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how can i get my husband to have foreplay with me

By Anonymous April 13, 2009 - 9:13pm
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every time we have sex he has to start it i cant not get him hard and when we have sex there is no kissin,touchin nothing hurry up kind of thing he gets off in 5mins well it takes me 20mins without foreplay so if you have something to say let me know

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Hi anon,

I'm sorry to hear this! I'm not sure what advice or information I can provide, without knowing more information from you.

- Do you mind telling me how old you and your husband are (ballpark: 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc)?
- How long have you been married? Do you have young children or elderly parents you are taking care of?
- Has intimacy always been like this in your marriage, or is this a new occurrence? If it is new, then what has changed recently? If it is not new, are you just now bothered by it or has something changed for you?
- What is the rest of your marriage like, in terms of fairness, equality, respect, communication, intimacy (outside the "bedroom")?

You can probably see where I'm headed with my questions, and typically what happens in the bedroom is only a symptom of a larger problem in your relationship. What concerns me is that you feel powerless to initiate sex (and I assume other things in your relationship as well?), which can be related to many, many factors. Another concern is not that he's in a hurry (some people like "quickies"), but that it seems as though he does not want to share any of the intimacy with you; he is "using" your parts to have an orgasm and be done. That is not a healthy relationship, which is the reason for your question. Has this been going on for a long time, and has it not always been like this? Did you two used to have sex for the mutual pleasure and as an "expression of love" for each other?

Lastly, have you communicated your unhappiness with him? What is his response?

I hope to hear back from you soon, and we can work together with you on this.

April 14, 2009 - 12:40pm
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