ask: Boyfriend masturbates even though haveing a willing girlfriend
I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE ANY HELP. HERE IS MY STORY... I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS. IN THE BEGINNING OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS A BLAST HE ALWAYS GAVE SO MUCH OF HIMSELF AND ALWAYS PUT MY NEEDS FIRST. WHEN IT CAME TO THE SEXUAL SIDE OF THINGS, WELL BECAUSE OF THEY WAY I WAS RAISED AND ALSO MY PERSONAL BELIEVES WE NEVER WENT FURTHER THAN PLEASING EACH OTHER MANUALY, BUT IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT INTERCOURSE DID HAPPEN A FEW TIMES.
EVER SINCE THEN THINGS CHANGED DRAMATICALLY.WE STILL DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS HERE AND MY BOYFRIEND IS EXPERIENCING MAJOR WORK STRESS. AS A RESULT OUR "PHYSICAL" RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN NON EXCISTING, FROM HIS SIDE THAT IS.
I AM NOW AT A POINT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THING FURTHER AS I LOVE HIM AND WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A FILLING SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.
I KNOWS THAT BUT STILL SHOWS VERY LITTLE INTRESS IN ME. OF COURSE THIS HURTS MY FEELINGS SO MUCH AS I THOUGHT THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED.
I RECENTLY DESCOVERD THROUGH SELF CONFESSION FROM HIS SIDE AFTER CONFRONTATION FROM ME. THAT HE REGULARY WATCH PORN AND MASTURBATE.
WORDS CAN'T DESCRIBE MY FEELING OF DISCUSS AND HURT!
AND ALL ALONG I BLAMED IT ON HIS WORK STRESS OR ON MYSELF. I FEEL CHEATED AND BETRAYED AND FEEL LIKE I WILL NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HIS REACTION. IS THIS NORMAL? AM I OVER REACTING? PLEASE ADVISE AND NO THERE IS NO ONE ELSE OF THAT I AM SURE.
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Porn addiction is so common with the advent of the internet. I too have suffered with a relationship where my boyfriend preferred to masturbate to pornography than to have sex with me, though I was very horny at the time. I too was terribly hurt as I saw it as cheating.
August 6, 2009 - 1:50pmHe would use porn and reject me all the time. He eventually realized that he was addicted and actually, though he liked the IDEA of sex with me, was not able to be turned on by one mere woman but needed all the variation, etc. that internet porn brought him.
The problem with addiction is that the person themselves needs to come to the realization that they are addicted. Your telling him will not do it!
What I did was to tell my boyfriend that I would not accept pornography in MY life and if he chose it over me, then so be it, though that would break my heart. I see it as enabling an alcoholic or a smoker.
Luckily he overcame his addiction and eventually we had great sex without any porn darkening our door.
I am now in a relationship with a different man who never uses porn and we have the best sex life either of us though imaginable.
Porn is very negative in relationships; it emasculates men, leaving them unable or unwilling to have sex with women they love, it makes women hurt and jealous and leaves them unable to get their needs met.
I feel bad for you that you are in this situation. It is not easy. Think about what you want and need from this man and good luck to you.The work stress doesn't help. Often the porn acts as a stress reliver...but you should be able to help him relieve his stress...if he will let you.
Porn is described as the "crack cocaine of the internet"....it is horribly addictive and the fact that there is no "back page" like in magazines of old, leaves a man totally unsatisfied, continually searching for the "perfect image". Some men spend hours daily trying to find it.
When they find images they "like", they usually masturbate and reach orgasm, making the association with the porn a positive one. You have to break the cycle.
Therapy can help but only if he wants help.
And remember that none of this is YOUR fault! You haven't done anything wrong.
This Comment
Ever thought about that your men maybe didn't like to make sex with you, because youre sexually boring and then he has more needs than just to sleep with a 'willing women'???
February 11, 2010 - 5:47amThis is so true. and this is happing to me. i am a little heavy but he says it's not that i just ant home when he wants it or we never have time. but he never comes to me anymore or showes me he even wants it so when should i do he says he loves me more than anything but he knows i don't like the porn but when i ant here he does it and then when i want some at night he acts like he doesn't. PLease help me i don't know what to do.
