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ask: Boyfriend masturbates even though haveing a willing girlfriend

By scarlet24
 
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I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE ANY HELP. HERE IS MY STORY... I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS. IN THE BEGINNING OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS A BLAST HE ALWAYS GAVE SO MUCH OF HIMSELF AND ALWAYS PUT MY NEEDS FIRST. WHEN IT CAME TO THE SEXUAL SIDE OF THINGS, WELL BECAUSE OF THEY WAY I WAS RAISED AND ALSO MY PERSONAL BELIEVES WE NEVER WENT FURTHER THAN PLEASING EACH OTHER MANUALY, BUT IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT INTERCOURSE DID HAPPEN A FEW TIMES.
WE MOVED AWAY FROM HOME ABOUT A YEAR AGO TO BASICALLY START OVER IN OUR JOBS EXCTR...

EVER SINCE THEN THINGS CHANGED DRAMATICALLY.WE STILL DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS HERE AND MY BOYFRIEND IS EXPERIENCING MAJOR WORK STRESS. AS A RESULT OUR "PHYSICAL" RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN NON EXCISTING, FROM HIS SIDE THAT IS.
I AM NOW AT A POINT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THING FURTHER AS I LOVE HIM AND WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A FILLING SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.
I KNOWS THAT BUT STILL SHOWS VERY LITTLE INTRESS IN ME. OF COURSE THIS HURTS MY FEELINGS SO MUCH AS I THOUGHT THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED.
I RECENTLY DESCOVERD THROUGH SELF CONFESSION FROM HIS SIDE AFTER CONFRONTATION FROM ME. THAT HE REGULARY WATCH PORN AND MASTURBATE.
WORDS CAN'T DESCRIBE MY FEELING OF DISCUSS AND HURT!
AND ALL ALONG I BLAMED IT ON HIS WORK STRESS OR ON MYSELF. I FEEL CHEATED AND BETRAYED AND FEEL LIKE I WILL NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HIS REACTION. IS THIS NORMAL? AM I OVER REACTING? PLEASE ADVISE AND NO THERE IS NO ONE ELSE OF THAT I AM SURE.

