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Am I asking for "sex" too much?

By October 22, 2010 - 6:49am
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My boyfriend and I have been together for around 8 months. I've tried to find other articles to answer my problem, but nothing fits my situation. We are in a very long distance relationship and we both hate it but we both feel that we are worth waiting for. Because we are long distance we have cyber sex (with cam) and phone sex to satisfy ourselves because neither of us want the other seeing someone else. For the first 5 months of our relationship we had "sex" every day and sometimes up to six times. In the past few months we've gone to just once a day to once every other day and now to once a week. I have a high sex drive and I want him constantly. I feel deprived and I've tried talking to him about it, but he just says he doesn't want our relationship to be solely about sex. He thinks that I don't value our time together because he wants to talk more so I spend time with him and we talk for hours, but when I try to initiate "sex" he rejects me. The rejection hurts more than anything. He tells me that I'm beautiful and that he is very sexually attracted to me, but he keeps telling me no. He says he's not in the mood or doesn't want to, but then he tells me that he already masturbated once during the day and that makes me feel like I'm not doing something right. I feel unattractive and unwanted, and I'm just not sure what to do any more. I've tried dressing up in lingerie and trying different things but it doesnt work. He says that it'll be different when he can touch me, and that hurts me more than anything. He can't touch me now and there is nothing I can do physically that can turn him on. I feel helpless.

Last night he knew there was something bothering me and I told him I was sad because are rarely sexual any more and that I feel like I have to beg for it and it makes me feel unsexy. He got angry and said that he couldn't believe that we were having this argument. He says he feels like I'm pressuring him, and I feel terrible about it, but I have needs to! Now I feel like I'm a sex maniac or something. Help?

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HERWriter Guide

Hi bambieyes

Thanks for your question and welcome!

No, you are not a sex maniac so please don't worry about that.

However, I am wondering if all the virtual sex has just turned him off things. I know I couldn't do that on a general basis. Virtual and real sex are two completely different animals. Maybe he finds it unfulfilling? If so, I think that's very natural.

Regarding masturbation - that's also very normal and has nothing to do with a person's sex life or partner. People with very busy sex lives can still masturbate daily.

A virtual relationship is a lot different to a real one (like the sex). When you say you are long distance, how long? Is there a plan to end it?

And importantly, have you actually met in real life? If so, how much real time have you spent together?

Please fill us in on the "relationship" aspect and then we can work better on the sexual side of things. I hope to hear back from you soon and remember, all relationships can work if both parties want them to!

October 22, 2010 - 12:09pm
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