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My husband doesn't like the way I look

By June 4, 2010 - 9:11pm
 
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I am unhappy that my husband doesn't like the way I look. What I mean is he doesn't like my body type, he doesn't like the size of my nipples - he has a list. He said he thinks my face isn't unpleasant. I've been married to him for eleven years. He isn't mean; he's just very convinced that I do not fit the criteria that is required to be a good looking woman.

He responds sexually, but I find his attitude toward the way I look a turn off. He likes the way he looks and he is very comfortable in his own body.

I got breast implants nine years ago, frankly to please him, but still he said I don't fit the bill. I am in good health, a size 12. I'm almost 5'7". I have gained weight since going through menopause. I think I weigh around 155lbs. I usually weigh 128 lbs. He thought I was too fat at 128 lbs; he has told me just not to gain anymore or he'll leave.

I believe he loves me. He calls his assessment of my body "reality." He says he loves me for who I am, not for my body. I have gone from really liking sex to feeling ashamed of my body, I don't want to take off my clothes.

Any suggestions? I am trying to lose the weight and firm up, but it's a slow process.

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My husband is similar he hates the way i eat how much i eat when i was dieting "I ate too little" now that I eat too much.
I love getting long nails and hes says hes embarrassed for me to get my nails done long.
i Wear makeup and he says i need to be natural and I look like a clown.
At first it didnt hurt me but now I feel very low about myself.

May 6, 2017 - 4:47pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Yes. You do need to lose weight - about 180lbs (or whatever) of so-called 'husband'.

You deserve better - because no one decent would threaten to leave if you didn't look a certain way.

March 11, 2017 - 12:54am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm sorry but what the actual fuck? Then why would he marry a woman that he describes like this?
Honestly, it sounds like a porn problem.
Men who are addicted to porn start behaving very differently towards their spouse.

I had this problem with my husband and I'm not bragging but I'm a gorgeous woman.
I have strangers (men and women) telling me how attractive I am constantly. I have an hourglass frame and a damn beautiful face and my husband was still making negative comments about me after I had our daughter.

November 19, 2016 - 8:12pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My husband and I are temporarily apart while I am visiting family. We talk on FaceTime and everything has seemed fine until this morning. I really don't know what to make of this. My husband said in our last conversation that he misses me, he loves me, I have a beautiful smile (which I have a hard time accepting because I just don't see myself that way). I'm trying really hard to accept compliments but it's hard when things like this happen....... After what I thought was a really good conversation, we said our goodbyes and then he immediately sent me a screenshot he had got of me which would have to be one of the most unflattering pictures ever taken. I mean it was ugly. I laughed it off as the joke I guess it was meant to be, but it took me back to high school being bullied by the 'mean girls'. I never expected that I would have to endure my husband making fun of my looks in this way. Sometimes he has no idea how deeply he can hurt me in an instant. Just had to find somewhere to vent about this, I don't want to cry.

May 11, 2016 - 4:26am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend hates my weight not that am over weight or big am 64kg and 5months pregnant, he hates what I eat, I don't understand him because I do eat what he eats he says I should reduce on eating or eat certain foods. It's making uncomfortable and sad

July 23, 2015 - 10:13am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

So, I asked my boyfriend if I was hot. I know, TRAP! You'll never be happy- blah,blah. Every girl does it at least once in her life so shut up. Anyway, I did. His reply was "sorta."
Look, I get that this reflects my own bodily insecurities and all and Yep, 100% correct- I have ALWAYS had this issue but it's consuming me because I feel it's so out of my control! To put into perspective: I am a short girl; 157cm. I am23,I weigh 62kg which according to most is average however as much as I'd like to say otherwise, I'm seriously not toned- like, at all. I know that I have a classically pretty face equipped with beauty spot and pouty lips but I WANT that sexy body that drives men crazzzyyy. The thing is- I know that YOU NEED TO WORK FOR IT, or you can be a spoilt bitch and just be born with it (like my bfs ex) but I walk for 75mins every morning and calorie count, boy do I- and I enjoy this, this can be MAINTAINED but squats, lunges, running, etc, etc is just not something that I am naturally interested in, nor am I used to doing. I refuse to begin exercise that I hate, only to hate myself more for hating it and hate then I hate myself for not doing it- and the viscous cycle continues.
Which brings me to my boyfriends comment which I know I asked but for gods sake, he's not a fitness fanatic by any means, nor does he try to support me in my healthy eating. He is beautiful and would never mean me harm but why couldn't he have just said "you are hit to me but let's try and lose a few kilos together?!"
I feel that now he has said I'm "sort of" hot that I don't want him to touch, look or think about my body. I suppose I expected hotness to be somewhat like sexiness, not just skin deep. Sigh- I just don't know what I think of my body- it's "normal" to doctors and such, and my boyfriend tells me "it's fine, you are too hard on yourself" and then hits me with a very contradictory doozey like "sort of hot."
I feel like one has to come to terms with not feeling sexy and get on with it, but men don't understand how much women so long for the feeling of sexiness.
I woman wants her partner to crave her body, to be thankful for it and want nothing else, but most of all feel sexy as she is.

July 3, 2015 - 3:23am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

You know my husband is the same way. I'm leaving him because that is not love !! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

April 30, 2015 - 2:40pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

husband can be so mean and ruin a good marriage.

September 11, 2015 - 6:48am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am looking for some clarity because honestly I am at my wits end. I'm close to divorcing my husband because of this matter. My husband was always use to dating curvier women, and I believe that curvy women are beautiful. But I am not a coke bottle shape. However I do have some curves but its just not what he is use to. But to get straight to the point he wants me to have a bigger toosh. He said he wants me to tone up my body and grow a bigger butt. Now I'm okay with working out and toning up because I don't mind working out. But the root cause of why I hate when he nags me about it is because he once committed infedelity with someone that was on the curvier side, and I feel he wants me to look a certain way just to meet the criteria of the women he use to be with and it makes me insecure. I want to be all my husband wants but I dont want to change into something I'm not or have to pretend to be. Please give me some advice.

October 15, 2014 - 5:37am

My husband doesn't like the way the way I look either - never has even before we got married I have learned. I was a stick then and still am not overweight after a few children. Through counseling, we have learned that he doesn't feel good about himself so he's looking for life through me - and wants me to look a certain way. And, his own feelings of insecurity are projected onto me. But, this isn't going to work for me. We will continue in counseling, but it's a very painful process for me. I continue to let him know how painful it is and what it makes me feel like. There is no sex until I know he finds me attractive - and he won't do that until he's happy with himself. I'm also not willing to stay in this situation forever...

July 25, 2013 - 8:42am
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