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my boyfriend, babys father will not be intamte with me anymore

By January 12, 2012 - 7:39pm
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So I have been with my bf for 5 years now we have a almost 3 years old daughter and I'm about to have a son in 5 weeks. Before I got pregnant we split up for about 6 months and right when we decided to get back together all he did was talk about wanting another child. We were so happy I felt like things changed and we could be happy again. But once got pregnant it was just a huge downfall. It was like he moved. Back in with me and he couldn't get enough of me he didn't even care to get himself off all he wanted was to please me and made sure I was happy always held my hand talked to me like I meant the world to him he appreciated everythingvi did for him. Now that I'm pregnant it has been sheer hell and torture I have never felt more alone and hurt. We cant even go down the road to the store to get milk with out fighting to the point of me balling. Its out of control! We never have sex anymore its always once in a blue moon. I try everything to get him in the mood but he knows I'm going to ask or do something so before I can try I'm already being rejected. Weather its he pretends to fall asleep or he will randomly say my stomach hurts or his back hurts or jus start complaining when we start to go to bed. I will stay up for hours crying and he knows it but he wont even do anything. Then I cry more. And I also found out he will masterbate I tried talking to him about it it hurts so bad I just cried and cried and he said he doesn't do that but I found it on his boxers or shirts in the bathroom or when its like 3 in the morning or later I will wake up to lee and he will be in the bathroom with the door locked we never lock the bathroom door ever! Plus I found some covers to some Dvd porn that we got together a long time ago taken out of the case and hidden in the bathroom. Needless to say he is doing it and lien about it. I didn't want to be mean about it to him or anything cuz then I didn't want him doing it just to spite me. But even this morning I caught him it was like 830 and he slept on the couch and me and my daughter were in the bed the couch is like 3 ft away. I woke up to lee and he had his legs up and the blanket covering his body his eyes were closed so he didn't hear me right away and when he did he changed complete positions and pretended to still be asleep we normally don't get up until about ten so I lay back down and my friend started texting me so shortlly later he gets up and goes to the bathroom and the spare bed room and lays back down I didn't say anything until a little later today cuz I was jus so upset and we were fighting all day. I been crying pretty much the whole day now and he has no reaction and jus denies everything. He tells me he is attracted to me even still that I'm pregnant. But I jus don't think its true cuz I shouldn't be so hurtvover him masterbating if I was pleased right? I mean its not even about the sex its jus he wont do anything with me intimate nothing at all he doesn't pay attention to me don't hold hands kiss nothing is it normal is it because I'm pregnant? Help me please

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Dear Lostandconfused87,

Thanks for posting. When a couple gets back together after breaking up-- they go through a honey moon period-- this is the same period as when you first started dating...everything is perfect. Unfortunately, like we have already learned from previous experiences, the honeymoon period doesn't last. 

It sounds like there are a couple of things going on here: lack of communication, you being pregnant (hormones), and the beautiful but unrealistic expectation that your boyfriend would change into the honeymoon man. Pregnancy can wreck havoc on your emotions-- things that you would maybe brush off or battles that you wouldn't fight under normal circumstances are maximized during pregnancy and it will usually end up with you crying-- all the time. It's important that you realize that some men are not attracted to pregnant women, they don't want to have sex with you when you are pregnant, and they resort to porn to fulfill that need.

Be happy-- he isn't cheating, he's by your side, you're having a baby with this man in about a month. Unborn babies feel your negative feelings and sadness- you don't want to burden your baby with this. I know it's hard because the hormones aren't really helping but you've got to try to be happy for your baby. If it means ignoring your boyfriend for the time being then so be it but you need to live a peaceful, calm, life for the next few months for you and your baby. If the problems persist months after you've had your baby (remember that those pesky hormones like to linger for about 6 months) then you can bring it up as a conversation, not a fight. 

Take good care of yourself for your little ones!


January 13, 2012 - 5:46am
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