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ask: How do i become more mature?

By leannek87
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I'm 22 but act really young (i dont know whether its to do with having adhd)
But I have been with my 29 yr old boyfriend for two years and he loves me but says sometimes its hard as it feels like he's with a kid.when we argue i cant argue like an adult,i just get annoyed with what he says, I get sarcastic and roll my eyes and just act stupid .
Even when things are fine, i do stupid things like dances, stupid voices and stuff i constantly crave his attention and get grumpy and paranoid when i dont get it.

I have a job but I sometimes mess about at work to make people laugh.
I wish i was really mature i dont know how to be, i'm scared he will leave me for a mature woman then i will be devastated and dont know how i will cope.

Add a Comment22 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

I have a boyfriend for 5months already. and everytime we argue someumething I always agree with him just to end the argumentation. I always been submissive to him.We are in long distance relationship, one day I never receive any responce from him. So I was worried but I know that he is busy doing something but we supppsed to talk that day and he never inform me for that matter. I was waiting until night begore I go to sleep. One message I received from him and he told me he doesb't like what Im doing. "One message is enough " He told me. So I was hurt and told to him that Im really sorry if Im disturbing him. But then he replied that " its not disturbing but I want you to act as mature". Thiss mature word I dont understand. Hope someone could able to help me.

April 6, 2014 - 4:27pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Being "mature" is pretty much being able to act in a manner that reflects your age and experience. So the older you get, the more calm, sensible and relflective you should be. But still, people mature at different levels and a lot has to do with their experiences in life. 

If you are fighting with, and in a long distance relationship with a man after only 5 months of dating, then re-evaluate why you want to be with him. Being "in love" isn't enough and it's ok not to hear from some for a day or two, it doesn't mean anything is wrong. 



April 7, 2014 - 12:35pm
EmpowHER Guest

Im a 21 year old female and i am in a relationship with a female who is about to be 26 in April. She just told me and told me that i have a lot of growing up to do. For some reason that really hurt my feelings. Now we have been together almost 6 months, but have know each other for almost 5 years. She feels like i let people use me and that i let me control me and my thoughts, I guess. I really do love this girl. and i have never felt like this towards anyone else, i just don't understand why she is with me sometimes . She is use to dating women that are much older than her and i think she feels the way she feels because she is use to dating women that are more mature with there own place, car, and at least a good job; meanwhile back at the ranch I'm 21, in college with no car no job, and I stay with my parents. I want to keep this relationship going, but i would never want to put myself, or her in a difficult situation. Now, i dont want to be immature about this whole thing, but she and i were raised extremely different from each other, she pretty much had to raise herself and i was raised in a house with both of my parents, and they were extremely hard on me and my sister. I can be very gullible, and let people use me and i dont have a backbone and im very insecure thats why i think i feel the need to put up with the things that i take from all directions i just want to handle this and please everyone including myself because this is not going to work

February 26, 2014 - 6:41pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post! 

Firstly, being a people pleaser is a negative behavior, not a positive one. It means that you're perhaps not living a truthful life because you're saying and doing this you may not agree with, simply to keep other people happy. This isn't an authentic life. 

Now this doesn't mean you have to be a selfish person without regard for others, but you do have to stand up for yourself and be more honest with others. 

A 21 year old who lives at home while attending college is certainly not a sign of immaturity. In fact, it's a pretty common stage of life that a lot of people go through.  Having good jobs, homes and cars comes with hard work, experience and time - something you haven't had the chance to go through yet (I'm sure you work hard at college) and has nothing to do with being successful at 21. You seem to be doing a pretty good job at life so far. Don't confuse maturity here - your girlfriend's former partners were far older and should be doing better. Excepting the same achievements from a 21 year old is silly and unreasonable. 

You really are going to have to look at your own behaviors, actions and reactions and change what isn't working for you. Seeing these and changing them will really help you to grow a little. What might be hard is knowing that people won't always be pleased with you know but you know what? It doesn't seem that they are so pleased with you now. Standing up for yourself will actually earn you respect. 

Your girlfriend may be right that you allow others to walk over you so think about that. But I also hope she is supportive of you. 

What do you think?


February 27, 2014 - 10:13am
EmpowHER Guest

same my problem some time i m very series but sometime my behaver like a kids i cant understand how can change my behaviour .i m worry about my job and this stage company want a mature employ be thinks is not a play ground .this is company here many works.many responsibility handle you so my company onwer say first you should change behaver ya make a responsible person then you come and joing my company .................

sometimes i feel thats when i seryes i ll all are work very nic and time to time please help me how can do i am very warry my futher

May 28, 2013 - 5:02am

Okay, well I am 13, and I am like IN LOVE with this guy who is 15... But he doesn't love me and I think it is because he is mature and I am not... And I know I should just forget about him BUT I tried that and then I saw him at the store and I couldn't breathe and plus it is really hard trying to be mature when he is going around saying sweet things to me and just being him! I just want him to love me!! Please help!!

October 11, 2012 - 3:01pm

I am having this same problem with my fiance and I am having a hard time staying in love with her because she sometimes make me feel like I am with a child instead of being with a young lady or an adult. Age has nothing to do with maturity and don"t change being funny laughter is always a good thing knowing when and how to bring the laughter is key. play fighting is always a win win with men because most of our love language is physical touch. hope this was helpful from a mans point of

May 29, 2012 - 7:42pm
EmpowHER Guest

hi, my name is mani from uae. finaly i got someone spcial person. just i complet 1 week with this girl. she is disvorted lady age around 26. i like her voice. i m 29. still i didn't saw him but i love her voice. after one week friendship she told me i m immature. how u can judge person with in one week. ...?

May 16, 2012 - 9:36am
EmpowHER Guest

i completely agree with you. yes i have deaf friend but i most social with hearing people. i will try join group deaf people.

March 18, 2011 - 9:11am
Alison Beaver

I am sorry you are going through this, but it does sound like talking with a therapist will help you immensely! Many adult children have difficulties with their parents not letting them grow up, but it really is the adult child's responsibility to say "enough!" and to demonstrate to their parents that they are, indeed, responsible adults.

Your parents actions are harsh, and a therapist can work with you to begin trusting in yourself. It sounds like you believe many of the things your parents have said, and are questioning the merit of each of these things (you are stupid, a liar, too immature to be independent, not able to marry, not able to go places, etc). This is a GREAT place to be--questioning--and every adult child must go through this process. This is where the therapist can help you determine what is fact in your life, versus your parent's opinion that you have the right to disagree with.

Please keep us updated once you meet with the therapist, and also finding support groups in your area can also help. Do you have friends whom are also deaf? Contact the association Susan suggested, and you can attend groups with other adults who are deaf, and learn how they became independent and self-confident.

March 17, 2011 - 8:38am
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