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How do i become more mature?

By leannek87 February 18, 2010 - 6:54am
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I'm 22 but act really young (i dont know whether its to do with having adhd)
But I have been with my 29 yr old boyfriend for two years and he loves me but says sometimes its hard as it feels like he's with a kid.when we argue i cant argue like an adult,i just get annoyed with what he says, I get sarcastic and roll my eyes and just act stupid .
Even when things are fine, i do stupid things like dances, stupid voices and stuff i constantly crave his attention and get grumpy and paranoid when i dont get it.

I have a job but I sometimes mess about at work to make people laugh.
I wish i was really mature i dont know how to be, i'm scared he will leave me for a mature woman then i will be devastated and dont know how i will cope.

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EmpowHER Guest

I'm 20 and the guy I'm dating is 18. I feel like we're both still immature. That there's so much we need to learn for ourselves. Can we grow mature together and learn from each other? Or is it better to just call it quits for now? The problem is that we do fight, about small things too. Which is mostly my fault. And it's hard for me to end something that didn't end badly because I do care for him. And I know he's sincerely trying his best. I just don't want him to be pressured to grow up to my age. At his age, I was happy and carefree. But whenever I tell him that we should break up, he doesn't want to. I'm tired. I like us, but I'm tired. And yet I can't seem to break it off because he hasn't done anything wrong. How do I break it off then? Also, my parents would prefer me to date someone in business. Someone whose career path goes together with mine. He's purely into design and art. And I'm going to be in design and business. It clashes I guess. Because I think I need someone capable of handling a business with me in the future. So I'm not really sure. I think I have to force the breakup maybe. And try my best to stay there. I'm confused but I don't know how much we could progress with each other.

November 18, 2015 - 6:50pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post!

You are both very young ,there shouldn't be any dating pressure at this age. It sounds like neither of you should be dating; you should be focused on education and careers.
Tell him this - at 20 you should be able to let him know that while you care for him, you can't be in a relationship now. It'll hurt for a while but I promise, both of you will move on.

November 19, 2015 - 6:55am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm 21 year old Married working women.. I have no parents. they passed away when I was 12 Year old. I had a Brother & he was so strict. I had no love & care from anyone. I grew up in Boarding Hostel till the age of 20.
8 months before I got married with a person whom I love He's 24 years old. And I'm completely happy with him too...
But today in my office my team mates & my self were having lunch in canteen. I usually act stupid some times & make others lough. I even love kittens & pets. Today as common we all talking N making fun.. I even Spoke about my kittens some times with my team mates.
we are only 4 people in my team including me. all are boys and only me is a girl.
normally 1 guy asked my age I told him Am 21 years old. So he was shocked n replied, suddenly replied that "such a old girl you must be matured. you are still childish, you should change your self".
He's 28 years old. even another guy from my team (25 years old) supported me & started arguing that girls are normally childish even there is nothing to change her self. she's good that this an all.... But at that time I just felt very Sad & I dint speak anything. I was just smiling for sake.
And my mind is blocked now. Always for every small reason I'll feel sad & I feel alone, I miss my parents then even I feel like nobody thought me anything & I cant be match up with this world, And my world is somewhere far from earth.
Now you even might be thinking as am gone mad.
that's fine :)
If you feel am not talking stupid & want to suggest something, Please suggest something.

March 15, 2015 - 2:49am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Childish is not a bad thing. If your heart is clean people do that kind of behaviour. You live your life for you, the way you want. First, Its your life so you do have 100% right to live your life according to you(Make sure it will not hurmfull). Tell me one thing if you ask your that friend(Who asked you to change) that behaive like you, will he do?? No right bcoz he is quite confident whatever he is doing. SO now you have to be condient whatever you do. Matureness is not like that you should look serious. Matureness shold show in your work, in your decison. You have to be sincereare to your work and your decision. We should have fun while with friends that why its called FUN TIME. We can make fun in work place but not in work. Every person has different point of view in life so their chioces, thinking, likes differnet from each other. If you ask me I would like to have a team member like you. I don't want boring life, we should have fun. If you put little bit light on that you will see people are trying to act according to the societies requirement. For eg. a bank manager should look serious so that people think twice to talk to him. Simple. Be sinceare not so serious. Hope it will help..... Keep smiling and dnt kill your inocentness just bcoz smone else. But dont be always so innocent.. ok... Tk cr.

