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ask: my husband has lack of interest in sex

By Anonymous
 
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we got married 2 yrs before and were in Dubai...........in the beginning we used to have sex but after 2 months he lost interest in sex . He ll never bother whether i m interested or not wen ever i take initiative he ll refuse or ll say hes very tired ...................................My hus has started new business before 5 months which is in Dubai and India so he needs to travel once in 2 months because of which i came to India 6 months before ...........he comes to India only for a week then also we hardly use to have sex........................please advise what can be done ............i really feel he doesnt love me wen he refuses to have sex and wen he doesnt show interest in sex

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Well !! We have been married 45 years and my husband only had sex with me once the first and last all in about 20 minutes time. We were never intimate before we were married, he only kissed me and held my hand. Probably this should have been the time that bells and whistles should have went off. But no I was young and niave! So when the ‘I Do’s’ were over we had sex and he told me that was the last time he wanted sex. He thought it was totally disgusting, unpleasent and something he would never do again. Also he volenteered to work midnight whitch he did for over 40 years, and that he decided to move his things and himself to the basement. I said this is not how a marriage should be, it should have togetherness, love, family, kids ! All he said was it was not going to happen on his watch and it hasn’t. I tryed to go back home to my parents but was told no, they said you two figure it out. I never did figure out what happened in fact I just gave up on the idea. He won’t talk just primative grunts, groans and moans. Nothing civalized in over a year. Hes retired now and I want for nothing and have good benefits and a roof over my head. I wouldn’t have this if I was out on my own. I’ve buired my life in other things and stay away from home as much as possible. I’m very sad in how things turned out no kids no nothing, but I try to be cheerful and upbeat.

June 19, 2012 - 1:32pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

My first instinct is that you may have married a very closeted/hidden gay man. Certainly not unusual in his generation - to have a sexless marriage and avoid contact (working evenings and being able to sleep during the day - this also gives his opportunities to socialize on his own at night). Your marriage was not consummated and could be easily annulled. Anon, it's never too late to find happiness. You have many legal rights. It's just something to think about.

Best,

~Susan

June 21, 2012 - 5:04am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

i dont have intrest in sex dont know wt to do but my husband want have sex daily please suggest me wt to do

December 21, 2009 - 4:23am
abdul

if u r husband does not show intrest in that means he looking for some one in that case u to go for that

December 21, 2009 - 12:23am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Dear Anon

Thanks for your post and welcome!

I'm sorry you are being made to feel this way - I don't blame you for not feeling loved since constant rejection will almost always ensure a person feels this way.

We have tackled this subject on many occasions and have had hundreds of replies, dozens of them from women in the same situation so I'll link you over to the busiest thread and you can share the experiences (and wisdom) of women in the exact same situation - http://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-...

Please read through it and let me know if it helps you! Also, have you had a sit down chat with him about this? Not about not having sex (itself) but WHY he is refusing? What does he say?

November 30, 2009 - 1:02pm
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