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Dementia and effects on personal/sex life

By Anonymous August 11, 2015 - 7:17pm
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It seems one thing I can never find an answer to, is what happens to cause some people to do wild, even inappropriate sexual acts, but then why do a few quit having sex and show of affection? My husband is 59 and newly diagnosed with vascular dementia. 10 yrs ago he was hell bent to ruin our marriage with affairs, even up until last yr. I was separated from him and raising a now 9 yr old granddaughter. I think he knew therr was something wrong and came home to have me to take care of him. I tried hard in the beginning but after realizing he had nothing to give, I've given up. I want a divorce but it seems unlikely. Anyway why do some men quit sex and all that goes with it? I've tried to talk to him but of course gotten nowhere. He's not in bad shape as far as being able to do mostly what he wants. But now I've made it clear how I feel abt the past and the present and that I don't love him, it seems to bother him. He's attempting half heartedly to try to do better but it's not working. Now I don't want him to touch me or try to have the same boring routine sex. I mean it's the exact same way every single time he decides he wants to. Mostly people have had good marriages and owe each other support. I'm a young minded 59 yr old and want an active sex life. Is there anyone else like me or am I alone in these feelings? It does seem I am. No one else says these things so far. I'm beyond lonely and miserable but I'm stuck now as I lost my job of 20+ yrs. Life seems pointless and I can't help it.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thank you for your post and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Your husband's dementia may be at play here of course, as can your history together, as can your unwillingness to try anymore.

Your husband was a serial cheater and then came home when ill, wanting to be cared for by you. That's not an easy thing for you to deal with . Many spouses would remain separated. I think what is also grating on you is that while he has come back and is trying to do better, he's not really doing so. So it's like the old days again, but now you're his nurse as well as his wife. I think you're dealing with a plethora of issues here.

You are most certainly not alone - you can read our busy thread here: http://www.empowher.com/community/ask/living-and-possibly-leaving-sick-spouse-heartfelt-story-reader-looking-advice and feel free to chat there.

Anon, you are in a very difficult position and you have some big decisions to make. Make sure you put yourself and your grandchild first.


August 12, 2015 - 4:52am
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