How can I help my boyfriend overcome impotence?

By Magginator March 13, 2011 - 6:36pm

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Alright ladies, I'm sure this has probably been discussed at some point or another...but I need to put this out there so I don't feel so alone.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years--we're both healthy and in our mid 20s--and have been living together for the past 4 months. Our relationship, like most, started out wonderfully attentive, we had sex all the time. Then about a year into things, he got busy and stressed with work the sex started to dwindle. Then, a handful of times he couldn't get it up and sex became nonexistent for a while. He told me he was psyching himself out, he felt such enormous pressure to get it right, and then the more he wouldnt have sex with me, the more he felt like an ass.......vicious cycle. After a while things evened out a bit.....but now we are living together, and we barely have sex anymore--again. I can never initiate anything--he just pulls away. So I've sort of stopped trying. We talked a few days ago about it...and he added something new: we are very comfortable around each other (ie, fart, burp, talk openly about things)....and that, he said, was becoming a sexual hinderance for him. I felt so embarrassed. "Farts and sweatpants aren't doing it for me"

....What do I do!? I realize living together takes the mystery out of someone--he sees me at my worst sometimes. But for the most part, I'm an attractive woman, and have always had loads of self confidence. Since sex problems started last year, I've taken a huge blow in the confidence department. Since we talked the other day, I've been trying to look nicer around the house, and most certainly holding in bodily functions.

I guess it just makes me sad....thinking about how he wanted me all the time when we started dating....and now I can't even get him to make out with me.

(thanks for listening, ladies!)

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Rosa Cabrera RN

Magginator,

"Farts and sweatpants aren't doing it for me" -- you have just answered your own question. There are things that perhaps are best left to ourselves and not shared with our partners. Of course, you may have the occassional accidental fart once in a while but for the most part, try to step away when you feel the urge to fart/burp. Men are visual creatures-- when they first meet us they think we look gorgeous and put together 24 hours a day and that we wake up looking that way. Truth is we don't but we can certainly maintain our appearance. Here's what I think: Start dressing up, looking pretty or hot, no more sweatpants, and keep the farts/burps to a minimum-- if this doesn't help then it isn't you, it's him.

All the best,

Rosa

March 14, 2011 - 5:53am