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I am almost 29 years old, my boyfriend is 37. We've been together for 6 years now. I feel like I'm going into my "sexual prime", sex is on my mind more than it's EVER been. I have only had a few sexual partners, while my boyfriend has had NUMEROUS (@50). Our sex went from "off the charts", to "ummm blah" REAL FAST! I know that lack of privacy is an issue, I just recently moved back from Virginia Beach (I was there for a year) and had to move back into my parents house for the time being. He also moved into his fathers house, due to the fact that I was out of state helping my family and his dad is in need of help around the house (his dad is in this mid-70's, understandable). My boyfriend comes from a family of 7 and is the second to the youngest and the only one not married, so obviously it just seemed like the right thing to do. I KNOW that plays a BIG part, but it should be the END of our sex life. I mean, it's not like we have NO privacy. I've spoke to him about ALL this and the fact that I'm starting to think about sex as much as a man. When we can do it, we don't. When we can't, I've tried to be cute, sexy, dirty, etc. You know the "meet me in the car" whatever. Now we have had sex a couple times this week and he's the ONLY one who's gotten off... even after speaking, crying, screaming, and loosing sleep about this. I don't know what to do, speaking to him doesn't... it's to the point were I don't feel pretty, sexy, worthwhile, or ANYTHING. I'm beginning to resent him for the fact that he's shown NO concern about my feeling or emotional needs. What do I do, please help.
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Ms. Lost,
Having no privacy can certainly be a drawback in any relationship. However, there are plenty of hotels and motels for people like you and there is no shame in it. Have you tried going on a date and instead of heading back to one of your homes go to a hotel? You can try a less expensive motel if you can't afford getting a room for the night at a hotel. Get sexy, make him feel fabulous and have fun. If lack of privacy is truly the problem, this should help some. If not, then there is a bigger problem at hand-- it may be stress about his father or lack of interest on his behalf. If that is the issue, then perhaps couples therapy may be the solution or the inevitable going separate ways. It's been 6 years so I'm willing to bet some of the spark and spontaneity has been lost in the bedroom. If you can remember what it was like while you were dating, try to bring him back to that spot.
Good Luck!
October 21, 2009 - 6:17amThis Comment
I've suggested getting a hotel/motel for the night... many times and for about 4 months now. I would have no shame in that, we are both adults. I've also tried dressing up and looking sexy, but then it's just "why are you so dressed up" or "what did you have to do today to look so good", not "you look good today"... nothing of the sort. When I talk to him about how I feel, he says stuff like "you try to blow the smallest things into something big" or "are you trying to bring me down"... I've never even said anything to bruise his ego, I know men are sensitive about their "man-hood". However, he has seen me cry when he makes me feel this way and it's not a big deal to him, he always has excuses. How can someone just excuses the way they make their partner feel? I've also suggested we talk to someone and he's not willing, he says "we have no problems that should involve someone else". How he makes me feel is not a big deal what so ever to him, he just says "well, you shouldn't feel like this". Trust me, I WISH I could "just not feel like this"... never the less, I do. The spark in the bedroom is not gone, it's better... when we can. The spontaneity, GONE! Like I've said, I've tried to be spontaneous whispering seductively in his ear, "meet me in the car" or "wouldn't it be nice if we just got a hotel for the weekend?" I get no real response. I failed to mention, his dad has 100% hearing loss in one ear and about 40% loss in his other (WWII). We are not screamers and even if we were I doubt his dad would even hear us from way up stairs... due to the fact that you have to speak so loudly face to face with him. He had no problem growing up sneaking girls back home, I just don't see the problem now... we don't have to sneak into the house, like when he was young. He just doesn't understand or get how he makes me feel and when I TRY to explain, like I said, he blows it off like it's no big deal. I've told him flat out... it's a huge deal to me and still no change. He KNOWS I've been feeling crappy inside and out, I've told him this. Still, nothing... I just don't know anymore.
October 21, 2009 - 9:01amThis Comment