April 27, 2015 - 8:38am
EmpowHER Guest

I have a boyfriend for 5months already. and everytime we argue someumething I always agree with him just to end the argumentation. I always been submissive to him.We are in long distance relationship, one day I never receive any responce from him. So I was worried but I know that he is busy doing something but we supppsed to talk that day and he never inform me for that matter. I was waiting until night begore I go to sleep. One message I received from him and he told me he doesb't like what Im doing. "One message is enough " He told me. So I was hurt and told to him that Im really sorry if Im disturbing him. But then he replied that " its not disturbing but I want you to act as mature". Thiss mature word I dont understand. Hope someone could able to help me.

April 6, 2014 - 4:27pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Being "mature" is pretty much being able to act in a manner that reflects your age and experience. So the older you get, the more calm, sensible and relflective you should be. But still, people mature at different levels and a lot has to do with their experiences in life. 

If you are fighting with, and in a long distance relationship with a man after only 5 months of dating, then re-evaluate why you want to be with him. Being "in love" isn't enough and it's ok not to hear from some for a day or two, it doesn't mean anything is wrong. 



April 7, 2014 - 12:35pm
EmpowHER Guest

Im a 21 year old female and i am in a relationship with a female who is about to be 26 in April. She just told me and told me that i have a lot of growing up to do. For some reason that really hurt my feelings. Now we have been together almost 6 months, but have know each other for almost 5 years. She feels like i let people use me and that i let me control me and my thoughts, I guess. I really do love this girl. and i have never felt like this towards anyone else, i just don't understand why she is with me sometimes . She is use to dating women that are much older than her and i think she feels the way she feels because she is use to dating women that are more mature with there own place, car, and at least a good job; meanwhile back at the ranch I'm 21, in college with no car no job, and I stay with my parents. I want to keep this relationship going, but i would never want to put myself, or her in a difficult situation. Now, i dont want to be immature about this whole thing, but she and i were raised extremely different from each other, she pretty much had to raise herself and i was raised in a house with both of my parents, and they were extremely hard on me and my sister. I can be very gullible, and let people use me and i dont have a backbone and im very insecure thats why i think i feel the need to put up with the things that i take from all directions i just want to handle this and please everyone including myself because this is not going to work

February 26, 2014 - 6:41pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post! 

Firstly, being a people pleaser is a negative behavior, not a positive one. It means that you're perhaps not living a truthful life because you're saying and doing this you may not agree with, simply to keep other people happy. This isn't an authentic life. 

Now this doesn't mean you have to be a selfish person without regard for others, but you do have to stand up for yourself and be more honest with others. 

A 21 year old who lives at home while attending college is certainly not a sign of immaturity. In fact, it's a pretty common stage of life that a lot of people go through.  Having good jobs, homes and cars comes with hard work, experience and time - something you haven't had the chance to go through yet (I'm sure you work hard at college) and has nothing to do with being successful at 21. You seem to be doing a pretty good job at life so far. Don't confuse maturity here - your girlfriend's former partners were far older and should be doing better. Excepting the same achievements from a 21 year old is silly and unreasonable. 

You really are going to have to look at your own behaviors, actions and reactions and change what isn't working for you. Seeing these and changing them will really help you to grow a little. What might be hard is knowing that people won't always be pleased with you know but you know what? It doesn't seem that they are so pleased with you now. Standing up for yourself will actually earn you respect. 

Your girlfriend may be right that you allow others to walk over you so think about that. But I also hope she is supportive of you. 

What do you think?


February 27, 2014 - 10:13am
EmpowHER Guest

same my problem some time i m very series but sometime my behaver like a kids i cant understand how can change my behaviour .i m worry about my job and this stage company want a mature employ be thinks is not a play ground .this is company here many works.many responsibility handle you so my company onwer say first you should change behaver ya make a responsible person then you come and joing my company .................

sometimes i feel thats when i seryes i ll all are work very nic and time to time ....so please help me how can do i am very warry my futher

May 28, 2013 - 5:02am

Okay, well I am 13, and I am like IN LOVE with this guy who is 15... But he doesn't love me and I think it is because he is mature and I am not... And I know I should just forget about him BUT I tried that and then I saw him at the store and I couldn't breathe and plus it is really hard trying to be mature when he is going around saying sweet things to me and just being him! I just want him to love me!! Please help!!

October 11, 2012 - 3:01pm
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