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How do I get my boyfriend to have sex again after having an abortion?

By Anonymous August 22, 2011 - 8:01am
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My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and we recently moved to a new area to run our own business. When we first moved here we always had sex and had a wonderful relationship despite the stress of the business and living in an area where we know no one and our families are far away. I got pregnant and we decided that at this time we couldn't keep the baby, so I had an abortion. Unfortunately, I suffered complications from it and ended up in the hospital. I bled for a month after the abortion, and during that time it was understandable why he wouldn't want to have sex. Once I was healed, we had sex a few times, but he always finished quickly and never seemed to want to bring me to orgasm. Now, we rarely have sex, and it is contributing to my depression and feelings that he doesn't love me anymore. We've talked about it and he tells me that he doesn't want to make me go through that again, even though I'm on birth control and we take all of the preventative measures we can so that I don't get pregnant. So now we rarely, if ever, have sex and when we do he finishes quickly and doesn't care if I've orgasmed or not. We went from having a wonderful sex life to none at all, and everything I've done to "spice things up" doesn't seem to be having an effect. How do I get him to get past his fears and focus on us again? I feel like our relationship and our bond is deteriorating more every day, no matter what I do to try and stop it. Please help me. It's been 6 months and it's still this way. I've been patient, but it's getting hard. There's also an age difference between us, so I'm sure that plays a role in things as well, but I don't know how much longer I can wait to let him get over his issues by himself.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your question!

Perhaps the abortion was harder on your boyfriend than he's letting you know. There may be a psychological component to things that he's not letting you know and it's easier from him to focus on the physical aspect.

As you know, sex is of course very important in any romantic relationship but he may not be able to get certain aspects of the abortion from him mind, like the bleeding. He may also feel responsible for what happened after (the complications).

If it has been 6 months, and you are on birth control, then it's highly unlikely you'll get pregnant again. Therefore, as I said, there may be a psychological issue that hasn't been admitted to. Have you asked him about how the abortion (and complications) affected him emotionally?
Does he feel guilty? Is he turned off by sex now? Does he have regrets?


August 22, 2011 - 11:16am
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