Add a Comment87 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am so glad to have found this site. I am in a new relationship of nine months with my boyfriend who used to be a total playa and was not above using sex to get women to pay for things for him. We started having sexual problems right in the beginning of our relationship. At first I overlooked his rejecting my sexual advances and the fact that his penis wouldn't get hard or would go limp during sex because of the fact that he has Crohn's disease. I did grumble a lot about the lack of sex and he did try his best to satisfy me in bed when he could get it up for me. However, he never initiated sex and had countless excuses for why he didn't want to f**k me. I spent many a nights crying myself to sleep after masturbating to porn. It was frustrating. We had a lot of fights over the issue because it began to make me feel insecure and think that he might have been cheating on me with one of his ex's who constantly texted and phoned him for sex. I felt unattractive and undesired by him and mentioned it to him. He blamed his Crohn's disease, the fact that he was embarrassed that his parents lived right below his room in the basement and could hear us having sex, and that he had lost his libido a while back after having been caught by two of his female friends (one of whom is the ex girlfriend still begging him for sex) and having realized how he had hurt them. Here's the kicker! I went through his iPod one night and accidentally stumbled upon porn videos he had watched. It shocked me that my boyfriend was wanking off to porn while he claimed he had no sexual desire left anymore. It hurt that he would rather watch porn to pleasure himself rather than to have sex with me when I was perfectly willing and actually dying to have sex with him. I brought it up to him and he made excuses that he had only watched porn on days when I was having my periods. He assured me that I was attractive to him or he wouldn't have gotten into a relationship with me. However, it was little consolation to know that my boyfriend knowingly ignored my sexual needs. He did start getting better at having sex with me once he went on steroids for his Crohn's and it has gotten waaay better since both of us have moved out of his parent's home. He did admit to me, however, that in past he used to images of boobs, ass, and pussy while having sex with his girlfriends and other women. He claimed that his last girlfriend and I were the only two women he did not feel the need to visualize female body parts with. Then again, he also told me that he no longer needed to watch porn because he realized that I was giving him oral sex on the days I was on my periods anyways. He didn't realize that I had seen porn videos on his iPod which he thought he had deleted a few days before and had said nothing about at that time. When I did tell him what I had seen on his iPod he got offensive and had the nerve to replay back with, "So What?" Even today he continues to watch porn whenever I am not around him. He has gotten smart about deleting history on my laptop which he uses and has even gotten super smart about deleting the history on his iPod recently after having been caught so many times by me however he doesn't realize I still find out when he watches porn because I am smart with computers and have my own ways. Honestly, I do not have an issue with porn per se. My problem is when my boyfriend uses porn to replace me. It is offensive, hurtful, and just plain cruel of him to neglect my sexual needs by expending his sexual energy on releasing his load to images of fantasy women on camera. I have suggested to him that we watch porn together to spice up our sex life but he is embarrassed by it and has not acted on that request. He has though started initiating sex more recently and he does not reject my sexual advances as much as he used to in the past after we had countless arguments over the issue where I shared my feelings with him about our sex life or lack thereof. No he is not a selfish lover in bed. He does go down on me and he makes sure that I orgasm each time we make love. Problem is that I feel our sex life suffers each time he watches porn because recently he has again started to lose his erections and this coincides with him watching porn more frequently again. As for those smart alecky people who might comment once I submit this comment: #1) No he is not cheating on me. I'm sure of this because we are together 90% of the time and because I'm very good at snooping on him and he has checked out perfectly so far. #2) Yes, it could be that our relationship is problematic and filled with frequent arguments. Well, we wouldn't have so many arguments if my boyfriend made me feel secure in our relationship by making me feel desired and wanted. #3) No, I am not ugly. Yes, I am overweight but he knew that before he made me his girlfriend. He himself has been noticing that I've only been getting skinnier we started dating. I'm very attractive overall and have no problems attracting other handsome men. In fact, all of my past lovers would love to get with me again if I gave them a chance. Plus, my boyfriend has dated girls way bigger than me in the past and a lot of the porn I catch on the iPod involves Latina and BBW's. And another thing: At least five of his friends have directly and indirectly expressed their interest in getting with me or have given me appreciative glances. #4) No, I am not sexually boring and thereby driving my poor unsatisfied boyfriend to the world of porn, LOL! I'm a very sexually charged, creative, and willing to experiment woman. I love giving him blow-jobs and I'm even willing to experiment with anal sex. I don't mind having sex in public places and I love talking dirty in bed if he'd only let me. He gets embarrassed and shh's me even when I moan because he doesn't want our roommates to hear us. He did not even f**k me when I had given him head during one of our daytime drives in scenic mountains. It was his first time getting head while driving and he was clearly enjoying it, yet at the same time he was very conscious of what was going on and was embarrassed and worried that someone would realize what was going on in the car. So much for a boring girlfriend, huh? The saddest part of it is that despite all of this I love him and I'm totally faithful to him. I did have many opportunities to have sex with other guys, but each time I kept seeing images of him on top of me in bed making love to me. To his credit he is physically and emotionally very affectionate towards me. He loves holding my hands and playfully touching me in public and he gives the best cuddles in the world. Only if he'd stop watching porn and take time to see the sexy in me :-(! I want to be his fantasy woman, I want to be his one and only sexy gal. I want to scream at him, "Baby just look at me, I'm wet and wild and ready to be had!" It's so sad that he doesn't appreciate what he has. So many men complain about their women not giving them enough sex and here I am a girlfriend of a man who doesn't appreciate and know how to use what he has been blessed with. Sigh!

February 4, 2012 - 5:54pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,
I am not sure what your question is but you can use www.freetranslation.com to change your question into English.

Thank you,
Missie

August 21, 2011 - 9:18am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

As a man my theory of why this is happening these days has to do with a few things: one, the internet is a vast candy store with a limitless supply of beautiful women from around the globe. you don't even have to go to a paid porn site to get plenty of satisfaction, depending on your interests. Why settle for a typical mediocre woman? Second, unfortunately, women's gains in sexual freedom and domination have been men's losses. traditionally men like to feel they're in charge sexually. in many cases this is no longer the case as women often lack modesty these days and are too eager. Men like to hunt. its not as much fun when you're catch doesn't even feign trying to escape. Third, this "problem" is largely affecting "omega" type men who feel socially ostracized and emasculated by our current society. Alpha type men still see women beneath them (as prey) and thus are still in control sexually. Beta men by nature comply sexually by obligation but are the ones who suck in bed. Lastly, with our increasingly hedonistic society, there are an increasing number of "autosexuals" who would rather focus on their own sexual needs ONLY. It may not seem like it at first glance but they are doing "intercoursers" a favor by staying out of the picture.

