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Can some please tell me what's wrong with me, i dont the pleasure or get excited when i have sex.

By June 21, 2009 - 12:18pm
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I dont know what sex feels like.Does it have something to do with ma sex hormones? Please help me

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I'm glad to hear from you!

Let me recap:
- You have a healthy, happy relationship that is consensual.
- You have never felt aroused during intercourse, and have never felt it to be pleasurable. You are physically responding by becoming lubricated, and want to know if this is about your hormones.

Hormones could definitely affect a women's lack of arousal, or lack of sex drive (libido), but from you description, it sounds like you are reacting to the physical contact by becoming lubricated naturally, but that the actual sex-act (penis-vagina penetration) does not feel pleasurable inside your vagina.

I'm wondering what your expectations are from intercourse? What are you thinking it should feel like?

Some women who have intercourse do not feel "pleasure" from a penis inside their vagina; there are very few nerve endings inside the vagina. As I'm sure you know, the clitoris is the most sensitive part of a woman's anatomy, and the vulva is also more sensitive than inside the vagina. Many women who enjoy sexual intercourse enjoy other pleasurable feelings of their partner inside of them: more like the "fullness" sensation instead of any specific "tingling" or other sensation you would have when your clitoris is stimulated.

If you are still worried about your hormones (although your body is reacting physically), have you talked with your Gynecologist about this? S/he can offer more information that is personalized, as well order some testing to be done (to have your hormone levels checked).

Here are a few other suggestions from an expert health professional who answered other women's questions similar to yours:
Go Ask Alice: No Stimulation from Intercourse
Go Ask Alice: Can Not Feel Pleasurable Sensation from Intercourse

Lastly, you may find this information helpful regarding the Sexual Response Cycle from the Cleveland Clinic; it may help pinpoint where you do feel pleasure and where you currently do not.

I also wanted to note that you did not answer my question about a past traumatic sexual experience; please know that there is help if you have ever experienced this or other non-consensual sex or penetration, as these factors could also cause pain or lack of pleasure during intercourse.

Let me know if this information was helpful, or if you have any additional questions. My hope is to narrow your question to such a specific detail, that you will no longer be as discouraged or frustrated; instead of an all-inclusive and demoralizing: "What's wrong with me?!", your thinking instead becomes: "Oh. No nerve endings inside my vagina, and that's why his penis does not feel great. I like XYZ better to become aroused, and I can have intercourse that feels emotionally good to be "close" with my partner, so it's the best of both worlds...".

June 21, 2009 - 7:34pm

Can you tell me more about your situation, as there are too many factors to randomly list that could possibly explain why you are not feeling pleasure from sex.

I am not sure what "ma sex hormones" are...what does this mean?

You say you "don't know what sex feels like"; do you mean you aren't sure what it is supposed to feel like? (Just to clarify, in case there is another meaning).

Here are just some of the possible variables that we would need to know in order to properly answer your question:
- What is your age (approx.)?
- Are you currently in a relationship, and if so, is this a happy and healthy relationship? (not that you necessarily need to be in a "relationship" to have enjoyable sex...jut trying to figure out your situation)
- Have you had sex in the past that was pleasurable or enjoyable?
- Have you ever had a traumatic sexual experience?
- When you do have sex, is it consensual? If so, are you well lubricated and aroused?
- Is your partner gentle, are you able to communicate your likes/dislikes with your partner?

June 21, 2009 - 1:41pm
(reply to Alison Beaver)

My name is Nnenna and im 20 yrs old and currently in a relationship that is happy and healthy What im trying to say is that i dont feel aroused during intercourse and ive never had sex in the past that i felt aroused or pleasurble. I get lubricated or i come without even knowing( that is to say i dont feel it). I also have a good communication with my partner concerning any issue and he is also good and gentle. Also to answer your questions, what i mean by i dont know what sex feels like is the fact that i dont feel aroused, excited and pleasurable and i was just been curious to know if it has any thing to do with my sex hormones. Thanks

June 21, 2009 - 5:28pm
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