Facebook Pixel
EmpowHER Guest

How do I get over the hurt?

By Anonymous July 31, 2016 - 1:29pm
Rate This

This is difficult for me to open up about. I've been married for nearly 4 years. About 6 weeks after the wedding I found out my husband had been having what I can only describe as an emotional affair. As far as I know it never became physical. He called and texted and met up with this other woman frequently and without my knowledge.
I suspected something was wrong and found out about it when I looked at his phone bill, email and Facebook messenger. I also discovered at that time that he was suffering from depression.

We got him help for the depression and he's fine now after a very rocky road. We have also worked through what happened, he broke contact with the woman, I also spoke to her. He opened up his phone, Facebook, email etc to me but our sex life has never recovered.
I think it's because I love him and trust that nothing will happen again but I'm still hurting. My self esteem has taken a major blow. We met young... I was 17.. And we were together for nearly 11 years when we got married. Then a few weeks later he breaks my heart. He was very sorry and devastated when he realised what he had done to me.
I just don't know what to do... How do I get over the hurt... It's been nearly 4 years. He has expressed concern about our lack of a sex life but I just can't seem to get things back on track. We have a very affectionate relationship and cuddle a lot but no sexual intimacy to speak of. It's been 5 months since we last had sex.
I don't know if I'm even making sense. I'm just so confused. Any advice would be welcome!

Add a Comment2 Comments

I agree with Susan.

August 17, 2016 - 2:42am
HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thank you for reaching out to EmpowHER with your concerns.

If it has been four years since this emotional affair and you still cannot move on with your life you have some touch decisions to make. Love is not enough to make a marriage work. While love encompasses many things, you need solid trust and a good friendship too. You have been terribly hurt but it's time to work on this if you want your marriage to last.

I suggest you seek both individual and couples counseling. Talk to your husband about this. This affair will push you further apart now, even if it was four years ago. Counseling with a neutral party will help.

Read more here: http://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/affairs-heart-why-people-have-emotional-affairs



Relationships can be salvaged if both parties really want it. Don't give up hope.


August 1, 2016 - 4:41am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!