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Has he changed? Or is it just me?

By June 11, 2010 - 9:46am
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Hi, this is my first time using this site so please bare with me.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little more than a year and a half. He's a great guy, graduate student, going on 25, great job and great friends ect.. But lately I've been finding myself more and more uninterested in him. It feels as if he's trying to relive his undergrad years by going to the gym everyday to bulk up, going out every night to drink, and he never used to be this way.

Sure, we would go out with friends once in a while, but I've gotten too old for the "let's go out and get wasted" scene. He only talks about how big his arms are going to get, has been eating protein powder with everything, and his ego has just reached an all time high. I've tried talking to him about this, and it's gotten us no where. I feel like he's going through his mid-life crisis and is only 25. I am very secure with what I am doing in my life, I am putting myself through college and work very hard for what I have. Maybe he's not as mature as I had hoped?

Oh, and the sex has gone down hill as well. We use to have sex about once a day and now it's about once a week if I'm lucky. He's been forgetting to invite me to certain events, but all his friends invite me. He doesn't think it's necessary to tell me that he's going out with the guys to get wasted when we already had plans for that day.

I've been trying to get him to do more things that I would like to do, we only do what he wants, and he always just shrugs it off and says next week. Well low and behold, when next week comes around it's the same thing.

I don't know what to say to him or if I should just give him space. I'm trying to be as logical as possible and not get too upset but this has been going on for a few months now and it's starting to get old. At this point any advice would be good advice.

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Thank you so much for the advice. I will definitely try this and hopefully it'll all work out. I'm sure it'll take time but of course I'll send an update!

June 11, 2010 - 12:05pm
HERWriter Guide

Hi Britcheeks -

Thanks for your question and welcome!

I'm sorry that you are having troubles in your relationship. It sounds like you are both in your 20s - and who we are at 20 is nowhere close to who we are at 30. We make so many changes in our 20s (from education to travel to careers to relationships) that the transition will either keep our friends and lovers closer to our heart - or leave them behind as we all choose our paths in life.

This may be what is happening to BOTH of you - not just you. Perhaps your mutual focus is no longer in the same area.

But this could simply be temporary. Everyone needs to spread their wings a little, and see what else in out there. Best time to do it is in the 20s! This may be why some of his interests have changed and why you have left the party scene.

So instead of asking him about upcoming plans or what's going on for weekend activities, focus a little more on what's going on in the relationship. The activities may only be a symptoms of a change in the relationship and certainly not a cause. It sounds like perhaps both of you are transitioning and you can do it together if you both really want to - but of course, you both have to want it.

Do you two have any alone time? Go out for dinner and talk a little. Don't fuss over his activities - if weight lifting is what he likes, then that's his right. However, you also have a right to a boyfriend who is loving and attentive and puts a little effort into the relationship. With being defensive, gently ask him if that's what he wants too.

Please take a weekend out to do this, just you two, If he insists on having it with all the gang involved, all the time, it might signal trouble. Try this and let me know how it goes. You may find that you two truly love each other or that both of you are realizing that perhaps the relationship has run it's course without much blame on either side. Will you please give us an update?


June 11, 2010 - 11:58am
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