June 10, 2011 - 8:54pm
blakerbob (reply to Anonymous)

"Why settle for a typical mediocre woman? "

OH my goodness. Here's this guy. Mediocre women are all that are left, once you turn off the spot lights, hello? The women in a porn clip are dolled up by professionals! There is tons of money in the budget to get whatever surgery they want/need. Breast implants at HUGE sizes, hair extensions, waxing, procedures that will shorten hanging unattractive vaginal flesh, and now you too can bleach your butthole. This is why women outside of porn will seem "mediocre" to a man that frequents porn sites. duh. Everything has changed because of women trying SO hard to please men and get attention

August 22, 2012 - 1:18pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

hola tengo 22 años y mi novio no quiere tener relaciones sexuales conmigo y se vive masturbando frente a la compu o en el baño o cuando yo estoy durmiendo y solo tenemos relaciones sexuales dos veces por semana.
nacesito que me ayuden ¿que puedo hacer?. no se si separarme estoy haciendo hasta lo ultimo para recuperar lo nuestro.

June 27, 2011 - 8:10pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

wow... almost the same thing happened to me last night.. i finally got my two year boyfriend to confess that he does masturbate after all the times he told me he was different and didnt... i feel soo hurt.. i thought he was different... never believed i would be lied on for two years straight.. what sucks is that he loves having sex with me and everything but his friends influenced him into the porn thing ever since he was 12... i dont know what to do now.. i feel soo betrayed.. =`(

July 19, 2010 - 4:36am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

ladies all i can say is buy some dick magazines and masturbate to it and see how your partner likes it. trust me they dont. it is bullshit that this is so socially acceptable and women think its ok. porn is for single guys who cant get any. why would you need porn when your in a relationship?? think about it, they are imagining fucking these women while they masturbate. is this ok to you???

July 4, 2010 - 5:22pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Finally! Someone else thinks the same as me! I always thought that society has gone down a wrong path because I dont see the point in taken men masturbating... They have girlfriends for that! Seriously... How can you be ok with your man fanatizing about another women? Its almost as bad as cheating.. Its very similiar. I love how you understand too... Whatever happened to being happy and satisfied with what you have available?.. *sigh*

July 19, 2010 - 4:41am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Warning... (a little explicit)

I am a woman, who has a very healthy sexual appetite (would love to have sex at least once a day). I watch porn with my boyfriend, I give many blowjobs & handjobs, I spice things up.

I am 21, he is 42. I do everything he wants me to, even anal when I am not a big fan of it. I dress up for him & I am always clean & ready to go. I never say no & am always wanting to do something to please him. I please him without even requesting reciprocation. I also can't stand that he masturbates to porn. I would much rather pleasure him, then have him on the computer stroking off.

Late last night I gave him a blow job, he came, I swallowed, he fell asleep. (As usual, I know this happens... I don't expect different.) But, this morning he wakes up & looks at porn right away & masturbates. I have told him before I would rather suck or stroke him off, then for him to do this. But he still does it.

He has admitted to having an addiction to porn. He'll do it again, I'll feel hurt (I'm very emotional, always have been.) I'll cry. He'll apologize & won't do it for a while. He'll be good & then he'll start doing it again, like he forgot we had the conversation.

80% if not more of our sex life revolves around him & his needs. I don't mind pleasing him. I actually enjoy doing everything for him, but when he won't take the time to please me, & instead pleases himself when he has a ready & willing partner, I feel hurt.

So for those who say, that she needs to "spice it up" that's not always the case. Being 22 years younger then him, with a box full of toys, rope, handcuffs, lube, who is always willing & ready whenever he needs me, I know that we don't need anymore spice. I swallow, I do anal, I am bisexual, I am experimental & adventurous.

I can't really answer the above question, but I can say that your not alone. I myself am trying to figure things out. I love this man with all of my heart & I never want to see my life without him in it. But something has to change a little bit because I can't stand feeling this way.

June 15, 2010 - 6:52am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

YOU WOMEN THINK YOU HAVE ALL THE ANWSERS ABOUT MEN'S SEX LIFE. SORRY YOU ARE WOMAN AND TRY TO CONTROL SEX AND EVERYTHING ELSE TO GET YOUR WAY. YOU HAVE A DOUBLE DOSE OF X CHROMOSOME WHICH IS WHY ALL CULTURES SINCE MAN WAS CREATED HAD CONTROL OF THERE WOMEN! SORRY BUT THAT IS THE FULL TRUTH EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT! YOU ARE SO WRONG IN YOUR BELIEF! TODAY'S PROBLEMS WILL SURELY CHANGE YOUR BELIEF ONCE WE THIS ECONOMY PROBLEM LEADS TO MAJOR WAR! YOU HEARD IT HERE NOT FOR THE FIRST TIME BUT THOUGHOUT MAN KIND! WOMEN GET A CLUE AND SUPPORT YOUR MEN WITHOUT TRYING TO CONTROL!

April 17, 2010 - 2:17pm
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