Facebook Pixel
EmpowHER Guest

I am female 21 yrs and have NO sex drive whatsoever. Help?

By Anonymous October 2, 2009 - 8:54pm
Rate This

I am twenty-one years old and have pretty much never been too interested in sex. I have been on depo provera since I was 16 and I've heard it lowers a woman's sex drive, but I've never even masturbated in my entire life either (no joke). I have a boyfriend that I've been with for two years. Before dating him, I had totally abstained for 8 months and had a bit more of a sex drive than I had before, but then it leveled out back to normal in about two months. He's been incredibly patient and we've tried different stimuli and I'm still just not interested in sex--at all, ever. It's really straining my relationship and I love him a lot and would like to make him happy, but I honestly can't say that even mentally I want to have sex or even be stimulated. I have no memory of it, but all my doctors and psychologists seem to think I was molested when I was a child. But, I don't remember that even if it did happen, so I can't see how it would bother me psychologically. Will someone please help me?

Add a Comment1 Comments

HERWriter Guide

Dear Anon

Thank you so much for your question and welcome to EmpowHer!

I'm sorry you are dealing with the problem of no sex drive (whatsoever) but do know that you are not alone and it's a problem many women deal with, even young women.

Depo Provera can and does change one's sex drive and it usually lessens it, not increases it. This is sometimes only temporary - within a few months, the sex drive returns. But for some women with Depo (and other birth control methods), it never returns. You may want to think about trying a different birth control method and see if that works for you. It may take another couple of months once you stop the Depo, as it can take that long for all the mediation to leave your system. It's worth a try, since other women on this method of birth control have had very similar experiences.

Regarding past sexual abuse - this could be the case since some statistics put the number of females who suffered sexual abuse in their lifetime at about 25% which is very high. And it's not unusual to not remember it yet it can manifest itself in many ways - no sex drive being one of them. Do you have any other feelings that could be attributed to possible abuse?

However - I also think it's irresponsible for doctors to say this and not do any other kinds of testing. You need to have your hormone levels checked. Even though you are young, you may find that they are very imbalanced and you can take medications to correct that. I would suggest a full evaluation with your doctor, and make sure your hormones and thyroid are checked. To just assume you were molested is ridiculous and could be utterly untrue and you may end up also assuming you were sexually assaulted when you were not. The power of suggestion is very strong. This could be very damaging to a person's life - they could end up feeling victimized when they were not, suspicious of family members and unable to trust others. And for what? Because doctors decided this?

We don't know if this is the case and if you have no memories at all, you may never know. If that's the case you need to live your life like it didn't happen. You cannot live under an assumption that you were abused, just because medical professionals decided that was the case. Many women have problems in the area of sex drive - the notion that it's all down to abuse doesn't hold water. Don't let them label you like this as it may not be true and your underlying reasons for having no sex drive will be ignored.

Please go to your regular doctor and talk to her about getting off the Depo, and ask for full blood work to be done. Let's be practical about things first - and if there is no positive outcome, we can work with you from there.

I understand how your problem may be straining your relationship and I think it's wonderful you are being proactive about finding out the root cause of this. I hope you stay in contact with us and let us know how you are doing. Will you keep us updated?

October 3, 2009 - 5:21am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sexual Health

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Related Checklists

Sexual Health Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!