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My boyfriend will masturbate, but won't have sex with me.

By July 19, 2012 - 2:30pm
 
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My boyfriend admits to masturbating, but he won't have sex with me. He goes soft when I try, and I've talked to him about how it hurts me. He says it's becasue he 'can't last long' and that he's sorry and things will change, but ever since that talk, he hasn't touched me. He tells me he feels so bad that I'll get him to finish, but he won't help me out. ever. Why can't he just pleasure me? He knows how because he has before.. It's not lining up. Our relationship is great and have been together for 2.5 years. Living together, both working (not stressful jobs) and have very good communication. He's 20, I'm 19. We have recently improved our eating habits, and have taken up exercising together every other day. We also just started slowing down on smoking weed for bettering our lives. We talk about getting married and we both love each other incredibly much. We talk about it all of the time. I know we're very happy. I've tried giving him his space without trying anything sexual in hopes of him wanting to be intimate, but it's not working. I think he even masturbated today in the shower and hid it from me. I just want to cry a lot. I don't know what to do or think?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I see this was posted in 2012. I'm 30 and my relationship sounds so similar to yours. We've been together for just over 2 years but he hasn't touched me since 3 months in. Looking back I see that he never touched me--he just enjoyed when I touched him. But that stopped quickly. We're undeniably happy and have the best relationship other than that. But I get nothing from him. No intimacy. No touch. No compliments. No flattery or flirting. Sometimes hugs. I've come along ways as far as understanding why it hurt so much at first. A lot of soul searching and spiritual growth. Since he's told me he's never been interested in sex, I assumed he was aesexual. But he told me he's slept with almost 30 women. He's 35. And he also masturbates to nude photographs online. I understand he if has no interest in sex. But I'm starting to think he's just been hiding something from me. This is insane. I don't know what to do.

June 7, 2017 - 10:58am

I use to have a sex partner that masturbated all the time several times a day even at work.he was seperated from his wife,we had great sex but I to masterbated and we would exchange masterbating stories.we also both like porn.we never watched it together but chatted while watching the same video.I was very honest about what I liked.for instance I am not gay but I do enjoy watching lesbian porn.I was never able to share that with my past boyfriend of 18yrs.we had great sex together.maybe he has a fetish of some kind that he is afraid to shair.people are judgemental and its scary to put yourself out there.maybe you should try to explore your sexuality more and you will understand.just an idea.

August 22, 2012 - 10:24am

I agree with Maryann also, he might be masturbating to much to the point that he can't have sex with you. or he may have a fetish with masturbation. I have been in both those types or relationships. but, the best way to get help for this situation is to get the help of a professional.

July 20, 2012 - 12:25pm
Guide

Hello owl42,

Since you are considering marriage, this is an issue that must be resolved. I suggest you and your boyfriend seek the help of a well-trained and licensed counselor. Find a professional who specializes in working with couples.

Under the guidance of a counselor, you may find the underlying reason for your boyfriend's sexual behavior.

Good luck,

Maryann

July 19, 2012 - 4:45pm
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