March 11, 2010 - 8:53amDifferent people need different things to help them become aroused. If your boyfriend likes porn that dose not mean he dose not like you. My boyfriend watches porn regularly and masturbates, I am not that into porn it doesn't do it for me, but I to will masturbate regularly. It has nothing to do with the other person unless you have been invited to join or help (maybe you could offer.) If it really bothers you, you need to tell him how you feel, and that you would like your sex life to more active. and to rlyons: addiction and watching porn are different things. someone who enjoys watching porn to help them get off is not an addictive and 95% of men watch porn and the rest of then just don't admit it. being able to enjoy yourself and share that with your partner means you have a healthy relationship and could even increase your sex life.
August 7, 2009 - 7:44amI am aware that not every person who views porn is addicted but I have been with men who WERE; meaning that they PREFERRED sex alone with their computers than sex with a pretty, willing woman.
August 7, 2009 - 10:50amI was not invited to join in on their onanism but left, alone with no sex at all. This to me says addiction. It is not normal to prefer cybersex than actual sex. Masturbation to images on a computer screen is NOT sex, it is voyeurism. The lady above is not having her needs met. She is not happy with a porn addict boyfriend, so this is NOT a happy relationship. And if you are with a man who will not have sex with you and continues to wank away to porn despite your upset at this fact, then he is not respecting you or women in general.
It sounds like you are content to have pornography as part of your relationship. This is fine if it doesn't bother you. We all have different desires and needs.
For me, porn is unacceptable as I personally feel that it degrades women, emasculates men and weakens bonds in relationships....but that is just how I feel.
I merely pointed out to scarlet24 that her boyfriend might have an addiction if he is unwilling to have sex with her but happy to use porn. Anon, I think you missed the point.
It's a sad and messed up world if women are DEFENDING pornography! Cyber porn is derstroying the men in our society, leaving them impotent, listless and unhappy with "real" women. At least if the women in their lives can say no to porn in their men's lives, we have some chance of saving the future generations of men. But these days, feminism is considered a bad word. WTF!?
August 7, 2009 - 10:55ami dig feminist gals who are willing to take control...but also, if your man wants to rock the internetz for his fun, then you really need to just step up and show him you know how to rock his world.
August 17, 2009 - 4:12pmyour crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELL NO! I completely disagree. If a man wants to watch porn and the woman feels not good enough, you dont need to STEP UP. Thats saying the woman isnt good enough. HELL NO! your wrong hunny
October 3, 2009 - 5:03pmare you serious??? PORN? porn. PORN is the reason men have been degrading women? thank you for clearing that up. until now, i always thought that it was centuries of a conditioned society made to believe women were a lesser species than men. or the media that depicts a certain image of "what a woman should look like" or "how a woman should act". lets remember that the glass ceiling still exsists, women are still getting paid less than men for the same work, and its within my grandparents lifetime that women were granted the right to vote. who the fuck cares about porn? PORN is degrading in general. theres lesbian and gay porn, which is offensive to me being gay, but i choose not to watch it. theres all kinds of porn that can be offensive to all walks of life. and if your man is really that unhindged from reality, that he cant decide the difference between reality and fantasy...maybe you should pick smarter, better men to date.
August 19, 2009 - 8:39amyour "feminism" is a disgrace to real feminists, and real women everywhere...
Women aren't paid less for the same work. Women are paid less in general, only because they choose jobs that are less paying or are not hired into higher paying jobs because they are women. Genetically men are geared towards manual labor. Jobs like being on an oil rig aren't real popular with the ladies. If the ladies want the job, they likely won't get it, because a man could do it better. Simple as that. This may be extremely sexist, but in reality it is this way because the employers will make more money this way. Porn is degrading to men and women, but honestly our society revolves around sex now. If you really want the guy who watches porn all the time, just go after him.
August 26, 2009 - 10:04am