.

Annette, I wonder if the key is exactly what you said: You choose to live your life in this way. Perhaps Ehrenreich didn't feel that the choice was hers; that there were too many platitudes pushed at her in a time when she was really struggling. I know that when I suffered through a pretty major depression, platitudes did nothing for me. Positive thinking didn't even help me get out and walk the dog. And yet depression is still seen as something you can just "get over." The "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality is still present with depression; I am sure it is even magnified with cancer.

I am in awe at people who are fighting any life-threatening disease who actually CAN take each day at a time. I think they (you) are heroes for learning to do it and then teaching others how. If I were to get cancer, I don't know that I would find that same ability in myself.

And in thinking about it, I would find comfort in both views. I would want to define my own life and live it in a joyful way; but when I was down, I would take comfort in someone who says to me, simply, "yes, this really sucks, doesn't it?"

Hi Annette- While I haven't read the book you mentioned, I have read Barbara Ehrenreich's work for many years in the New York Times, and have several of her books on economics and employment. She's someone who often tackles topics that others won't talk about, and I think that's what she's done here.

The image of cancer as portrayed by Hollywood usually bears little resemblance to real life. There's also a strong societal reluctance to have honest discussions of both the ups and downs of living with cancer, something I've personally seen harm both caregivers and patients. While I believe strongly in approaching cancer with a positive attitude and would not advocate a negative approach to the disease, I do get really tired of the "happy pill" attitude and the harm it causes. The transition process a person with cancer goes through - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - are well documented, are natural and are normal. I've found that supporting those going through this process, and enabling them to express their emotions and feelings honestly and openly, is of far greater help than demanding they demonstrate a false demeanor to please others and meet societal expectations.
We all process things differently, and there's got to be some kind of middle ground that would be in the best interests of those of us who are living with cancer. Thanks so much for bringing up this thought-provoking topic.
Take good care,
Pat